


Letting Go

by RuddiestBubbles



Category: MindCrack RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-04 02:27:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 50,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5317067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuddiestBubbles/pseuds/RuddiestBubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Letting Go is a story about a young girl, Dezeray, who has had a rough life. She's been through ups and downs; riddled with depression and dark thoughts. She learns quickly that life is cruel and unpredictable as things seem to go wrong with every coming day. As she hits rock bottom, she's not sure what's truly to come, or if there is anything left for her. She meets new people, some good, some bad, but they all help shape who she is. And, as things crash down, only to rise back up, she learns what it truly means to let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dezeray pulls her jacket tighter around herself as she heads out the door, the yelling being muffled by the door closing. It had been a stressful morning, as usual, for her. Her foster parents had been arguing over something stupid again. She made her way down the quiet street, her key chains clinking the only sound as it echoed off the houses that surrounded her. She was an only child, at this point at least. She was lonely, having only a few friends and no real family left. She'd gone to this school for a while, but she hadn't made many friends and didn't really want to either. She was fine by herself. She was fine with everything being quiet, calm, no stress. But, could she really expect that to happen. Her foster parents always fought. They always got on her case about not doing well in school, even though she was getting all A's, and for not being social. She hated it. It brought her so much stress. She didn't understand why they couldn't just leave her alone. She was fine as is and doesn't need to change. But obviously, her opinion doesn't matter, it never does. Her real parents had loved her for who she was and not what they wanted her to be. She desperately missed her real parents. They had been so close. She knew they were gone. She knew she'd never see them again, but she didn't want it to be true. Yet it was. And, she was reminded every year on the anniversary of their death.

She made her way through the big, crowded school, avoiding everyone. She hated school, but didn't most high school students? She opened her locker, after struggling with the stupid lock, and grabbing her text book, looking at the picture of her parents that was tapped to the door. As class started, it seemed like it would be the same as every other day; boring. She was exceptionally good at art, which she had found out at a young age. She took out her old, beaten up, sketch book. It had all her best drawings in it. She flipped through it, seeing the many drawings, the one of her parents, a butterflies wing, a silhouette of a couple holding hands, and a bunch of others. All of them expressed how she felt and how her life seemed to play out. She turned to one of the last blank pages and started drawing. She wasn't really sure what to draw, but she never actually did whenever she started drawing, which was quite often. She could hear the teacher, Mrs. Lor, droning on in the background, though she couldn't care to pay attention. Especially on bad days, like today, it was all she could do to get through the day and the stress.

"Dezeray" Comes the annoyingly sweet voice of Mrs. Lor.

"Uh.... yes?" Dezeray asks, looking up at her teacher. 

"You didn't answer the question."

"Oh... uh..." 

"Who is the second president to be assassinated while in office?" 

"Garfield." Dezeray answers, thankful that she'd actually known the answer. 

"Right."

With that, the teacher continued to lecture about presidents and such, which honestly bored Dezeray, which caused her to zone out and daydream, which she did often. Her mind always wandered to the possibility of having a normal life. Still being with her real parents. She liked to imagine always being happy and smiles and having the motherly love she so desperately missed. She also liked to imagine what her boyfriend would be like; if she had the courage to actually talk to someone. But, in her daydreams, she was a confident, outgoing girl who was popular and perfect. She imagined her boyfriend would have long brown hair and smokey grey eyes with flecks of gold. She liked to imagine that he had a deep, husky voice and was kind and caring. The bell rang, bringing her out of her daydream. She was packing up her stuff when Mrs. Lor called Dezeray over to her desk. She finished packing up her stuff and headed over to the desk nervously.

"Yes?" Dezeray asks nervously, tucking some of her auburn hair behind her ear.

"I know you don't have the best home life Dezeray, but you've got to pay attention during class. I've seen your grades and they are really good, but you've been becoming more distant everyday, and I'm worried about you." 

"I'm really sorry Mrs. Lor, I'll try harder, I promise." 

"Alright. Just remember, you can talk to me if you ever need to."

Dezeray nods, sending Mrs. Lor a small smile. She heads out of class and back to her locker, where she switched out her text books and headed to her next class, which went much like the first. She got another talk after that class as well, and honestly, she was sick of it. All the teachers somehow knew about her past and her home life and they had so much sympathy for her, and she was annoyed. She just wanted a normal life, but she doubted that that would ever actually happen. She brought herself out of her thoughts as she entered her third hour, which was her favorite class, art. Not only did she get to work on her art, she got to see her only real friend, Aurey. Aurey immediately lit up when She walked into the classroom. She just laughed and walked over to her seat beside Aurey and sat down.

"I've got amazing news!" Aurey says excitedly, practically bouncing in her chair. 

"Calm down, it can't be that important." Dezeray says jokingly. 

"But it is!" 

"Alright, alright, what is it?" 

"You know the new student, right?" 

Dezeray nods, urging Aurey to continue before she explodes from excitement.

"Well.... he likes you!"

"Likes me?"

"Yeah, like, like likes you! I heard he was gonna ask you out!" 

"Oh lord" Dezeray says, on edge about the whole thing.

Dezeray wasn't honestly sure how to feel. The new kid was cute. He has short blonde hair and baby blue eyes. He is tall and muscular. And, captain of the football team. But, she didn't really know how anyone could actually like her. She didn't think she was cute by any means. Her long auburn hair was always a mess and her blue-green eyes, for as much as she loved them, others found them weird. She didn't find herself all that thin either, and she was on the shorter side. Her skin was so incredibly pale as well. 

"Earth to Dez." Aurey says, waving her hand in Dezeray's face, attempting to get her attention.

"What?" Dezeray asks confused. 

"You gotta stop daydreaming girl." 

"My life is better in the dreams though." Dezeray mutters as the teacher, Mr. Rokaw, starts instructing. 

Dezeray actually manages to complete something in this class. It was a project she'd been working on for weeks, a painting of a young girl being swung between her mother and father's arms. She thought it turned out okay, but Mr. Rokaw absolutely loved it. He even wanted to put it in the art show. When it finally came time to go home, she was thankful. Not that she really wanted to go home, but because she was away from all the people who gave her sympathy, and that's the last thing she wanted. She put her earbuds in and cranked up the volume on her music. Music was one of her escapes, one of the only things that kept her sane. When she reached her house, she wasn't surprised that her foster parents weren't home. They never even considered her; she liked to think they were avoiding her, avoiding all the drama she brought, which wasn't really any.

In reality, she was this shy, quiet girl who loved music and art; who loved the quiet, calm of night. She was what most would consider a perfect child, but her foster parents treated her like absolute shit. It made her question how they were legally able to foster her. She made her way to the small room she called hers and sat her bag down, kicking off her shoes. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a can of pop and a bag of chips. She was surprised that they'd actually gotten what she asked for, which didn't happen often. She pondered the idea that they had finally started liking her, but even she laughed at that. It wasn't until she heard the front door slam shut, over her music, that she knew it was going to be a rough night. Whenever her mom came home angry, she knew she would get yelled at and scolded. She knew that when her dad got home, that he'd be angry too and side with mom.

"How many fucking times do I have to tell you to quit leaving your fucking dirty paint brushes in the kitchen sink Dezeray?" Mom yells as she bursts through the door to Dezeray's room. 

"Sorry, I'll go take care of it." Dezeray mutters, turning off her music and heading into the kitchen. 

She grabs her paint brushes from the sink, running water through the bristles, watching the colors all swirl down the drain. They all washed away, leaving the brushes dull and plain, just waiting to be used to create beautiful works of art again. She dried them off as she headed back to her room, where she put the brushes among the dozens of others that she owned. She turned her music back on as she flips open her sketch book. She looked at the drawing she had started earlier. It was an Indian girl sitting on a cliff edge, her long, dark brown hair flowing in the wind, creating a dramatic look. But, like most of her drawings, had something that reflected her life, which in this case, was the sad, longing look on the girls face. It was actually a really good drawing, one of her better ones, really. She looks up from the drawing as she hears yelling over her music. She just knew that tonight her foster parents were in a much worse mood than usual.

"Dezeray." Her mom yells.

Dezeray took off her headphones and made her way to the living room, dreading what was going to happen, for it couldn't be anything good, it never was. She sheepishly entered the room, already scared by the angry looks on her foster parents faces.

Her dad puts a piece of paper in front of her face "What the fuck? A C in math?" 

Dezeray gulped as she felt her heart drop. She hadn't done any worse than a 90% on any of her tests and she'd gotten all of her homework in. There must be some misunderstanding, surely. 

"I...." Dezeray starts nervously. 

"Don't even try. You're grounded, no tv, no friends, no drawing, for two weeks."

Dezeray felt her stomachs tie itself in knots as the information hit her. She wasn't going to be allowed to have her sketch book, which meant he was going to take it and do only god knows what to it. She didn't want him to take it, not only because it has her best drawings in it, but because its one of the only things she has left from her actual parents. 

"Please don't take my sketch book." Dezeray pleads, hoping he'd be nice for once.

He just sends her a glare, heading out of the room. Dezeray followed and watched as her sketch was taken. He left quickly and went to his room, locking the door. He knows how much that sketch book means to her. He knew exactly why she was so protective of it. She so desperately wished for her real mom to be there, to comfort her, to tell her everything was going to be okay, even though she wasn't sure it would be. She sat in her room and cried, unable to bring herself to face her foster parents. She was breaking on the inside. Slowly and painfully. She felt each little crack grow and grow. She couldn't take it. She brought a blade to her wrist, slowly cutting a thin line.

Her terrible foster parents. 

Another cut.

All the people who have her sympathy.

Another cut. 

All the years of being lonely.

Another cut. 

Every tear she shed. 

Another cut. 

Every forced smile. 

Another cut. 

Every horrifying nightmare.

Another cut.

Every sweet memory turned sour.

Another cut. 

Every moment spent grieving.

Another cut. 

The moment her parents died. 

Another cut, though this one deeper.

She dropped the blade with a sob. She hoped tomorrow would be better, for she couldn't take anymore days like today. She couldn't continue to live like she was. She was very thankful when she heard the front door open and close twice, signaling that her foster parents had left. Her dad had probably gone to a bar and her mom had probably gone out gambling with her friends. This meant that she'd have at least an hour to herself, which she knew would be spent crying and trying to get through life pretending to be okay. After a long while, composing herself, she ordered pizza and awaited the delivery man. She ate a lot of pizza now a days. Her foster parents were always gone and there was never anything to eat around the house. After she thanked the delivery guy and gave him the money, she went back to her room and ate some of the pizza.

She knew when she heard the close roughly and angry grumbling that her dad was home. She also knew that when he stumbled into her room that she was screwed. He stumbled over to Dezeray, pinning her to the bed and slamming his lips on hers, kissing her roughly. She was disgusted and horrified. She turned her head, not allowing him to have his way. She brought her leg up and pushed him back, scrambling off the bed. She wasn't going to let this happen again. He glared at her and punched her, making her recoil in pain. She could feel her eye swelling up, already knowing there will be bruises. She pushes him out of the room and slams the door shut, locking it. She collapses on her bed, burying her face in her pillow as the tears started pouring down her face, which was sore, bruised, and hurting. All she could do was cry and cry and hope that everything would be better tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe a few rough moments are worth the few happy ones

Dezeray awoke to peace and quiet, which was very unusual. She got out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans and a tank top. She went into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind her. Once she looked in the mirror, she gasped. Her right eye was purple, black, and slightly swollen. She sighed as she stepped into the shower, the steamy water instantly relaxing her muscles. The shampoo made her wrist sting, and reminded her of the terrible thing she had done. 

After she had dried her hair and put on her clothes, she grabbed her makeup bag, digging through it and finding the concealer. She gingerly applies it to her eye, wincing at the pain. She just hoped it was enough to convince everyone that nothing had happened. Wasn't that her everyday life though, always trying to convince everyone that she was okay, though realistically she was always hurting?

She pulled on her leather jacket and headed for the door; picking up her pace as she started to hear movement from upstairs. The chilly spring air washed over her as she walked towards the school. It was hard to think that the end of her freshman year was so close to being over already; though the thought of three more years wasn't a pleasant one. She allowed her mind to wander as she walked the-ever so familiar- path to school. She really wasn't looking forward to the weekend, which started tomorrow. Both of her foster parents didn't have work, so they'd either be home or out drinking. She knew the drill by now, but her only hope was that they'd be away.

"Hey Dez!" Aurey says, bringing Dezeray out of her jumbled mess of thoughts. 

"Hey." Dezeray responds. 

"Are you excited for tonight?" 

"Excited?"

"About the dance, duh."

"Right, the dance." Dezeray mutters, not really looking forward to it at all. 

"Oh come on Dez! It'll be fun!" 

"Yeah, maybe if I had a date like you do." 

"Don't worry, there's still time." 

"Sure." Dezeray mutters as she opens her locker and grabs her text book. 

"Just don't be a downer, okay?" 

"Yeah, sure." 

"Great! I'll see you in art!" 

And with that, Aurey bounces down the hallway, shouting excitedly at someone. All Dezeray could do was sigh and head to class. Her first and second hour seemed to last forever. But, when they were finally over, she was relieved. As she was grabbing her stuff for her third hour, art, the new kid, Regan approached her. 

"Hey Dezzy!" Regan says, flashing Dezeray a bright smile. 

"Uh... hi" Dezeray says awkwardly, attempting not to get lost in his dreamy, bubbly blue eyes, which was hard. 

"So, you know that dance tonight?"

Dezeray nods.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go with me." 

"Yeah... that uh.... that would be great." Dezeray says, only getting slightly caught up on her words. 

"Great! I'll see you tonight then." 

Dezeray could tell she was blushing and she hated that she had such a shy composure. She closed her locker and made her way to art, where she found Aurey waiting excitedly. 

"So...?" Aurey asks.

Dezeray sent her a questioning look.

"Don't even try to tell me you're not blushing." 

Dezeray just sighs, knowing she can't hide anything from Aurey. "Fine, Regan asked me to the dance." 

Aurey squealed, bouncing in her seat "I told you he'd ask you!" 

Mr. Rokaw started talking, cutting off their conversation, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Today ended up being a free day to draw and do whatever. These were Dezeary's favorite. She'd usually draw and listen to Aurey babble. But, it wouldn't seem like she would get it though.

"Uh Dezeray, can you please come out to the hallway, bring all of your stuff." Mr. Rokaw says, an odd look on his face.

Dezeray was confused, but she did as she was told. She slung her bag over her shoulder as she exited the classroom. Her stomach tied itself in knots as she was meet by a small group of people. There was a guy with brown hair, a woman with long blonde hair, and a police officer. 

"Ah, hello Dezeray." The woman says, flashing Dezeray a smile. 

"Um... hi." Dezeray responds nervously. 

"There's no reason to be worried, Dezeray." The man says kindly. 

All Dezeray could do was nod. 

"I know you've been having a rough time with Mr. and Mrs. Cooper." The woman starts, a knowing look on her face. "And, we know what happened last night. But, there's no need to worry. We've deemed them unfit for raising a child and your being moved to a new family. Your stuff is being shipped there now." 

Dezeray was so confused. How could they have possibly known? How could they have come to a decision that they weren't fit to be parents now? What about all of the other times?

"I know it's a lot to take in Dezeray, but you'll have plenty of time to think on the plane." 

"Plane?" Dezeray asks, staring at the woman. 

"Yes. Your new foster parents live in Chicago." 

"Chicago?" 

"Yes. Now come along, we've got a plane to catch." 

Dezeray was lead out of the school and into a cop car, which was really weird. The airport wasn't far, though not much was, considering she lived in a really small town along the west coast. Once at the airport, they were rushed onto a plane, where Dezeray was by the window and the woman was beside her. The man had since left, along with the police officer. Dezeray had never been on a plane before, and she found it scary, yet intriguing. 

"Don't worry too much Dezeray, you'll love your new family. They are a nice newly married couple. They live in a nice suburb just outside of downtown." The woman says. 

"That's what they said last time." Dezeray mutters, not truly trusting her. 

"I know, and I'm very sorry. We hadn't known about their..... issues.... before you were placed there." The woman says, looking apologetic "By the way, I'm Sarah." 

"Right." 

And, with that, their conversation ended. Dezeray was, yet again, left to her thoughts. When she was younger, and still with her real parents, she would draw on car trips. Her mom used to give her an object or thing to draw, and she'd do it. She smiled fondly at the memory. It used to be her favorite thing. Though, she used to love just spending time with her parents. They had been so close. That's one of the reasons she'd never gotten close to any of her foster parents. But, she had been to so many different families that it was hard to even get to know them. 

"Do you have a piece of paper and a pencil?" Dezeray asks Sarah. 

"Um..." Sarah says, digging through her purse. "I have a sticky note and a pen." 

"That'll work, thanks." 

Dezeray started drawing, letting her feelings and emotions influence the lines, shapes, and marks. She didn't even notice how much time had passed while she was drawing away her feelings. They had just landed when she finally looked up from the sticky note. Sarah lead the way through the crowded airport and out to the curb, where she halted a cab. Once they were in the cab, Dezeray handed Sarah her pen back.

"Thanks." Sarah says, sending Dezeray a smile. "What did you draw?" 

"Uh... here." Dezeray says, handing Sarah the sticky note. 

"Wow, Dezeray, this is amazing." 

"Thanks." 

The cab stopped in front of a nice looking house on a cul-de-sac. It has a nice looking porch and what looks like a pool in the backyard. This was the nicest looking house she'd been placed yet.

"Looks like we're here." Sarah says cheerily. 

Dezeray got out and followed nervously behind Sarah up to the house. Her stomach was tied in knots as they approached the door. Sarah knocked on the door and a dog started barking. Then, a man answered the door. He is tall and lanky and has short brown hair and blue eyes. 

"Ah, hello Sarah." The man says, his voice deep and sultry. 

"Hi Kurt." Sarah responds.

"Would you like to come in?" Kurt asks with a chuckle. 

Dezeray follows the two into the house, which looked really nice, which was definitely a change. She sat down beside Sarah on a soft couch as Kurt sat across from them on a chair. 

"Is Zisteau around?" Sarah asks.

"Yeah, hold on." Kurt says, heading over to the stairs. "Zisteau! Sarah's here!' 

Zisteau comes down the stairs, smiling at Kurt, who blushed lightly, but sent him a hesitant smile. Zisteau was considerably shorter than Kurt, but was well built. He is bald and has blue-green eyes, much like Dezeray's. It hit her then, she wouldn't have a mom and a dad, she would have two dads. Well, that's definitely new. 

"Kurt, Zisteau, this is Dezeray." Sarah says, finally bringing Dezeray into the equation. 

Kurt smiles at Dezeray, making her feel welcomed. "It's nice to meet you, Dezeray." 

Dezeray smiles back, already starting to like them. "It's nice to meet you too."

"Alright, well, Dezeray, your stuff should be here by Monday, if not, Kurt has the number to call. If you need anything, just give me a call. Good luck guys." Sarah says. 

Sarah heads out the door with a wave, leaving Dezeray alone with her new family. This was always the most awkward part. You never quiet knew what to say or do.

"It's almost dinner time. Why don't we head out to a pizza place." Zisteau says. 

"Uh.... sure." Dezeray says awkwardly. 

"I'll drive." Kurt says, heading from the room. 

They head through the house and out to a two car garage, which has two decent looking cars. Kurt started the second of the two, which was a nice looking convertible. She climbed in the back and buckled in. Kurt started driving, slipping on a pair of sunglasses. The sun was shinning brightly, making the warm spring air feel hotter. Dezeray pulled off her black leather jacket, sitting it on the seat beside her. The sun beamed down on her pale skin. It had been far too long since she'd gotten a good amount of sun.

"So, Dezeray." Kurt says, looking at her in the rear view mirror. "Where did you live before coming here?" 

"West coast." Dezeray responds, blocking the sun with her hands. 

Zisteau laughs, handing her a pair of sun glasses. His gaze briefly flickers to her wrist, were there were thin red marks from the previous night. But, Zisteau said nothing on the matter. 

"That's cool. Kurt and I actually visited the west coat last year." 

Dezeray went to respond, but couldn't manage to say anything as the Chicago skyline came into view. It was breath taking how beautiful it was. She had always lived in such small towns, never having been to a big city. 

Kurt laughs. "I think you'll like it here." 

All Dezeray could do was nod as the many different cultures flew by. The diversity was so amazing; it was so different from anything she'd ever seen, and she loved it. They pulled into a parking lot, which was next to a small building, which was emitting amazing smells. They were greeted by a tall man with a Dutch accent as they entered the small restaurant. 

"Kurt! Zisteau!" The mans Dutch accent was thick "And who's the lovely lady?" 

Dezeray blushed at the compliment, inwardly cursing her shy complexion. 

"This is Dezeray, our daughter" Kurt says, seeming a little hesitant with the last part. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you. Now, come this way, I've got a table ready for you." 

After they had been seated, the Dutchman came back over to them. "Your regular?" 

"I dunno, what do you want, Dezeray?" Zisteau asks.

"I like pineapple and ham on my pizza." Dezeray says. 

Kurt makes a face, causing Dezeray to laugh. 

"Well that's odd." Zisteau says with a laugh. "We'll take a medium pizza, half three meat, half pineapple and ham, gluten free crust." 

"Gluten free?" Dezeray questions after the Dutchman leaves. 

"Kurt can't have gluten or lactose." Zisteau explains. 

"Ah." 

After they had finished eating, they headed back out to the car. 

"I was thinking we could go shopping, then get some ice cream. Whatcha think?" Kurt asks, turning in his seat to look at Dezeray. 

"Shopping?" Dezeray questions, confused. 

"Yeah, shopping. You know, the thing where you go to a store and buy stuff." Zisteau says sarcastically. 

"Haha. So funny." Dezeray mutters, but can't keep the smile off her face. 

"Shopping it is." 

After they had gone shopping, which Dezeray was absolutely shocked at how much they had bought for her, they headed to an ice cream place, where she learned how playful and immature Zisteau could be, while she found Kurt to be more light hearted and reserved, maybe even insecure. On the car ride home, she was having a hard time comprehending how nice they were. It was honestly mind boggling. She hadn't been treated this nicely since she was with her real parents. 

"You okay back there?" Zisteau asks, bringing Dezeray out of her thoughts. 

"Uh.... yeah, just thinking." Dezeray says, not trusting them enough to talk about it yet.

Zisteau gives her a look, but says nothing.

Dezeray wasn't sure when or if she'd ever tell then about her past. She didn't tell anyone, really. She hadn't even told Aurey. She'd never really trusted anyone enough to tell them. But, to be honest, she hadn't really trusted anyone since her parents had died. They reached the house and Kurt and Zisteau grab all the bags, insisting that Dezeray not carry anything.

"We weren't really sure what you liked, so your room is kinda bare, but, we can get you some more stuff eventually." Zisteau explains as he leads Dezeray through the house and to her bedroom.

Dezeray was in awe of her room He had said that there wasn't much to the room, but obviously that was an understatement. There was a king bed with a ton of pillows and a soft, fluffy looking comforter that's a dark purple.  The room itself was rather big. There was a nice looking leather couch and a  flat screen TV. The room was painted purple and the flooring was a dark stained wood, which was partially covered with a purple and grey rug. 

"Wow" Was all Dezeray could say.

Zisteau chuckles "Here's your clothes, I'll leave you to get unpacked. Your closet is over there and your bathroom is over there." 

After Zisteau had left, Dezeray grabbed the dozen or so bags and went to the closet. The closet is huge and has a full body mirror. It was plenty enough room for all her clothes, including the new ones. After she had hung up all her new clothes, she made her way to the bathroom, which, like the room, was amazing. There was a Jacuzzi and a fancy looking shower, along with a nice counter top and fancy looking sink. Dezeray turned on the shower, waiting for it to warm up which happened quickly. 

After an amazing steamy shower, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her auburn hair was still damp, so it wasn't sticking up like crazy. Her blue-green eyes stood out against her pale skin. Her black eye stood out like a sore thumb against her pale skin. Her wrist was covered in fading, thin red lines. That only added to the part of her that felt like it was constantly breaking. She hated that that had happened to her. She just hoped they would both heal soon. It was almost ten when Dezeray was in her pajamas and ready to go to bed. She curled up in the thick, fluffy, warm comforter and felt herself quickly falling asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can only be strong for so long before something pushes you over the edge

Dezeray awoke to the heavenly smell of coffee and bacon; which was amazing, compared to the stuff she was used to. She got out of bed with a yawn and padded her way into the kitchen. She found Kurt cooking and Zisteau kissing and nipping his neck teasingly. She found it adorable, how close they were. They are the cutest couple. 

"Morning Dez..... what happened to your eye?" Zisteau asks, worry settling on his face, quickly replacing the mischievous look he's worn moments before.

"Oh...." Dezeray reached up and touched her eye, wincing slightly. "I accidentally got hit yesterday, it's nothing, seriously." 

"Alright, well I made breakfast if you want some." Kurt says.

"Hey! I helped!" Zisteau says, sounding hurt. 

"Yup, cause teasing me is definitely helpful."

"I thought so."

Kurt just sighs, rolling his eyes.

Dezeray quickly found out that Kurt was a very good cook. She hadn't really taken the time to even consider what she had left behind. She had left right away. They hadn't given her a chance to say goodbye to Aurey or Regan. Regan probably thought she was a big jerk now, not like it mattered though, she'd never see him again. She'd never see Aurey again either. That made her really sad. Aurey had been her only friend. 

Dezeray pushed the food around her plate, having lost her appetite. Her stomach was tied in knots as a wall of emotions hit her. She was usually so strong and so brave. But, her problem was the years and years of bottled up feelings. She had been too strong for far too long. She didn't even try to stop the tears as they started to fall. She couldn't stop the sob that escaped her. She was so mad, so angry, so tired, so depressed, so broken. She felt completely lost and broken. 

"Are you okay, Dezeray?" Kurt asks, looking at her worriedly. 

All she could do was shake her head. 

"What's wrong?" 

Dezeray wasn't honestly sure. She felt like her whole world was collapsing around her, causing her life to feel like a complete mess. She didn't know how to explain what was wrong. All she could do was shrug, choking back another sob. 

Kurt and Zisteau both looked completely lost on what to do. They had never had to deal with this type of thing before. Zisteau moved over and wrapped her in a hug, hoping that it would help. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, clinging to him. She didn't know what was going on and it frightened her. She was so nervous and scared and confused. She just wanted her real parents back. She just wanted everything to go back to how it was back then. She had been so happy, so safe. She felt loved and wanted. She so wanted that feeling back. She hated feeling depressed. She hated not having anyone she felt like she could talk to. 

"It'll be ok Dezeray, I promise." Zisteau murmurs, stroking Dezeray's silky auburn hair. 

She spent the rest of the day in her room, where she had put on one of her new sweaters and a pair of leggings. She sat on her bed with a sharpie, drawing on a piece of cardboard she had found. She had stopped crying a long while ago, but she still felt depressed, which was obvious through her drawing. It was a dark shadowed girl in tears. Her thoughts were dark and dreary; like a dark storm cloud was hung over her, plaguing her thoughts. 

There was a knock on the door and a hesitant question. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah." Dezeray says with a sigh. 

Zisteau comes into the room and sits on the edge of the bed. 

"I know this is a lot to take in, being moved all the way here from the west coast and all, but I want you to know that Kurt and I are here for you. We may be new to this, but we're trying. We really do want you to be happy. Just remember, you can talk to us, we won't try and pressure you about your past. We understand if you don't want to tell us." 

This was the first Dezeray had seen Zisteau be completely serious. "Thank you." Dezeray says, hugging Zisteau.

Zisteau and Dezeray just stayed there for a while, just holding each other close. Dezeray was actually starting to feel ok around Kurt and Zisteau. Maybe she would like it here. 

"There is something I wanted to talk about." Zisteau eventually says, looking at Dezeray seriously. 

Dezeray was instantly worried, her stomach tying itself in knots again, but she nodded. 

"Your wrist.... what happened?" 

Dezeray gulped, moving her sleeve to look at the thin red lines that were slowly starting to fade. 

"I.... I just.... I had a breakdown the other day... and... I... I just.... well...." Dezeray couldn't really explain why she had done what she did. 

"It's ok Dez. You don't have to explain if its too hard to." 

Dezeray nods, fighting back tears. Just to see how understanding and patient Zisteau was, is really astonishing. Dezeray hadn't been treated like this since her real parents. It made her want to trust him, them. 

"No.. It's just... the last family I was with, they weren't good people and they constantly put me down and punished me and I'd finally snapped and lost it.... I... I didn't mean to... it just kinda happened." Dezeray says, tears falling down her pale cheeks. 

"Did they do that to your eye?" 

Dezeray nods, feeling ashamed, unable to look him in the eye. 

"Hey, Dez, it's not your fault that that happened to you. There's no need to be ashamed." He says soothingly. 

Dezeray looks up at him and the calm, caring look in his blue-green eyes spook volumes. A hesitant smile crept onto Dezeray's face. She felt so loved in that moment. 

"So... did you draw this?" He eventually asks, looking at the piece of cardboard. 

"Uh.... yeah... why?" 

"It's amazing. Where'd you learn this?"

"My mom was an artist. She used to teach me stuff and she used to draw stuff for me." 

"Wow. I wish I was this good." 

"You draw?" 

"It's my job, actually." He says with a chuckle "Come on, I'll show you." 

He leads Dezeray to a full on art studio. It has all the things an artist could ever need. 

"Wow...." Was all she could say.

He chuckles "Impressive, right?" 

She nods, moving to look at the various paintings and drawings that were scattered around the room. He had a very realistic style. They were all really good. His style seemed a lot happier than her own, which always seemed sad and dreary. 

"You're free to come in here and work if you want, I don't mind." He says, bringing her attention back to him. 

"Thank you so much!" She says excitedly, unable to keep the smile off her face. 

He just smiles. "There's a bunch of empty sketch books and canvases in the closet if you'd like some. I'm gonna go make dinner, I'll come get you when it's done." 

She just nods. As soon as he leaves, she grabs an empty canvas and sets it up on an easel. She grabbed a paint brush and a diverse range of colors and started painting. She actually wasn't in a terribly sad mood this time, which definitely showed as she continued to paint. She loved painting and drawing; she loved being able to express herself and her feelings; kept her sane. 

"Hey Dez, dinners ready." Zisteau says, walking over to Dezeray. "That's really good." 

Dezeray smiles and stands up, stretching. 

Zisteau laughs, to which she sends him a questioning look. 

"You have paint everywhere." 

"Oh." She says, laughing as well.

She followed him out to the kitchen, which smelled amazing. She washed her hands, riding them of paint, before sitting down. A plate of spaghetti was in front of her, along with a bottle of coke, which she was okay with. Kurt and Zisteau personally had glasses of red wine. 

"You've been painting I take it?" Kurt asks with a laugh. 

"Yeah, Zisteau's letting me use his art studio." 

"Wow, really? He doesn't even let me go in there." Kurt says, throwing Zisteau a playful smile. 

"Yeah, cause you'd totally screw up my organization." Zisteau replies, poking Kurt in the side. 

Dezeray just sat there, quietly laughing to herself, watching the two continue their playful arguing. It was honestly adorable. She was so unused to this. The last time she had eaten with her previous family, it had included actual arguing and fighting. 

"You guys are adorable." Dezeray says, giggling. 

Kurt blushes heavily at the comment while Zisteau smiles brightly. 

"I'd have to agree." Zisteau says, kissing Kurt's cheek, which causes him to become flustered. 

All Dezeray could do was laugh with them. It felt so nice to not be worried about fighting or getting in trouble for nothing. It made her really happy, to know she was welcomed and actually wanted around. That night, Dezeray went to bed happier than she'd been in a long time. She just desperately hoped that it would stay like this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, something's just aren't worth it.

Dezeray tossed and turned as a nightmare plagued her dreams. 

_  
It was dark and the wind was howling. Dark rain clouds hung over everything, making the already dark sky darker. Lightning lit up the sky and thunder boomed, causing the ground to shake. Dezeray sat in the back of the car, frightened and shaking. She hugged her blanket, squeezing her eyes shut. She wanted this to be over. She wanted it to be nice and sunny and happy._

_"It's ok sweetie, we'll be home soon." The soothing voice of her mother drifted to her._

_Another loud bang of thunder caused her to jump and yelp. She squeezed her eyes shut again, hoping to shut out the world. Suddenly, she heard tires squealing and a loud clang of metal. She felt the car roll and her head hit the window hard. Her seat belt kept her safely in her seat. She heard a woman scream, it sounded a lot like her mother, but all the noises around her seemed to echo through her head, everything starting to sound distant. She opened her eyes, faintly able to see red and blue blurs and the hear the distant sound of sirens._

_"It's ok sweetie, we'll be home soon." Her mothers voice rang through her head as the world around her faded to black.  
_

"Dez!" A voice says, sounding startled, while shaking Dezeray's shoulders. 

Dezeray opens her eyes slowly, taking in the very worried and tired looking person above her. She noticed the tears running down her face, the dream coming back. She started bawling as she hugged Kurt tightly, burying her face in his shoulder. She hated reliving that moment. She hated the fear and the agony. She hated that her seven year old mind didn't understand what had happened. 

"Shh... it's ok Dez, it was just a dream." Kurt says soothingly. 

"But it wasn't!" Dezeray sobs "It... it wasn't." 

She felt herself breaking down again. She felt her control slipping and it scared her. She didn't want this. She didn't want the recurring nightmares. She didn't want the constant reminder of her parents deaths or her past. She just wanted to be okay again. But could that really happen? Could she ever really be happy again? Yesterday had truly felt like it, though that was gone in an instant. 

"What happened in your dream?" Kurt asks gently, hugging her tightly.

"My... my parents death... the... the car crash..." 

"I'm so sorry Dezzy, I'm so, so sorry that you have to relive that. I know it must be hard." 

All Dezeray could do was cry. She hated that she could be brought to tears so easily. She hated that she cried so much. 

"Are you gonna be okay?" Kurt asks, moving back a little. 

Dezeray just shrugs. 

"You wanna try to go back to sleep?" 

Dezeray nods and lays down; Kurt brings the blanket over her. He goes to leave, but Dezeray talking stops him. 

"Stay...." 

Kurt sends her a small smile and sits down on a chair that happened to be near the bed. "Of course." 

Dezeray awoke to a beam of sun hitting her face. She groaned as she sat up, a terrible headache making it harder to focus. She remembered last night and the dream and breaking down. She also remembered how Kurt had comforted her. She was so grateful for them. They have been so nice to her so far. It's like they truly cared. The quiet jingle of a dog collar brought her from her thoughts. Eva sat beside the bed, looking up at her curiously. She patted on the bed, encouraging Eva to jump up, which she did. Eva licked Dezeray's face and curled up beside her.

"Hey Eva." Dezeray says quietly, petting her. 

Eva barked happily at her. She continued to pet her, it helped calm Dezeray, actually. She found it soothing and comforting. Eva must've found it quite nice as well, as she occasionally nuzzled Dezeray's hand affectionately.

"Alright, come on Eva, it's time to get up." Dezeray says with a sigh as she gets out of bed. 

It was almost one when she was finally dressed and ready for the day. She headed out into the living room, where Kurt and Zisteau were watching tv. 

"Hey Dez, sleep well?" Zisteau asks, which earns an elbow to the side and a pointed look. 

Dezeray shrugs "Eh."

"We got a call about your stuff, it should be getting here around four."

"Awesome!" Dezeray says, very much looking forward to it. 

She would finally get her sketch book and all her favorite cloths. And, more importantly, the picture of her parents. That and the sketch book was all she had left of her parents. When she was younger she had had her mothers necklace, but a bully had taken it from her and she never got it back.

"Well, I was gonna take Eva on a walk, if you wanted to come." Kurt says.

"Sure."

Dezeray laces up her combat boots and follows Kurt and a very excited Eva out the front door. They were both silent for a while, which wasn't a bad thing, honestly. But, after a while, Kurt did start talking. 

"I know school is probably the last thing you want to deal with right now, but, I have to email the principle back with what elective classes you'd like to take. You have five open spaces." 

"What classes do they have?"

"Uh... here." Kurt says, handing her a paper. 

She scans the list, seeing a bunch of boring ones. She find the art classes and almost gasped out loud at the variety they had. She only have five spots, so She guessed she had to choose. 

"I want to take drawing, painting, photography, digital design, and ceramics." 

"All art?" 

"Yeah, art is my passion." 

Kurt chuckles "Just like Zisteau." 

She laughs as well. 

"You know, when he was your age, he used to draw pictures of me all the time, he'd always say that I was his muse." 

"That's adorable." 

"Yeah, it actually was."

"When did you meet Zisteau?" She question, throwing him a curios look. 

"Ah, we meet my freshman year of high school." 

"Did you know then and there that you loved him or did it take a while?" 

"I think I always knew, it just took some time to realize it." 

"We're you guys together through all of high school?" 

"Yeah, I mean, even if we hadn't been together, I'm pretty sure we would've ended up together anyway." 

Dezeray loved hearing about Kurt's past, it sounded so sweet. It was adorable, really, him and Zisteau's time together. They were obviously very in love, even from the day they meet. She hoped to have that one day, to love and be loved like Kurt and Zisteau. 

Kurt glances at his watch, catching the time "Ah, it's getting close to four, why don't we head back." 

"Alright." Dezeray responds.

They get back to the house just as the delivery truck arrives. The workers carry the boxes in, which honestly wasn't too many, and left not long after. Dezeray heads to her room to officially unpack. She starts with her clothes, which, as much as she loved her knew ones, shed missed her old ones desperately. After she moved to the only box remaining, as most had been clothes and shoes, there was an assortment of things, art supplies, nicknacks, awards, and a bunch of other really random stuff. 

On the bottom was the framed picture of her parents, the only one she had. She looked at it longingly. She saw her mothers auburn hair and hazel eyes. She saw her dads blonde hair and blue eyes. They had both looked so perfect; picture perfect even. There was one other thing in the box, a letter, one with cute curly handing writing that she instantly recognized. Aurey. The envelope was addressed to her. She carefully opened it and started reading.

_  
Dear Dez,_

_They finally told me what happened to you, after much begging, may I add. I miss you already! It's weird not having you to talk to. I talked with Regan, by the way, he was totally bummed, but said he wishes the best for you. Which is very sweet. Anyway, they said I could write you a letter, so I am. As you know, I suck at this type of thing, but lets give it a try anyway._

_I knew you had a rough life, Dez, but you never told me what was truly going on. Why didn't you? I thought you trusted me? I thought we were friends. But, then again, we can't tell each other everything, can we?_

_I love you like a sister, just remember that. And, no matter what, I'll always have your back, literally or figuratively. I hope your new life is good, or at least better. You'll have to write and tell me about it! Or txt, you know, like normal people._

_Reply soon! Love ya!  
<3 Aurey  
_

Dezeray couldn't help the tears that formed. Part of the letter had been so sweet, but part of it had been like Aurey was purposefully stabbing her in the heart. She hadn't ever trusted anyone since her parents died. God she felt so terrible. She should have told Aurey. She should have told her everything. But, her insecurities had over ridden any notion of trust. God did she hate herself. It seemed like she's being punished. She'll have a good moment, only to be followed by tears, pain, and confusion. She didn't know what to do anymore. She didn't want to live like this. She didn't want to continue being so reserved and so self conscious. She didn't want any of it. 

Dezeray went to the bathroom and locked the door. She pulled out a blade and made thin cuts, her mind clouded with insecurities and self hate. 

One cut, all her worries.

Two cuts, every insecure thought.

Three cuts, every moment she cried. 

Four cuts, every person she failed.

Five cuts, every person she should've trusted but didn't. 

Six cuts, every moment she spent alone. 

Seven cuts, the day her parents died and left her a shell of the person she used to be. 

She ran water over her wrist and went to bed. How could she have actually thought that her life could be okay? Why had she been so dumb, so stupid. She should've realized sooner; maybe life really wasn't worth living for.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somedays are just too weird to even comprehend

"Time to get up Dez." Zisteau says, standing in the doorway. 

Dezeray groans and flips over. She didn't want to get up. She didn't want to face the day. She hears Zisteau laugh and she chucks a pillow at him. 

"Come on Dez. You've got an hour till school."

"Fine." Dezeray groans "I'm getting up." 

She hears Zisteau close the door and footsteps. She does finally get up and take a quick shower. She finds a thin long sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans. She was so self conscious about her wrist now. She really was ashamed, but there really wasn't anything she could do about it. She didn't want to, but she couldn't keep control sometimes. 

She heads out to the kitchen and takes a seat at the table, where food was already placed. It was simple today, just a bowl of cereal and a cup of orange juice, which she was okay with. 

"Are you ready for today?" Zisteau questions, sitting across from Dezeray. 

Dezeray shrugs, self consciously pulling at her sleeves. "Maybe."

"Did you?" 

Dezeray nods, ashamed. 

"How bad?" 

Dezeray holds out her arm, tugging back the sleeve. It honestly wasn't bad, but it was startling compared the scars from the older ones. 

"I'm not going to lecture you or anything about this. I know that the transition to here has been rough." Zisteau says gently. 

"Thanks." Dezeray whispers, unable to truly comprehend how caring Zisteau was. 

"Come on Dez, I'm gonna drop you off at school on my way to work." Kurt says, keys in hand.

"Okay."

Dezeray followed Kurt out to his car and climbed in the passenger side. She stared out the window as they drove through the town.

"Hey, don't look so sad." Kurt randomly says. 

Dezeray just looks at him for a second. 

"What wrong?" 

"I'm not really looking forward to today I guess." 

"Don't worry about it Dez, you'll be fine." 

Dezeray snorts "Sure." 

Kurt just sighs, not really knowing how to handle the situation, and continues driving. They arrive at the school after a few minutes. The school was huge and looked rather nice. There are so many students, all so different looking. Dezeray gets out of the car nervously. 

"Have a good day Dezzy. Z will be by to pick you up after school." Kurt says with a hesitant smile. 

Dezeray waves to Kurt as he drives off. Well, now she was on her own. She didn't know her schedule or how to get anywhere. So this will be fun. She pushes her way through the crowds, getting quite a few looks, which she ignores. She manages to get into the building and find the main office. 

"Um... excuse me." Dezeray says nervously, standing in front of the main desk. 

"Yes, how may I help you?" The lady behind the desk asks. 

"I'm new here."

"Ah, you just be Dezeray, I'll get your schedule" 

The lady comes back and hands Dezeray a piece of paper. "Your locker is listed on there as well. Class starts at seven fifty, try not to be late." 

"Thanks." Dezeray says with a nod, making her way back to the crowded hallway. 

Dezeray looks around hopelessly. She didn't even know where to start. God was this gonna be a long day. 

"You seem lost, can I help?" A student asks Dezeray. 

"Uh... yeah... thanks." Dezeray replies awkwardly. 

"Let me see your schedule." 

Dezeray hands him the schedule. She takes a moment to look at him. He was fairly tall and has short brown hair and blue eyes. 

"Your locker is just this way." He says, pointing to a hallway and heading that way.

Dezeray quickly follows after him. He expertly weaved through the crowds and eventually stops at a locker, Which she guessed was hers. 

"I'm MC, by the way." He says.

"I'm Dezeray." She replies, opening her locker. 

"Are you new to town?" 

"Yeah, just moved here Friday." 

"Where'd you move from?"

"The west coast." 

"Wow, that's a big move. Why, if I may ask?" 

"I got moved to a new family." 

A confused look crosses MC's face "New family?" 

"I'm in foster care." 

"Oh...."

"It's ok, I don't find talking about it awkward." 

"Alright. Well, we have the same first hour, so why don't we head there together." 

"Okay." Dezeray says with a hesitant smile.

MC seemed so cheery and happy. He seemed so nice too. Dezeray wasn't really sure how to handle this situation, to be honest. They reach a room and head in. The classroom was pretty big and was already full of students. All of the others were messing around or talking gossip, by the looks of it. MC wanders off to talk to the teacher, leaving Dezeray standing awkwardly in the back of the classroom. She noticed a guy was staring at her. All she could do was stare as the boy of her dreams stared back. He has long brown hair and smokey grey eyes with flecks of gold. He smiled at Dezeray and walked over. 

"Hey cutie, you new?" He asks, his voice deep and husky. 

"Uh... I.... yeah... I am." She manages to scrap together a response. 

"I'm Max." 

"Dezeray." 

"Ah, a beautiful name for a beautiful girl." 

He was such a charmer, Dezeray realized. She also realized just how much she wanted to kiss him. Or maybe just hug him. 

"Hey Dezeray, your seat is next to mine." MC says, pulling her out of her trance.

"....Right." 

She waves to Max and follows MC over to their seats. 

"I'm just warning you now, Dezeray. You don't want to get involved with Max. He's not very.... good, I guess." MC says.

"But he seems nice and cute. God I already have a crush on him." Dezeray says, glancing over at Max who was on the other side of the room.

Max noticed and cast his amazing eyes on Dezeray and winked, causing her to blush.

"Fine, but just so it's clear, I warned you." 

MC seemed like he really did want to protect Dezeray, like any friend would. But, he also seemed like he wanted to let her do what she wanted. 

"I'll try to be careful MC. I'll avoid him, but only because you say he's not that great." Dezeray says, glancing back at MC.

A relieved look crossed MC's face as he sighed. "Great!" 

Dezeray laughed at MC's cheeriness. It was nice, already feeling like she had a friend, though she probably wouldn't end up ever actually trusting him, just like every other friend she'd had. Though, she'd probably be moved to another family soon enough; that's what always happened. 

Class began and Dezeray was introduced. This class was physics, which she wasn't really the best at, but oh well, not like it mattered. She cared about school, of course, but she just didn't feel like partaking in it today. At many points during class, MC kept making jokes in a whispered voice. It was all Dezeray could do to keep from giggling loudly. She kept sending MC half hearted glares, though she didn't care if they got in trouble, for this was far too funny. 

After class, Dezeray stared at her schedule confused, she didn't know how to get to her next class. She hears MC laugh beside her and grab her schedule. 

"Come on, I'll escort you." 

Dezeray smiles slightly, and follows MC to her next class. He left with a smile and a wave. She headed into the classroom and sat in an empty seat. She looked around the classroom, seeing that there weren't many people she recognized from her first hour. 

"Hiya cutie." Comes a familiar voice as max sits down beside Dezeray. 

Dezeray sighs "Hi Max." 

Dezeray wasn't going to break the promise she made to MC. She didn't want to betray his trust, for trust is important, though she never trusted anyone. Maybe that was her problem; she couldn't trust anyone. Maybe that's why she never made friends. Maybe that's why she could never get close to anyone. 

"Dezeray?" Max asks with a raised eyebrow. 

"Hmm?" 

"You zoned out cutie." 

God did she wish he'd stop calling her cutie. It definitely didn't help how attracted she was to him. 

"Alright class, lets get started." The teacher states. 

It wasn't until we had time to work on our homework, that Max spoke to Dezeray again, though he wasn't just speaking. Max grabbed Dezeray's hand, stroking it gently. 

"You're so pretty." Max says, his voice deeper than earlier, obviously trying to sound seductive. 

Dezeray rolls her eyes and continues her work, attempting to ignore him, even though his grey gold gaze was mesmerizing. 

"Oh come on Dezzy, don't ignore me." Max continues, brushing a couple strands of hair from her face. 

God did it feel amazing, his, surprisingly soft, hand brushing across her skin. She shuddered, unable to keep these new feelings at bay. They had popped up so quickly. She'd never taken a liking to someone this quickly. And god did she want this. But, she didn't want to betray MC. Though, could she really trust him? The bell rang, pulling Dezeray out of her thoughts. Max grabs her hand, leading her from the classroom. The second they're in the hallway, Max backs Dezeray against a locker; his hands wandered up her shirt, grouping her breasts. She gasped, which was quickly cut of by a kiss; hard, demanding, and oh so wonderful. He finally pulled away. 

"I'll catch you later cutie." Max says with a wink, walking away. 

Dezeray leaned back against the locker, bliss clouding her thoughts. God was that amazing. She'd never wanted anything more in her life then to kiss him again. 

"Dezeray?" MC's voice drifts to her, cutting through the thick fog. 

"Huh?" Dezeray asks, still feeling dazed. 

"You ok?" 

"I... uh..." 

"Max, huh?" 

"Uh huh." Dezeray says with a nod. 

"Come on, we can talk over lunch." MC says, grabbing Dezeray's arm and dragging the dazed girl along. 

They both got lunch and found an empty table. It was quiet for a while, but MC eventually spoke.

"So, how did it happen?" 

"He kept flirting with me during class and then he pulled me out to the hallway and... uh... kissed me and.... stuff." Dezeray says awkwardly.

"He does this to every pretty girl Dez. Calls 'em pretty and gets them to like him." 

"But he makes me feel... I dunno... wanted?" 

"Wanted?" MC questions

"I've had... a bit of a rough life....." Dezeray says vaguely, not really wanting to talk about it. 

"Dezeray.... that's no reason to throw yourself at someone like Max. You're better off without him." 

"I dunno...." Dezeray says, a million insecurities settling in her mind. 

"Just promise me you'll think before you act." MC says, being very serious, and taking Dezeray's hands in his own, in a friend like way. 

Dezeray smiles slightly, glancing at their hands. Her wrist was showing slightly and she hoped to god MC wouldn't notice.

"Promise." Dezeray responds. 

"Dez.... why?" MC asks, moving her sleeve to look at her wrist. 

"I... I don't know." Dezeray replies sadly. 

"It's ok Dez, whatever caused this, I'm positive it'll be ok." 

Dezeray couldn't comprehend how amazing, supportive, and nice MC was. He was exactly what she needed. A real friend. One that would be the for her. After lunch, the rest of school went rather fast, thankfully. It had been a long, weird day, and she was quite thankful to get to go home. She stood outside the school, looking for Zisteau. He was probably running late, which wouldn't shock Dezeray, honestly. 

"Hiya cutie." Says an all to familiar voice. 

"Max... hey..." Dezeray says, remembering what MC had told her. 

"I was thinking, you, me, dinner." 

"I... uh.." 

Before Dezeray could even form a proper answer, Max put his lips against hers, kissing her deeply. She kisses back immediately, her mind going blank. 

"Great! I'll tell you the details tomorrow." Max says with a smile after he pulls away. 

Dezeray watches him walk away. What had she gotten herself into? She finally sees Zisteau's car and heads that way. She climbs in and gets buckled. 

"Who was that?" Zisteau asks sounding defensive. 

"Max" Was all Dezeray says. 

"I don't know if I approve of this." 

"I don't know if I do either." 

"What?" 

"MC said he's not the best person.... but god I am I so attracted to him." 

Zisteau sighs. "Lets just hope this doesn't end like my last girlfriend." 

"Girlfriend? I thought you were gay." 

"Heh, she's the reason I turned gay." 

Dezeray laughs at that. Zisteau sure did have some interesting stories, as she'd learned over the past few days. Today had been quite interesting, to say the least, but wasn't that honestly expected?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reliving your past can lead to pain and tears

Dezeray was distressed as she tore apart her room, attempting to find her sketchbook. Her room, which had once been nice and clean, was now a mess. Clothes, shoes, books, papers, pens and pencils, and a bunch of other stuff were scattered everywhere. She had to find it. She needed it desperately. She needed the comfort it brought her.

"Woah.... what happened in here?" Kurt asks, just happening to walk by the doorway. 

"Have you seen my sketchbook?" Dezeray asks. 

"What does it look like?" 

"It's black leather and really beat up." 

"Uh, no, sorry, I haven't." 

"I.... I... I have to find it." 

"We can just get you another one." 

"Get me another one?!?" Dezeray yells, anger seeping into her voice. 

"There's no need to yell Dezeray, seriously, it's just a sketchbook." 

"Just a sketchbook? Is that really all you think it is?" 

"Uh... yes?" 

"Well it's not. It's one of the only things I have left from my parents." 

"Oh..... Dez. I'm sorry, I didn't know, honest." 

"Can you just tell me if you find it?" 

"Of course." 

Dezeray continued to look until she finally had to give up. She collapsed on her bed close to tears. She hadn't a clue where it could have gotten to. She admitted defeat and went to bed, hoping to find it in the morning. 

_  
The rain poured down, the occasional crash of thunder rumbled in the distance. The usually blue sky was covered with dark clouds. Sorrow. That's what they reminded Dezeray of. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to live through this. She was so young. So innocent. So beautiful. She didn't deserve what was forced upon her. She didn't deserve her parents being taken away from her. She didn't deserve being left alone with no family left, no one left to support her._

_Dezeray tried and tried to hold back her tears. She tried and tried to convince herself it wasn't real. She tried and tried, but nothing would make any of this better. It never would. She kept trying to convince herself that this just a horrible dream, one she'd wake up from soon and her parents would be there to hug her and tell her that everything was okay and it was just a dream. But, every mumbled 'I'm sorry for your lose.' and 'It'll be okay' was enough to convince her that this was real._

_Sympathy. That's all anyone showed Dezeray. They felt sorry for her. They all said she was too young to go through something like this. Too young to be hurting so much. Too young to truly understand what was going on. But, she understood all of it. She grew up in a matter of days as every single little thing she ever feared became true._

_She well and truly changed that day she had woken up in the hospital. She had been this joyfully, always happy, always hopeful little girl. But now, she was just a shell of that person. She was quiet, shy, never happy, insecure, untrusting, and broken. No one truly saw what damage had been done, for the fake smile she boar hid all the cracks that were in her heart._

_She didn't have anyone to hug her and tell her it was going to be okay as she stood by her parents graves, tears pouring down her face and sobs racking through her body. She was so alone. So scared. So unloved. Nobody held her hand. Nobody hugged her. Nobody knew the pain she was going through. Nobody._

_After the crowds had left, she collapsed to her knees in between the two graves._

_"Mom! Dad!" Dezeray sobbed, unable to hold anything back. "Why did you leave me?!?"_

_"Why....."_

_Rain poured down as she stayed there, crying away the pain. Crying and crying until she couldn't anymore. She collapsed in the mud, hugging her knees to her chest as the rain continued to pour down._

_She knew she was alone. Finally truly alone. No one loved her. No one cared. Her parents hated her, that's why they left. They left her to be a pathetic mess of person. She'd never be happy again. Never. And, she knew it was true. She knew all of it was true, yet she didn't want to believe it. She never wanted to. Yet, the tears continued to pour down her face as the truth sunk in. It was like a knife in her heart, one that continued to sink deeper and deeper.  
_

Dezeray awoke in a cold sweat, tears rushing down her face, all of the thoughts she'd had when she was seven filled her head. Nobody loved her. Her parents left her because they hated her. Nobody cared. Her parents left her all alone in this cruel, cruel world. She couldn't keep it back, the tears, the sobs, the urges. She rushed to the bathroom and grabbed her blade, cutting scarlet line after scarlet line. Not holding back. Not caring how deep or how much they hurt; for nothing could hurt more than the pain of loosing your parents and thinking that they hated you. 

"Dez! Stop!" Zisteau says, rushing over to Dezeray. 

Zisteau takes the blade from her and tosses it on the counter and pulls Dezeray onto his lap. He presses a towel against her wrist, soaking up the pooling blood. 

"What were you thinking? You could've killed yourself!" Zisteau says, anger and fear seeping into his voice. 

Dezeray collapses against Zisteau's chest, sobbing. He didn't understand. He wouldn't. "They.... they hated me!" Dezeray sobs.

"Who?" 

"My-my parents." 

"I highly doubt that Dezeray, nobody could hate you." 

"Then why did they leave me?" 

"It wasn't their choice sweetheart. Everyone has their time, and that was theirs." 

"Nobody loves me." Dezeray whispers, hugging Zisteau tightly, afraid that he would just disappear. 

"That's not true. Kurt and I love you. You're our daughter, Dezeray, there's no way we couldn't." Zisteau says gently, brushing some hair out of Dezeray's face and placing a kiss on her head. 

Dezeray hadn't felt this kind of love since her parents. It's the one thing she had craved ever so much. She started calming down, as Zisteau held her. She didn't know what she was going to do, or how, but she knew she just might be able to get through it with Kurt and Zisteau supporting her. She felt her eyes drooping closed. She suddenly felt so drained. So tired. 

"I love you dad." Dezeray murmured as she feel into a dreamless sleep; Zisteau holding her close.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes all you can do is cry

Dezeray woke up feeling groggy. She felt like shit, to be honest. Her wrist hurt and her head pounded. But, she got up and got dressed anyway. She couldn't already be missing school; it had barely been a week. By the time she was dressed and went into the bathroom to get around, she already felt thoroughly done. Her reflection showed it too. Her skin looked unusually pale and the dark bags under her eyes looked so out of place on her young face. She looked so tired, which is exactly how she felt. She headed out into the kitchen and took a seat at the table. 

"Morning Dez..... how ya feeling?" Zisteau asks hesitantly, setting a plate of food in front of her.

"Like shit." Dezeray replies, pushing the plate away.

The food, as good as it probably was, looked disgusting right now. She had no appetite at all. 

"Not hungry?" 

Dezeray shakes her head "No." 

"Do you want to stay home today?" 

"No, I need to go to school, I can't get behind already." 

"Alright, well, try to stay positive, ok?" 

"I'll try." 

"Morning guys." Kurt says cheerily, coming into the kitchen.

"Morning cutie." Zisteau says with a playful smile. 

Kurt blushes and sends him a look. "Any who, you ready to go Dez?" 

"Uh, yeah, just give me a sec." Dezeray replies, grabbing her backpack. 

The two head out to the car and get in. Kurt glances at Dezeray every so often, almost as if he wants to say something, but doesn't. They arrive at the school and Kurt says bye with a wave and drives off. Dezeray sighs as she makes her way into the school. She grabs her stuff from her locker and heads to class. MC was already in his seat, looking cheery as always. Dezeray sits in her seat beside him, trying desperately to not pull at her sleeves to make it seem obvious. 

"Hiya Dezz.... what's wrong? Are you okay? Why?" MC instantly started asking questions. 

It was scary how well MC could read Dezeray. It was scary how well he already knew her and how well they got along. That is what friends are like though, right?

"I-I had a rough night." Dezeray says quietly, looking down at her hands.

"What happened?" MC asks gently.

"I had a dream about my parents.... and... I... I had a breakdown and I couldn't stop myself." 

"How bad is it?" 

"Really bad." Dezeray admits, pulling back her sleeve slightly, letting MC see the damage. 

"It'll be okay Dez. I'm positive of it." 

"I'm not." Dezeray mutters. 

"Hey, don't be that way." MC says gently but sternly. "You know better times are to come, it may just take a while." 

"Sure." 

"Hey babe." Max says, butting into their conversation. 

"Max." Was all Dezeray said.

"This Saturday I'm gonna take you to dinner. I'll pick you up around five." 

"I...." 

Max leans down and kisses Dezeray. He leaves with a wink and heads back to his desk. Dezeray's lips tingled as she stared after him. She had never wanted anything more than to kiss him again. 

"He's really going after you, isn't he?" MC asks. 

"Uh huh." Dezeray says, the wall of emotions seeping into her voice. 

"And you want him, don't you?" 

"Uh huh." 

MC chuckles. "Just be careful Dez." 

"I promise I will."

The teacher started talking, which was an absolute bore. Dezeray was so tired, that she almost instantly fell asleep. 

_  
"Where are my parents?" Dezeray asks, her voice rough._

_"We need to check your condition, you were in a car accident." A doctor says, firmly avoiding her question._

_"No." Dezeray crosses her arms childishly. "Where are my parents?"_

_The doctor sighs and sits on the edge of the bed. He didn't look happy at all._

_"Dezeray, your parents, they didn't make it."_

_That hit Dezeray hard. Like a punch to the gut. It hurt her so much. Though, she didn't know how to respond as a wall of emotions hit her. Tears started pouring down her face as sobs racked through her body. Her parents died. How is a girl so young supposed to take that, supposed to deal with it?  
_

Dezeray awoke in tears. The whole class was staring at her. It made the tears fall more and more. She was so embarrassed. She ran from the room in tears and leaned against a locker, sinking to the ground. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to relive those terrible moments. She didn't want to be in tears at every dream. She didn't want any of it, yet it was forced upon her. 

"Dezeray." MC says gently, sitting in front of her. 

Dezeray looks up and sees MC's gentle blue eyes looking at her worriedly. She didn't want MC to be worried about her. She didn't want to bring him to that, but she really couldn't help it. 

"What happened Dez?" 

"I-I had a nightmare...." 

"About what?" 

"My-my parents...."

"I'm sorry Dez." 

"It-it was when I woke up in the hospital.... No one would tell me what had happened.... and... and then they did..." Dezeray sobbed, collapsing against MC. 

MC hugged her and stroked her hair. This was what Dezeray really needed. Someone to comfort her, but not give her sympathy. 

"It's okay Dez, it's okay." MC murmured soothingly. 

Dezeray just hugged him and buried her face in his chest. She just wanted the pain to go away. She just wanted the constant heartache to go away. It had been so many years, yet the pain was still there. The hole in her life was still there. The cracks in her heart were still there. They always would be. But god did she want it all to go away. She just wanted it all to just disappear. The thought briefly crossed her mind, _why don't I just end it all? Then I would finally be pain free._

"Dez, Your dad is here to pick you up." MC says gently. 

Dezeray nods and MC helps her stand up. Her knees were weak and she felt so shaky. MC walked with her out to Zisteau's car. He held her at arms length, smiling gently at her. 

"Try not to freak out, okay?"

"I'll try..." Dezeray says quietly. 

MC gives her a small smile and a tight hug. Dezeray returns the hug. She was so glad to have such an amazing friend. She didn't understand why she deserved him, but somehow, she was lucky enough to have him, despite the dreary thoughts of herself. 

"Hey Dezzy, you okay?" Zisteau asks after he starts driving.

"No." Dezeray says, shaking her head, suddenly feeling really sick. 

"You don't look so good." 

Dezeray just leans her head on the window, wanting this horrible day to be over. 

"What happened, by the way?" 

"I feel asleep during class and I had another nightmare." 

"Oh?" 

"Can we not talk about it?" Dezeray asks quietly. 

"Of course." 

The rest of the ride was quiet, Dezeray felt so sick, so drained. She felt really weak and dizzy. She felt so close to loosing control. She didn't want to. But, she couldn't control it, no matter how hard she tried. They got home soon and Dezeray grabbed Zisteau's arm before he could get out. 

"Uh... Z... Dad.... Could you uh... could you take all the razors from my room... I just want them gone." Dezeray asks awkwardly. 

"Yeah, of course." 

Dezeray lets go of his arm and the two head into the house. Dezeray sits on the couch, hugging a pillow. She knew she was so close to loosing control. She knew just one more thought gone too dark would do it. She just wanted it to go away, the daze she was put in whenever anything became too much. She couldn't control herself, and it was scary. It was only getting worse, too. 

"They are all taken care of." Zisteau says, sitting on the couch beside her. 

"Thank you." Dezeray says weakly. 

"Oh, uh, this came in the mail.... it's from someone named Aurey?" Zisteau hands Dezeray an envelope. 

Dezeray takes it and sees Aurey's cute curly handwriting. She hadn't expected another letter from her, honestly, she was almost sure that Aurey had forgotten about her. She opened the envelope and set it aside. The letter was written on light pink paper, which was honestly expected. 

_  
Dear Dez,_

_I just wanted to check up on you Dezzy, you never wrote back. I really hope your new life is great! Are there any cute boys? Or anyone's ass I need to kick? God, it's weird without you here, but I'm managing, I hope you are too. I hope you've made some new friends!_

_You'll have to give me a call soon so we can talk, you should know my number. Anyway, write/call back soon!_

_Love ya!  
Aurey_

_P.S. I gotcha a little something, hope you like it!  
_

Dezeray looked in the envelope and saw a silver chain. she picked it up and saw a silver heart pendant hanging from the chain. The heart looked very intricate with its etched in designs. She noticed that it opened, which lead to her finding the picture of Aurey and herself inside. They looked so happy in that picture. But, more importantly, Dezeray looked happy in that picture. It was so untrue to how she really felt. But, that moment had been happy, it had been nice, really. 

"Who's that from?" Zisteau asks, looking at the necklace curiously. 

"An old friend, Aurey." Dezeray replies, clipping the necklace in place with shaky hands. 

"Have you ever seen Doctor Who?" Zisteau asks randomly. 

"Uh... no." 

"You wanna watch it then?" 

"Sure." 

Zisteau turns on the TV, bringing up a really old looking show. It was actually really good, Dezeray found out. She also found out how many seasons the show had. But, no matter how hard Dezeray tried, she just couldn't stay awake. She quickly fell asleep, her head on Zisteau's shoulder. 

_  
Everything was darkness around her, there was no light. She saw shadowed figures of people, all ones she recognized. The first were her parents._

_"We never loved you...." Her moms voice echoed around her as the two disappeared._

_The next was her first foster parents, who had been borderline abusive._

_"You're a dumb shit."_

_Another person, her first friend._

_"I'm so sorry for you! Let me help you!"_

_Her first boyfriend._

_"She's way hotter than you, you're just a little bitch."_

_Her last foster parents, were the next._

_"You're just a big fucking screw up! No one ever loved you."_

_Regan was next._

_"You're the worst date I've had, I don't know why I ever thought you were nice."_

_Next was Aurey._

_"You left me you bitch! I trusted you and loved you as a friend.... but you never actually trusted me!"_

_All the voices echoed through her head. All the hateful words hit like punches to the gut. She wanted to cry, to breakdown, to run away and be free of this hell, but she couldn't move, she was stuck there, listening, seeing. Every insecure little thought she'd ever had was there. And, it hurt so much. All she could do was take the abuse as all the voices continued echoing through her head.  
_

Dezeray awoke to Zisteau shaking her shoulder. "Dez!" 

Dezeray just bawled as the world was crumbling beneath her. It felt like she was on an island, a shrinking one, and she was left with barely enough room to stand. 

"Are you okay?" Zisteau asks.

Dezeray had lost her control. And, this time she knew it. She could tell. And, she didn't want to hurt herself again. 

"I.... everyone hates me." Dezeray sobs.

"That's not true..." 

"But... but it is... everyone hates me. My parents, my friends, everyone." 

"Dez, your parents didn't hate you. None of your friends hate you. why would you think that?" 

"Because... I know it's true...." 

Dezeray didn't know how to act anymore. She felt so lost and broken. She was a shell of person, never to be whole again. She didn't know why everything seemed to be crumbling around her. Her world was falling apart and she didn't know what to do. 

"It'll be okay Dez." Zisteau says comfortingly. 

Everyone kept telling her it would be ok, everyone believed it too. But, Dezeray couldn't believe it; actually, she didn't believe it. Everything only seemed to be constantly getting worse. A slow spiral into darkness and depression.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How can you trust anyone if you can't trust yourself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is mentions of abuse, rape, self harm, sucidal thoughts, drinking, and drug use in this chapter, you have been warned.

Dezeray headed out into the living room after waking up and making a frantic trip to the bathroom. She felt so terrible. School was definitely not happening today and possibly tomorrow. Kurt was sitting on the couch shivering with Zisteau sitting beside him. 

"He's sick too?" Dezeray asks as she sits down. 

"Yeah, looks like we're all staying home today." Zisteau says with a chuckle.

"Why are you staying here?" Dezeray asks confused.

"To make sure you two are doing okay."

"Okay...."

Kurt snuggles into Zisteau's side and lays his head on his shoulder. "I'm not letting him leave anyway." Kurt says quietly. 

A small smile crept onto Dezeray's face. Kurt and Zisteau are so freakin adorable. They were so cute and Dezeray really hoped to have a relationship like that one day.

"I already called you in sick. But, the counselor wants to talk to you when you go back to school." 

"About what?" 

"What happened yesterday in class." 

"Oh...." 

"What did happen?" Kurt asks, eyeing Dezeray curiously. 

"I-I... uh..." 

Dezeray didn't know if she should tell them. She knew they deserved to know, but she just didn't know. She felt like she trusted them, but she wasn't sure. 

"You don't have to tell us Dez. I know it's hard." Zisteau says gently.

Dezeray felt so safe around them. She hadn't even been there for long, yet she already felt at home. Maybe she could tell them. She knew she had to.

"I.... I need to tell you guys.... I mean.... not just about yesterday, but everything. You deserve to know." Dezeray says as she moves over to sit between Kurt and Zisteau. 

"I was seven when my parents died." Dezeray started, tears already welling up. "We had gone to my grandparents for Thanksgiving and we were on our way back. It was really late so it was dark and it had been storming. We were hit by a drunk driver and I had passed out. I woke up in a hospital three days later. I.... I.... didn't know what had happened and nobody would tell me...." Dezeray stopped as the memories replayed in her head. 

It hurt so much to relive those moments. To think she had already gone through it once, yet she still had to relive it every time she had a nightmare. She hated it. 

Zisteau opened his mouth to say something, but Dezeray stopped him. "Then they told me.... I... I was so broken after that. They were the only family I had. I had no one left, literally. I spent every day in the hospital until the funeral. After the funeral I went to my first foster parents house. They um.... they had no children and no experience raising them.... I.... The dad... He uh... he was abusive. And the mom did nothing about it. She just sat and watched as he yelled at me and beat me....." Dezeray took a shuddering breath and continued, fighting through the lump in her throat. "Eventually I was moved to a different family. It was much like the other one. This continued for a long time, until a year ago, that is. That's when I was placed with the Cook's. They hadn't had any record of anything. It had seemed okay at first. I went to a new school. I made a friend, Aurey. She was the first real friend I'd had since I was seven. But, then everything seemed to get worse. My foster parents were always out drinking or doing drugs. Which left me all alone most of the time, which wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either. They were abusive as well. But, it wasn't just verbally and physically.... he uh.... he raped me..." Dezeray sobbed as the last few words left her mouth. 

She had never told anybody this. Ever. She had been too scared to. She thought that he'd get mad and beat her or do it again. She had been left cowering in a corner sobbing and scared to death. 

".... He... he threatened to hurt me if I told anyone... and... and I never did. They both hated me.... I don't know why.... but they did. I was just a big failure to them. This went on for a year..... That's why I started cutting..... I don't want to. I hate it.... but it was the only way I could get through the day....... I... I've almost killed myself so many times..... I-I...." 

Dezeray breaks down and buries her face in her hands as sobs rack through her body. It scared her so much, telling anyone this. She didn't want them to hate her. She didn't want them to have to worry about her. But, she had to tell them everything. 

"I-I don't know what kept me from doing it.... I... I hated life so much.... I just wanted to end it all, yet I couldn't. I ended up in the hospital because of it once..... I've never told anyone this... ever." 

Kurt and Zisteau shared a look. They were both so shocked. They'd known she'd had a bit of a rough life, but not that bad. The poor girl had been through so so much. They both hugged Dezeray. They knew she needed it. Dezeray just continued to cry and cry as she was hugged. She didn't know what to do anymore. She was a huge fucking mess of a person. 

"Thank you for telling us Dezeray." Zisteau says gently. "But.... I do have one question... Do you still... uh... want to... you know... end it all?"

Dezeray wasn't honestly sure. Some days she did and some she didn't. It was like her world was a continuously rolling dice with only two options. "Yes and no...." She says shakily. 

"Just promise me you won't Dez.... I couldn't stand loosing you... you mean so much to me.... us." Zisteau says, looking at her seriously. 

She nodded, looking Zisteau straight in the eyes. "I promise." 

The three sat on the couch for a long while. Kurt and Zisteau tried their best to comfort Dezeray, who could only cry. Her world continued to crumble around her. She eventually went back to her room and laid down. Her thoughts were an absolute mess. She continued to wonder if she really trusted Kurt and Zisteau. She had told them about her parents and her past. She hadn't told anyone about it. Ever. Maybe she did trust them. 

"Hey Dez." 

Dezeray sits up, glancing at the door, where MC was standing. 

"Hey MC." 

MC made his way over to Dezeray's bed and sat down. "How ya feeling?" 

"Eh, I've been better." Dezeray says. 

"You've been crying, what's wrong?" 

"I... I told them...." 

"Told them what?"

"About my parents and my past and.... and everything that happened." 

"Oh...." 

"MC... I... I just want you to know.... I have a lot of trust issues and I just... I don't know if I truly trust you... or them..." 

"It's okay Dez." MC says with a gentle smile, putting his hand on Dezeray's comfortingly. "I totally understand." 

"... I wanna trust you... I really do... but I just don't know if I can...." Dezeray says sadly. "What's wrong with me?" She asks quietly, mostly to herself. 

"Dez... Have you ever thought that maybe you don't trust yourself?" 

"Trust myself?" Dezeray says quietly, the question bouncing around in her head. 

Maybe that was the source of all of her problems. She couldn't trust herself. It all made sense. If she couldn't trust herself, how could she trust anyone else? 

"I don't mean anything bad Dez." 

"I know MC... It's just... I think you're right.... I don't trust myself...." 

"You need a hug?" 

Dezeray nods and MC wraps his arms around her tightly. Dezeray hugged MC back just as tightly. She didn't know how to trust herself or anyone. She didn't even understand how she deserved such an amazing friend. MC was so patient and caring. All she was is an emotionally unstable person. 

"Thank you MC." Dezeray says quietly. 

"What for?" 

"For dealing with me.... I don't know how you do it. I'm just a huge mess." 

"Now Dezeray." MC says, holding Dezeray at an arms length. "Don't ever call yourself that. You may not be perfect, and your life may not be the best. But, you are not a huge mess. You are the best you, you can be. So don't ever tell me, or anyone else, otherwise." 

Dezeray just nodded as tears welled up, threatening to spill onto her pale cheeks. She really didn't deserve such an amazing friend.


	9. Chapter 9

"Ah, good morning Dezeray." The counselor says cheerily. 

"Uh... hi." Dezeray says awkwardly.

"Just take a seat." 

"Right..." 

Dezeray sits across from the, way too cheery, counselor.

"I'm Mrs. Shippy, it's a pleasure to meet you, Dezeray." 

"Yeah... It's nice to meet you too." 

"So, I'd like to talk about what happened the other day in class. Care to explain?" 

"Um... I... I had a nightmare."

"What about?" 

"My parents..."

"You mean Mr. Mac's?"

"Uh... no... my real parents..." 

"What happened in the nightmare?"

Dezeray just stares at Mrs. Shippy for a few seconds, trying to keep her composure. She didn't want to talk about it at all, let alone with her. 

"I... I'd rather not talk about it."

"Why?" 

"It's.... A touchy subject..." 

"Alright, we don't have to talk about it then. You can head to class now, thank you for meeting with me." 

"Yeah, sure." Dezeray says as she makes her way to class. 

Dezeray takes her seat beside MC, who sends her a smile. She returns the smile and focuses on the teacher, who was giving some boring lecture, as always. 

"So... how'd it go?" MC asks after the teacher had finally stopped talking. 

"It was awkward." Dezeray replies. 

"Did she ask about...?" 

"Yeah, and I said I didn't want to talk about it." 

"That's only fair, I guess." 

"Yeah..." 

MC suddenly goes quiet and motions behind Dezeray. She looks and sees Max coming over to them. 

"Hiya Dezzy." Max says, casting his irresistible gaze on her. 

"... Hi Max." Dezeray replies, getting lost in Max's beautiful grey-gold eyes. 

"You weren't here, I was worried about you." 

"I uh... I was sick."

"I just wanted to make sure my beautiful girl was okay."

A small smile tugs at Dezeray's lips at Max's compliment. 

"I gotta get back to my seat, can't wait for tomorrow though." Max continues. 

"Yeah..." 

Max leans in to give Dezeray a kiss before heading off. 

"He's sure a charmer, isn't he?" MC asks sarcastically.

"Yeah...." 

"Dez.... are you really sure it's a good idea to go tomorrow?" MC asks skeptically. 

"Why would you ask that?" 

"I dunno.... because of everything that's been going on." 

"Are you implying that I'm not strong enough or stable enough?" Dezeray asks, a little bit of anger seeping into her voice.

"No, no, of course not. I'm confident that you're both strong enough and stable enough. I'm just not sure if it's a good choice is all." 

"Do you not think I can make a good choice?" 

MC sighs. "It's not that Dez, I know you'll make the right decision, I'm just nervous about this. You know I don't hold Max highly." 

"I know you don't MC, but I'll be smart, I promise." 

 

It wasn't until Dezeray got in the car with Zisteau that she realized she actually hasn't asked if she could go tomorrow. 

"Hey... dad... can I go on a date with Max tomorrow?" Dezeray asks nervously, afraid of how he'd react.

"A date? Are you sure that's wise?" Zisteau asks, throwing her a skeptical look.

"Uh... yes?"

"Alright, but as long as Kurt says its okay."

The rest of the ride was quiet, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Dezeray's mind kept going back to her conversation with MC. He obviously wanted her to be careful; obviously wanted the best for her. Though, she couldn't figure out why. Why would anyone actually care about what happened to her? It's not like anyone had before. She was always an after thought to everyone. No one ever really cared about her. 

The two headed into the house to find Kurt laying on the floor with a book over his face.

"What're you doing?" Zisteau asks with a chuckle. 

"Reading." 

"Not what I meant cutie." 

Kurt blushes, sending Zisteau a lazy smile. "I fell off the couch when I fell asleep and I was comfortable, so I stayed here." 

That makes Dezeray laugh. Kurt could be so weird, which was an amazing thing, really. 

"Any who, Dezeray has a question for you."

"And, that would be?" Kurt questions, sitting up. 

"Can I go on a date with Max tomorrow?" Dezeray asks.

Kurt gives her a skeptical look. "Now, who is this Max?" 

"A really cute guy...." 

Kurt takes a deep breath. "Fine, but you have to be home by ten at the latest." 

"Thanks dads." Dezeray says. 

 

Dezeray looked at herself in the mirror again, looking at her newly done makeup. She didn't necessarily like wearing makeup, but this was a date, and she wanted to look nice. She headed out into the living room to wait for Max to arrive. 

"Why don't you look beautiful." Zisteau says, causing Dezeray to blush.

"Thanks." 

Not long after, the doorbell rings, signifying that Max was there. Dezeray goes to answer the door, but is stopped by Zisteau, who obviously wanted to meet Max. 

"Ah, you must be Max." Zisteau says warmly after opening the door. 

"He is cute." Kurt whispers to Dezeray.

"Dad!" 

Kurt laughs.

"Hey Dez, you look great." Max says, casting his irresistible gaze on her. 

"Thanks, you do too." 

"You ready to go?" 

"Uh, yeah."

"Have her home by ten, no later." Zisteau says as the two make their way to the door.

"Of course." 

The two head out to Max's car. He starts driving quietly, not really talking much. He drove through downtown and they ended up at a nice looking restaurant. The two headed in and sat at a table. After they ordered, Max started a conversation. 

"So, Dez, where did you live before you came here?" 

"West coast." Dezeray answers simply. 

"So you've never experienced winter?" 

"No, I haven't, though I'm guessing its beautiful." 

Max snorts. "Beautiful, sure, for the first few days. We get a lot of snow here." 

"Alright then." 

"Anyway, tell me about yourself Dez." 

"Well, I always lived on the west coast, until about a month ago when I moved here." 

"Why did you move here?" 

"I was moved from my last foster family... for reasons..." 

"Foster care, I take it?"

"Yeah." 

"How'd that happen?" 

Dezeray was definitely not ready to have that conversation yet, maybe not ever again. Telling Kurt and Zisteau had been hard enough. 

"Max.... I'd rather not talk about it." 

"That's fine, I was just curious."

The rest of dinner went rather smoothly, Max having not brought up Dezeray's past again, which was definitely a good thing. Afterwords, it actually wasn't too late, so Max had suggested they go back to his house to just talk, so that's where they ended up. 

"So... your parents aren't home?" Dezeray asks nervously. 

"No, they're having a date night." 

"Right..." 

Max pulls Dezeray onto his lap, pulling her into a deep kiss. Dezeray kisses back quickly, loving how it made her feel. His hands wandered under her shirt, stroking the soft skin there. That made Dezeray shudder. It was absolutely wonderful how wanted Max made her feel. It felt so right. Maybe this was exactly what she needed, someone to like her for her. To like, maybe even love, everything about her, and not who she thinks she needs to be. 

Max breaks the kiss to flip there position so he was over her on the couch. He quickly undid her jeans, yanking them out of the way. Dezeray's mind snapped back to reality, leaving the dreamy, hopeful, daze she had been in. 

"Max.... no... I-I can't... we... we can't." Dezeray manages, trying to push Max off of her.

Max puts his hands on her shoulders, keeping her pinned in place. The look in his eyes scared Dezeray so much. It wasn't love, no, it was pure lust. He didn't actually like her. He just wanted her for her body. Dezeray knew she had to get out of there. 

"You know you want this Dezeray. You know you need this." Max sneers, pulling at her shirt.

"No... Max... I-I don't want this." Dezeray pleads. 

"Well that's just to fucking bad."

Max grabs Dezeray's wrists roughly, tying a rope tightly around them. The rope hurt Dezeray's wrists, and squirming to try to get out only made it worse. She just laid there and let Max have his way, for there wasn't a thing she could do to stop him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you don't know why you don't just end it all. Sometimes you don't see the real reason is right in front of you.

Dezeray collapsed against an old brick wall as rain poured down in sheets, drenching her. She was shaking and crying and unable to think clearly. She sobbed as she shakily pulled out her phone, which was thankfully in a water proof case. She quickly dialed the only person she could think of in that moment. 

"Hey Dezeray!" Comes MC's cheery voice over the phone.

"M-MC...." Dezeray sobs out as thunder crashes loudly in the distance. 

"Oh my gosh! Dez! What's wrong? Where are you?" MC says in a rush, worry lacing his voice. 

"I-I... MC... just... come get me... I... I need you...." 

"Where. Are. You." MC says sternly but gently. 

"The gas station.... by Navy Pier....." 

"I'll be there soon." MC says, with ruffling in the background. 

The call ends and Dezeray hugs her knees to her chest. She didn't know how to react. She didn't know what to do. She had actually tried trusting Max. She thought he was going to make her happy. That he'd be the one to help her change for the better. Her mind was so jumbled with thoughts. She couldn't process anything. She wanted it to all end. She just wanted the pain to go away. She wanted everything to. She was suddenly being hugged, which made her tense up and try to scramble away from the person. 

"Dez. It's okay, it's just me." Comes MC's soothing voice as he hugs her.

Dezeray collapses against him and sobs into his chest. God was she broken. 

"What happened Dez?" MC asks gently. 

"He-he.... r..." was all Dezeray could says as the images came back to her mind. 

"He did what?!?" MC asks, anger seeping into his voice.

"He... raped me.... MC... he... he..." 

"Have you told your parents?" MC asks, sounding oddly calm, though he looked very angry. 

Dezeray shakes her head.

"Come on, Dez. Lets get you home. You're gonna get a cold being out here." 

MC leads Dezeray to his car and starts driving. It was quiet and an uncomfortable tension hung in the air. But, Dezeray couldn't care. All she could do was curl up in a ball and cry as sobs racked through her body. 

MC speed the whole way back to her house. He couldn't believe something so terrible happened to Dezeray. She didn't deserve that. He had warned her. He wanted to protect her, but he didn't want to be too intrusive or controlling. He just wanted to be a good friend. He carried Dezeray into the house. She just clung to him, unwilling to let go of him. He was her anchor at that point. Possibly the only thing keeping her from ending it all. 

"What the hell happened?!?" Zisteau asks, rushing over to them with Kurt not far behind. 

"Max." Was all MC said, but his voice was full of venom. 

Zisteau tried to take Dezeray from MC, but she clung to him, so MC sat down on the couch, Dezeray in his lap. He hugged her close, feeling her shivering and shaking. 

"What happened?" Kurt asks.

"Max... well... he... raped her." MC says. 

"That son of a bitch will pay." Zisteau says angrily. 

"Calm down Z...." Kurt says, placing a hand on Zisteau's thigh. 

"But look what he did!" Zisteau yells.

Kurt looks hurt, but stays calm. "Zisteau. We need to worry about Dezeray first. We need to make sure she's okay."

Zisteau takes a deep breath. "You're right.... I'm sorry." 

"Guys... we need to get her into some dry clothes, she's freezing." MC says, interrupting their conversation. 

"Right.... how are we gonna do that?" 

"I'll help her to her room...." 

MC helps her stand up, but she doesn't try to move. He sighs and picks her up, carrying her to her room, where he closes the door. He helps her to the bed and grabs a pair of fluffy pajamas for her. 

"Dez. I need you to put these on. You'll get sick if you stay in those clothes." MC says gently.

"W-what's the point?" Dezeray whispers. 

"You'll get sick, Dez, come on."

"There-there's no point MC.... there's no point to trying anymore...." Dezeray says sadly, a thick fog clouding her mind. "I'd rather just die...." 

"Dezeray!" MC says shocked. "Why would you say that?" 

"Because there's no point MC. Life just isn't worth living. Nothing good ever happens. Ever. I'd rather just go and slit my wrists than have to endure another day...." 

MC held Dezeray at an arms length, his warm hands on her freezing skin, his eyes locked on hers. There wasn't any emotion there. She had been through far too much.

"Life is worth living Dezeray. Just because so much bad has happened doesn't mean there isn't any good. There's always good, you've just got to be open enough to see it. And I never wanna hear you say that again Dezeray. There's far too many people who care about you for you to just go and kill yourself. We're all here for you Dez. I'm here for you. I always will be." MC says, tears forming in his eyes. "It scares me so much Dezeray, hearing you say those things. You're an amazing person Dezeray. You don't deserve any of this, and I wish I could take all of it away. But I can't, and it makes me so sad and angry." 

Dezeray just stares at MC with emotionless blue-green eyes. MC cared so much, yet she couldn't get the thought out of her head; _I'd be better off dead._ She just stared at MC. She wanted to believe every word he said. She wanted it all to be true, yet she couldn't believe it. She couldn't, not after everything that had happened. How could she? She'd been through so much. She didn't know why she just didn't end it all. She wanted to so badly, yet she didn't. She didn't know why she didn't, but somehow she kept finding the will to keep fighting. That's just who she was. She was the girl who kept getting beaten down and still found a way to keep fighting. 

"MC... I'm... I'm so sorry.... I... I..." Dezeray tries as tears fill her eyes. 

"There's no reason to be sorry Dezeray. Just go change and then we can talk, okay?"

"Okay...."

Dezeray heads into the bathroom and changes out of her soaking wet clothes. She stares at herself for a second. She saw a glint of metal on the counter and the thought briefly crossed her mind and she almost grabbed it. But, she restrained herself and left the bathroom quickly. MC and Dezeray head out into the living room and sit on the couch as a sheriff questions Kurt and Zisteau. 

"Are you Dezeray?" The sheriff asks. 

Dezeray nods mutely. 

"We have some questions for you." 

"Okay..."

"Why were you with Max?" 

"He was taking me on a date."

"And you went to his house afterwords, correct?" 

"Yes."

"And you were aware that his parents weren't home?" 

"Yes..."

"What happened exactly?" 

"He-he.... Pinned me to the couch and... and I told him no... but-but he didn't listen... he... he tied my wrists together... and... and..." Dezeray dissolves into tears, burying her face in Zisteau's chest. 

"Thank you for answering, Dezeray. We'll leave you and your family alone now." The sheriff says. 

Long after they leave, Dezeray stays in Zisteau's embrace. She was far to broken to be by herself. It wasn't until Zisteau and Kurt hesitantly went to bed that Dezeray was left with MC in the living room. She curled up against his side, too afraid to be alone. 

"Dez... it's late, I better get going." MC says sadly. 

Dezeray's eyes suddenly fill with fear. "No... please don't go MC... I don't want to be alone... I'm scared." 

MC sighs quietly and hugs Dezeray. "Alrighty Dezzy, I'll stay." 

Dezeray eventually relaxed and fell asleep with her head on MC's shoulder. 

MC gently kisses her head. "I'll always protect you Dezeray." MC whispered in a quiet, unheard, confession.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts can be so dark and depressing

".... Can I not go to school today?" Dezeray asks quietly, staring down at her hands. 

Kurt and Zisteau share a concerned look. "Of course." 

"T-thanks." 

Dezeray heads back to her room, holding back tears. She was so emotional. She didn't know what was up and down; wrong or right. Her world had crumbled beneath her and she felt like she was constantly falling into darkness. And she didn't know how to stop her decent. She didn't know how it would end. Would it be the death of her, or would she find her way back into the light? 

Whatever was going to happen, she just wished it would already. She was tired of this. The constant pain. She wasn't the same person she used to be. She had once been a happy go lucky little girl who didn't fear anything. She was a shell of that person now. She may look the same, but she definitely wasn't. She was depressed and scared of everything. She wanted it to end. She wanted to be free, to be the version of herself that was locked inside. 

But she just couldn't. Not because she didn't want to, but because that poor young girl had been cracked and broken. Left alone and in tears oh so many times. Every time she felt like things were finally going good, finally able to find herself again, it was brought to a grinding halt. It put another crack in her already broken, fragile soul. How many more cracks could it take before it finally shattered, finally gave way to so many years of sadness, stress, anger, longing, depression, and heartbreak. 

She looked at herself in the mirror. She saw a once happy girl. She saw a broken person, who looked to never be whole again. She saw a heartbroken girl. Her heart had been shattered into a million pieces, yet it was still strong enough to be whole. How had she gotten into this mess? How had she become who she was? She didn't want this. She never had.

A small glimmer of silver caught her eye. A thought crossed her mind; _I should just end it. I should take away the pain. I should be finally free._ But no, she couldn't end it. She couldn't do it, but she didn't know why. Something kept her from taking the blade and slitting her wrists; from watching the blood pool around her as her vision faded to black. As the pain finally lifted from her heart. As everything finally felt okay.

She sighed deeply as she sat on her bed, looking around her room. It felt like home. It had everything she could ever want, but it still didn't feel like enough. Nothing was enough to fill that hole in her life; to make her feel whole again. Kurt and Zisteau were trying and she knew that, but even they weren't enough. She had so desperately hoped that this move would be good. That she might be able to be happy. That maybe, just maybe, she'd have parents who actually cared about her again. To have someone to love her and hold her close. But she had no more hope for any of that. She was only hopeful that it would all end.

She saw the picture of her parents and her. She saw a happy family, a happy young girl. She saw what she used to be. She saw what happiness was. But, that's not a thing anymore. That was the past. That was a time when she was young and hopeful. When she thought she could conquer the world. That she could do anything if she put her heart into it. She had been a fearless young girl who wanted to do everything.

She looked down at her wrists, which were decorated with scars. Each one represented something. A really bad day. Hate. Sadness. Longing. Tears. Every scar told a story. Each story a tale of longing, hurt, anger, and sadness. Those scars represented the life she'd lived. It represented every single moment of hurt. It was something she was ashamed of. But she'd have to live with it for the rest of her life.

Nobody knew the real her anymore. Nobody knew how many times she hid in her room and cried and cried while trying to convince herself, that everything was okay, even though it wasn't. She'd spent so many days putting on a fake smile and trying to convince everyone she was okay; that she wasn't slowly breaking down on the inside; that her heart wasn't in a million pieces. But how can she convince others when she can't even convince herself? Why does she keep trying? Why does she keep giving and giving when it feels like there's nothing left to give? She was fighting an uphill battle, which she was slowly loosing. 

She wished someone would understand what she was going through. She wished she had someone by her side, to hug her, to hold her, to tell her it was okay. She so wanted it, but at the same time it scared her. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to be able to face her fears, to face her problems, simply face the day, but she couldn't. She was so scared. So scarred. So broken. 

She felt herself continuing her free fall into darkness. She felt that control still barely there. She knew she couldn't take much more before she'd finally snap. Before she finally gave in. Before she ended it all. She knew how close she was, and she found it scary, yet enduring. The thought that she could end it all. The thought that she'd finally be done with it all. 

Everyone kept telling her no, don't do it. You're worth living. But what did that matter. No one cared. No one saw the true her. No one saw the pain. No one saw the shattered pieces of her heart that were somehow still together. No one knew what she was really going through. 

Tears rolled down her cheeks as her mind continued to swirl with dark, depressing thoughts. Though one thought was most prominent: _I just want to be dead. Is she really too far gone to be saved?_


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you keep living when all you want is to end it all?

_Dezeray walked down a foggy road, which split in two different roads at the end. One was a cute blue house, the one she grew up in, and her parents smiling. The other was a hospital with a crashed car outside and two coffins. She tried to walk towards the house, but her feet wouldn't listen and she quickly approached the hospital. She walked down a hallway, one with only a single door. She approached the door and opened it cautiously. Inside was a familiar scene. She saw herself, but very young, and a doctor who watched her bawl with a concerned look on his face._

_She saw her younger self cry and cry, almost like there was nothing left. But, wasn't that true, having nothing left? Even then she knew the truth. Even so young she knew there was nothing left for her. Why hadn't she just ended it then and there? But she had been too young and innocent to think of that. She had been so young, so innocent, so hopeful. She had a bright future ahead of her, and it was all taken from her, by a single person. A single dumb drunk driver took her bright future and made it oh so dark._

_She walked out of the door, leaving the younger version of herself behind, and into a small house. She saw herself broken, bruised, and crying, and a man, her first foster dad, standing over her, looking ready to slap her again. The poor girl looked so beaten down, yet she still had that spark in her, the thing that kept her going. She walked out of the room and into another, seeing herself getting yelled at by a kid a few years older than herself. She was cowering in a corner, tears welling up in her eyes. Bullies. That had been another big thing in her childhood. She never knew why they picked on her, maybe she just looked vulnerable._

_She walked away from that, and the next thing she saw was a bright smile, green eyes, and red hair. Aurey. Her best friend. She was drawing while Aurey was babbling on about something. She missed those days, they were simple, nice. Aurey had been a little bit of joy in her depressing world._

_She turned her back and walked away. She saw herself, pinned to a bed, a pained expression plastered on her face, her old foster dad on top of her. She didn't want to look, but it felt like her eyes were glued to the scene before her. It made tears pour down her face and her body shake. She finally tore her gaze from the scene and ran from the room._

_She ran into another room, the kitchen, where Kurt was trying to cook and Zisteau was kissing his neck and tickling his sides. It put a smile on her face. This was one of the seldom moments that she was actually happy in her life. That felt like so long ago, though it was merely months. She sighed and turned her back and walked away from the cute scene. She next saw MC, a smile on his face and a friendly look in his eyes. She saw them talking, laughing. He made her smile. He was a light in her dark world. He was something she couldn't loose. She didn't know what she'd do without him. That thought scared her. She needed his cheeriness. She needed his support. She needed him in her life._

_She bit her lip. She hadn't ever felt like she needed anyone like this. She felt like she physically needed his presence to be okay, to feel okay. That scared her so much. She turned and walked out, not wanting that thought to continue. The next thing she saw was Max's naked body over her. She saw his hands all over her body, while hers were tied behind her. Grey-gold eyes stared at her, full of lust. All she could do was stare as she felt the shaking start._

_She ran away from that. She didn't want to have to relive that. The next thing she saw was MC hugging her tightly in the pouring rain. They were both soaking wet, but MC just hugged her, not caring. She walked away from that, and the next thing she saw was herself broken down and crying, asking MC to stay. She saw MC agree and herself falling asleep. Her vision faded to the foggy road. This time at the end, it split in two directions. One leading to darkness and the other to light. As she reached the split in the road, she stopped. Every scene she'd seen replayed in her head. Every terrible moment making her knees weak. She collapsed to the ground in tears, sobs racking through her body. She covered her ears with her hands as a voice rang through the air, shouting at her._

_"You are worthless!"  
_

Dezeray shot up, tears streaming down her face, sobs racking through her, shaking her body. She hugged her knees close to herself as she tried to breath, tried to stay calm. But, she could feel the panic attack starting. She felt the urge to grab a razor, to put it to her wrist, to cut deeply, to see the blood pool around her. But she knew she shouldn't. 

"Zisteau!" She shouted shakily, just hoping to god he was there. 

She heard frantic footsteps and Zisteau quickly ran into the room, fear evident on his face. "What's wrong?!?" He asked frantically. "Are you okay?!?"

"P-p-panic.... attack." She said shakily, feeling her control slipping. 

Zisteau hugged her tightly, rubbing her back. "Just breath Dez, it'll be okay."

Dezeray sobbed onto his shoulder, wanting nothing more than to stop the uneasiness in her stomach and the shaking. Wanting nothing more than to stop everything. She just wanted a normal life. A normal family. But she knew none of that would ever actually happen. She just wanted to end it all. She just wanted to be free of this hell. 

"It-it won't be..." Dezeray says quietly, clinging to Zisteau. 

"Yes it will." 

"No... no it won't.... it won't ever be.... Its-it's not worth it anymore..." 

"Don't say that Dezeray. It is worth it." 

".....Why?"

"Because you've got Kurt and I. You've got MC. He cares so much about you Dezzy, he wants you to be okay, just as much as Kurt and I do." 

It wasn't what she had anymore that really mattered, its what she lost. She had lost so, so much to this cruel thing they call life. She lost her parents. She lost her happiness. She lost her innocence. She lost that spark of hope she always kept lit. She lost everything that had ever been important to her. She didn't see the point anymore. She didn't think there was one. She'd already lost almost everything. The only thing she had left was her life, which she honestly didn't care if she lost. 

"I.... I don't want this.... anymore Zisteau.... I don't want the pain."

"I know Dezeray and I wish I could take it all away, but I don't know how, as much as I wish I did." 

"I just want it all to end." She says, her voice barely a whisper. 

Zisteau hugged her tighter, scared for the young girl's life. She was so young and still had so much ahead of her. She didn't deserve any of what had happened to her, and he wished he could take it all away and make her happy, but he didn't know how. All he could do was try and comfort her.

"That's not the answer Dezeray, killing yourself won't help anyone." 

"What is the answer then?" 

"I.... I don't honestly know Dezeray." 

No one knew the answer. No one ever would. She just didn't want to continue living like this. She didn't want to continue living with the pain, the sadness, the emptiness, the brokenness, the longing. One thought continued to play through her mind. _I wish I was dead._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How far can you really be pushed till your finally plummeting into darkness?

Dezeray sat on her bed, a note book on her lap, a pencil in hand. She stared at the paper before her. _Am I really doing this?_ She didn't know what to do anymore, this seemed like the only option. The only way to rid herself of the constant pain she felt deep down. The one that only this would take away. 

She had contemplated it all day, the pros and cons. And she'd finally come to a decision. She just didn't know if she could take it anymore. If she could take living in constant pain, living with the dread for not doing this sooner. Living with the constant sadness from her parents death. How could she live with every single terrible thing that had ever happened to her, that's the real question. 

Her life was full of lies, full of empty promises, full of sadness, full of let down. She had always known there was nothing left for her in this world. But she didn't know why she hadn't actually done this sooner. She wasn't worth it. The world wasn't worth it. The 'promise' of a better life wasn't. All the people who told her it would be okay, were wrong. They only told her because they didn't know how to help. They were scared to break her already broken heart. They were scared that if they simply said the wrong word that she'd come crumbling down, because she was oh so fragile.

Maybe they were right in the end. Maybe she was just this shell of a person who was terrified of their own shadow. She was so fragile, from already being broken down and beaten so many times before. She was left with cracks that ran deep, and scars that would forever remind her of all the pain, all the beatings, all the times people had taken advantage of her. 

She just had to face it, she wasn't strong, she never would be. She would always just be a weak shell of who she used to be. A faint echo of what she was. That person, that young girl so full of hope, happiness, innocence, and love, was tucked away deep inside, never to be seen again, because that young impressionable girl had had every single thing she ever loved taken from her. 

That's what brought her to her decision, she couldn't take it. Her past constantly haunted her and her future only brought more pain. More pain that she couldn't take. She couldn't take anymore or she would be totally and completely broken. Though, it already seemed that way. She let out a shaky breath and started writing. She wrote and wrote, pouring out her heart, writing all the unsaid things that would never be spoken. All the things that she had kept deep down, right with her old self. All the things she'd ever wanted to say but couldn't, because she knew it would all be to hard. That she'd break down and cry. 

Her hand shook as she signed the long letter, and tears poured down her face. This was it. It was finally, truly happening. She would finally be rid of the pain that had been encasing her whole life for so many years. She would finally be free, like she'd always wanted. 

She brought the blade to her wrist, breathing deeply. It started with one hesitant small cut. This was where she could turn back, where she could stop and rethink it. Then a second cut, much, much deeper than the first. It stung, but the pain was welcoming. She watched the blood starting to pool on her wrist before dripping onto her lap. She brought the gleaming blade back to her wrist, cutting a third and a fourth time, each just as deep as the last. 

Her vision started spinning, and her eyes stung with tears, but none of that mattered now. Nothing did. Nothing but this could take away the pain. This was the answer. The answer to all of her problems. This is what would finally give her the peace she needed. The last thing she saw as her vision faded to black, was Zisteau yelling frantically into a phone and Kurt trying to get her attention. One final thought crossed her mind as everything fell silent. _It was worth it._

_  
To anyone this may concern,_

_I've been living a lie for far too long. I've been trying to pretend to be okay for too long. No one knew this, except for recently, but no one knew how I was slowly breaking inside. Everyone saw the fake smile, but no one saw the tears. No one saw what my life was truly like. No one saw the bruises and scars under my clothes. They only saw the scars on my wrists, but no one said anything. No one tried to help. I was all alone in this hell they call life._

_I spent the first few months after my parents death hating life. I hated everything then. It was all darkness and no light. It didn't help that my first foster family was abusive. The dad slapped me and beat me while the mom stood by and did nothing. Every foster parent since then was like that. They all hated me, they all beat me, they all helped break me down until I had nothing left. Then my last foster family, it went well at first, sure the house wasn't the nicest, but it was something. I quickly found out that they were both drug addicts and both drank. They both hated my guts and wouldn't let me have any freedoms. The dad, he was abusive. He beat me and yelled at me and made me fend for myself. This continued for a year. That's when it all went south. He raped me. He took Advantage of me and there was absolutely nothing I could do. That's when it all really started with the cutting. It helped me get through the day. It helped me forget all he terrible things that had ever happened. That's also when I almost killed myself. I had been so broken then, not like I'm not now, but it was all too much, but I backed out at the last moment._

_Then they finally found out about everything and I was pulled from that house and brought here, to Chicago. Zisteau and Kurt had been so nice right from the get go. They treated me like a real person. They were so nice. I had briefly thought that it would be okay. I had some struggles, but then I meet MC. My best friend. He helped me through so much shit. I was so glad to have him in my life. He was one of the only things to bring me joy anymore._

_Then Max came along. I had always imagined what my perfect boyfriend would be like. And that was Max. MC had warned me about him, but I didn't listen. It was probably the dumbest thing I'd ever done. I had finally let my guard down and had started trusting people again. But that was my problem. I trusted Max and he took that trust and crushed it. He raped me. During that whole time, all I could see was my last foster dad, all I could feel was the pain of myself being used in such a terrible terrible way._

_That's what really pushed me over the edge. I did try. I tried so hard to stay strong. But I couldn't do it. I tried to listen to Everyone, especially MC, but I couldn't. All the nightmares and small reminders of my past brought everything crumbling down. I tried MC. I really, really did. I know you tried to help, but I'm too far gone to be saved, I have been for a long time. There's nothing left for me in this world. There's no reason for me to keep trying to stay strong when I have nothing left to live for._

_Thank you for everything Kurt and Zisteau. You were actually starting to feel like a family to me. You made me feel loved and wanted which is something I haven't felt in far too long. If it hadn't of been for you guys, I'm positive I wouldn't be writing this and I'd have already been dead._

_Stay strong MC. Do the one thing I couldn't. Don't give up hope. There should always be some in you, for you are an amazing person and you have changed my life. Don't be too sad because of me, I want you to be happy, I want you to live your life happily, unlike me. Just please, please promise me you'll be strong and have hope. I can't stand the thought of you being devastated by this. Always remember MC, you changed my life for the better. You were a light in my dark world. You are an amazing, amazing person, don't ever loose that MC._

_I love you all so much, you were family to me, and I can't say that I won't miss you, because I will. But this is the only way I can see that will help me, that will take me from this hell. Always stay strong, stay strong for me. This is goodbye, I will always remember you._

_~Dezeray Marie Hunter_


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes things aren't always as they seem, but maybe, just maybe, that means it'll all be ok

Light, that's what Dezeray saw, it was bright and hurt her head. There shouldn't be pain, should there, she questioned. She felt weak, tired. She chanced opening her eyes all the way, which allowed more light in. It was too bright. She blinked a few times, trying to let her vision fully focus. She saw a white tiled ceiling. A hospital. She was supposed to be dead, not in a fucken hospital. Just her luck. 

There was the soft beeping of a heart monitor, and a muffled conversation outside of the room. Even life didn't want her to be dead. She glanced around the room, it was a typical hospital room, white walls, white tiled ceilings, white tiled floors. There was a window, which allowed some natural light, though the sun was barely just rising. 

It was so early, she could tell. No wonder it was so quiet. It was peaceful, in a weird way. Though, she could feel the sadness and tension that hung in the air. She didn't know how long she'd been out, but it felt like at least two days. Two days that everyone was worried and scared for her life, when all she wanted was for that life to end. She wanted the opposite of everyone else.

"D-Dez?" Came a quiet, shaky, tired sounding voice.

Dezeray glanced towards the door, seeing Kurt standing there, red streaks from where tears had been, and more welling up in his eyes. 

"Kurt...." Dezeray said weakly. 

Kurt rushed over and hugged Dezeray tightly. "We... we thought you were dead! We thought you wouldn't make it!" He says frantically. "Why?" He added, though it was barely a whisper.

"....I.... I...." Dezeray tried, before breaking into sobs.

Kurt just hugged her closer as she cried. Not long after there was another presence, hugging her as well. It was Zisteau, who also had a tear streaked face and looked just as, if not more, tired than Kurt. 

"Dezeray.... why didn't you talk to us? Why didn't you tell us what was going on?" Zisteau asked sadly, after they had both pulled back and sat next to each other on the bed, facing Dezeray.

"I... I couldn't take it anymore.... you guys wouldn't understand...." 

"We would understand Dezeray. We've both been through a lot." 

"Not like I have...." Dezeray says quietly.

"No, maybe not, but we can help Dez, or at least try." 

Dezeray just looked down at her hands sadly; seeing the bandages didn't help her mood any at all. She didn't understand why she couldn't just leave this damn world. It obviously treated her terribly, yet fate would have it that she couldn't leave. No matter how many times she tried, something always stopped her. She could never figure out what. She had nothing left to live for. Nothing left that she cared about. Was this a punishment for something? But for what, she hadn't a clue.

"Hey Dez.... MC's here... he wants to see you." Kurt says.

"Okay..."

"Do you want us to leave?" 

Dezeray shrugs. "I guess." 

Zisteau and Kurt leave the room hand and hand, Dezeray notices the gentle squeeze of the hands, almost like a reassurance. Then MC's there. He looks worse than Zisteau and Kurt combined. His face is red and puffy and his eyes have dark circles under them, almost like he hadn't slept for days. He looked so hesitant to approach her. But then again he looked so worried and in tears. 

"MC...." Dezeray says, trying so hard not to cry.

MC slowly approaches her, sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked so broken down and tired. 

"I'm sorry MC...." 

"Dez." MC starts, his voice quiet and hoarse. "There's no reason to be sorry."

"But.... you.... I've hurt you so much...." Dezeray says, breaking into tears.

"No Dez, really, I'm fine." 

"No you're not MC. Don't even try to lie to me." 

"Fine, I'm not okay!" MC half shouts, which honestly hurt Dezeray. 

"I...." 

"I'm so sorry Dez.... I've just been so worried about you.... I haven't been able to sleep for days." MC says, tears streaming down his face and sadness in his eyes. "When they found you, you were basically dead and.... and they weren't sure you were gonna make it.... then they found the note..... and.... I read it.... and I.... I don't want to loose you Dezeray!" MC bawls, unable to hold back anything. "You mean everything to me! I'd die without you......" 

"MC.... I'm.... I'm so sorry..... I don't like seeing you like this....." 

MC hugs Dezeray tightly, never wanting to let go. "Just promise me you'll never do that again." MC whispers. 

Dezeray hugs MC back just as tightly. He was her anchor, the thing that kept her from leaving this world. He was her light. He was the joy in her world. He was her hope. He was her guide when she lost sight. He was her shoulder to cry on. He was everything to her. She didn't want to loose him either. He meant far too much to her. 

She couldn't loose anyone else, she'd already lost far too many people. And, it all started with her parents. It all started with a person stupid enough to go out drinking then try to drive home. It all started when she lived and they died that night. It all started when she found out she had no one left. Nothing left. But maybe MC was that something. The thing that kept her here. The thing that she needed in her life. 

"I promise." Dezeray whispered back, burying her face in MC chest, never wanting to leave.

"Dezeray....." MC says nervously.

"Hmm...?" Dezeray says quietly, not moving away from him. 

"I.... I love you...." 

Dezeray moved away from MC then, staring into his teary blue eyes. She knew he wasn't lying, she could just tell. But that scared her. Made images flash through her mind. Her eyes grew wide with fear as she saw Max, her last foster dad. Then MC is what she saw. 

"I.... MC....." Was all Dezeray could manage to say as fear coursed through her. 

That word. Love. That's why MC cared ever so much about her. That's why he never left her side. That's why he was always there to support her. Maybe that's what it was she felt towards MC. Love. He was all she'd ever need, yet it scared her so much. She didn't want what happened with Max to happen again. But, she knew MC was very, very different from Max, but she couldn't shake that thought.

"I'm sorry Dezeray..... I just..... I just couldn't hide it anymore..... you're amazing and beautiful and oh so strong, way stronger than you think.... and I-I love you." MC says, tears slowly falling down his face.

"I just.... I don't know MC..... I.... I love you too but.... I can't do another relationship..... not yet..... I can't stand the thought of what happened with Max.... happening again....." 

"But it won't Dez! I would never, ever hurt you Dezeray, you mean so, so much to me. I couldn't even imagine so much as hurting you." 

"I just..... I just don't know MC...."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe everything will be okay?

Dezeray glanced up from her bandaged wrists as she heard the door open. Zisteau walked in and smiled at her, though she could tell it was forced. 

"Hey Dez.... we need to talk." Were Zisteau's words, and that worried her. 

"Okay...."

He moved over and sat on the edge of the hospital bed. "The child care agency has contacted us and they say it may be best for you to be moved to a new family." 

"What?" Dezeray asks confused, her stomach tying itself in knots. 

"They think you'll be better off somewhere else. But they said its up to you." 

"They.... want to move me again?" 

"Yeah, but they told me that it's all up to you. If you feel uncomfortable here, then they'll move you. They've also requested that we get you into counseling." 

"Do you want me to leave?" Dezeray asks sadly. 

"Of course not! I'd never want you to leave, but it's your choice, don't let me or Kurt change your decision." 

Dezeray was quiet for a minute, thoughts racing through her head. Did she really want to leave? Of course there was the terrible things that had happened here with Max. But MC was here and so was Kurt and Zisteau, her family, or who she called family. There was so much left for her here. 

"I don't want to leave you guys.... you're like family..." 

"You're positive?" 

"Yes. I don't want to leave." 

"Okay." Zisteau says with a hesitant smile. "But you'll have to have counseling and get some anti-depression medication." 

"Counseling?" 

"Yeah, I know that's the last thing you want, but it's only for two sessions, that's all they said they would require." 

"Okay." Dezeray says, briefly glancing to the couch, where MC had fallen asleep. "When can I leave here?" 

"Doctor said tomorrow, if you're feeling okay."

"Alright. Thank you dad." 

"Thanks for what?" 

"Not giving up on me, like every other foster parents I've had." 

"I won't ever give up on you Dez, cause I see your potential, I see through the scars and the fake smiles. You have so much ahead of you, so much good, I can just tell." 

Dezeray couldn't help the smile tugging at her lips and the tears that welled up in her eyes. "Thank you." she said, though her voice was basically inaudible. 

Zisteau smiled kindly, offering Dezeray a hug. She accepted and hugged him tightly, very glad to have him in her life and have her back. He had so much faith in her, even when she had none left. 

"Zisteau... I need some advice..." Dezeray says a little later. 

"On what?" 

"Well... MC told me he loves me...." 

"Aww that's so cute!" 

Dezeray blushes, but becomes really serious. "I-I love him too dad.... but-but I don't know how to handle this.... just the thought of being with someone makes me scared..... I don't want what happened with Max to happen again." 

"Oh.... You gotta realize Dez, MC is way different than Max." 

"I know...." 

"I'm just gonna tell you this, Dezeray, it's your choice, but there's a boy sleeping over there who didn't sleep for two days because he was too worried, and he cried and cried and refused to leave your side. He cares so much about you Dez, I just want you to realize that. He's sweet and kind and wants nothing more than the best for you, which means if you don't want a relationship, then he will nurse his heartache to stay your friend. Just think it through, but just remember, he's not Max." 

Dezeray glanced back over to the couch, seeing MC still sound asleep, his longish brown hair sticking up, making him look adorable. He looked so much younger, not that he didn't already look young, while asleep, so innocent and adorable looking. "Yeah... he's definitely not." 

Zisteau sends her a small smile. "Why don't you get some rest, Kurt and I will be back first thing tomorrow. You should try to convince MC to go home and sleep, the poor thing can't be comfortable at all." 

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow." 

Zisteau heads out with a wave. She hears a muffled conversation after the door closed. It wasn't quite late enough to sleep, and she wasn't all that tired, but she didn't know what to do, really. She actually didn't feel that sad. She didn't feel that constant pain on her heart, it felt like just a small pang. 

Maybe she was turning over a new leaf. Maybe this was gonna be the one time she could truly be happy. Maybe all she needed was right in front of her, the adorable boy fast asleep on the couch. He was right there, and willing to give her everything, maybe she just needed to trust herself to make the right decision; to trust him. A knock sounded on the door, breaking Dezeray from her thoughts. A nurse entered, smiling kindly at Dezeray. 

"Hi Dezeray, how are you feeling?" 

"I'm feeling fine." 

"That's good! Is he okay?"

"I think so, he's just kinda tired, after everything's that's happened in all." 

"Yeah." 

"Can you get me a piece of paper and a pencil?" Dezeray asks.

"Of course! I'll be back soon!" 

She came back shortly, a pad of paper and a pencil in hand. "I hope this works! I'll have to change your bandages real quick." 

"Okay."

The nurse changes the bandages, and for a moment, she could see the terrible cuts that ran across her wrists, but she looked away, not wanting to see it anymore. After the nurse left, Dezeray grabbed the paper and started drawing. Eventually, after an hour or so of drawing, she set it on the bedside table and curled up in the blankets, getting comfortable and quickly falling asleep. 

 

MC awoke to the sun shining brightly through the window. He saw Dezeray sleeping peacefully on the bed, her beautiful auburn hair shining as the sunlight hit it. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful. She didn't look stressed at all, she looked whole, young, okay. She looked like she was finally okay, though he knew that she was still hurting. 

He got up, stretching a kink out of his neck. He walked over towards Dezeray and picked up a pad of paper, a big smile forming on his face as he saw the drawing. It was of him asleep on the couch, a peaceful look on his face. It was beautifully drawn and just all around amazing. And, it wasn't sad, or depressing. He could tell she had been at least a little happy while drawing it. 

He smiled as he turned his attention to the peacefully sleeping girl. He brushed some hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. He placed a kiss on her head. He saw a small smile tug at her lips, but she didn't wake. He couldn't keep the smile off of his face as he left the room, finally feeling like he could go home, that she might just be okay for once.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe something simple can lead to a realization

Dezeray pulled on a long sleeve shirt, despite it being warm out. She fixed her hair and headed out into the kitchen and took a seat at the table, watching as Kurt makes breakfast and Zisteau makes coffee. 

"Are you sure it's smart to go back to school already?" Zisteau questions as he sits in a chair, placing three coffee cups on the table. 

"I have to get caught up or I won't get the credits for the classes." Dezeray responds, taking a drink from her cup. 

"I know you do, but I mean, are you feeling okay enough to?"

"I'm feeling fine dad. I honestly haven't felt this good in a long time." 

"Alright, but just call if you need picked up." 

"I will, don't worry." 

After they ate breakfast, Kurt and Dezeray headed out to the garage and got in the car, ready for their drive. 

"I heard about MC." Kurt says, glancing sidelong at Dezeray.

"Dad told you?" 

"Yeah, I think it's adorable, to be honest."

"I just don't know what to do about it though."

"Dez, if you really do like him, give him a chance." 

"Yeah, maybe." 

"Just be positive Dezzy, and enjoy your day." Kurt says as he pulls up to the curb outside of the school. 

"Alright, thanks dad." 

Dezeray gets out and heads in to the school, ignoring all the stares as she made her way to class. She noticed a distinct lack of Max, which she was very okay with. She honestly wasn't sure what she'd do if she saw him again. She'd probable break down and cry and go home and never leave her room again. She sat her stuff down and went up to the teachers desk, pushing all those thoughts aside.

"Excuse me miss, I need to know what I missed." Dezeray says politely. 

"Ah Dezeray! It's great to see you back! How are you?" 

"I'm doing fine." 

"That's great. MC is gonna help you get caught up with all of your classes, and don't stress too much, you'll get caught up quickly, I'm positive of it." 

"Thank you." Dezeray says before heading back to her seat, but before she could sit down, MC comes into the classroom, a huge smile appeared on his face as he saw her. 

"Dezzy! I didn't except you back yet!" MC says cheerily.

"Yeah, I'm feeling okay enough to be here." 

"That's great! I just knew you'd be ok." He says cheerily, though she could see that he was worried.

"MC." Dezeray starts, locking gazes with him. "Don't pretend for me, I know you're worried."

MC sighs, the fake smile falling into a frown. "I'm just worried about you." 

"I know MC, and I'm so sorry." 

"There's no reason to be sorry Dez." MC says with a small smile. "I just can't stop worrying about you. I care too much to." MC finishes, brushing hair out of her face. 

Dezeray felt a pang in her heart as MC's fingers brushed against her temple. "No, I have every reason to be sorry." Dezeray starts, but gets cut off by the bell ringing. 

"We'll talk after school, okay?"

Dezeray nods, sitting in her seat as the teacher started instructing. MC helped her along through the whole class, even though there was a slight tension that hung in the air. There was so much left unsaid, even when the words needed to be spoken and given to the other. There was so much left for the two to discuss, to finally let emotions be expressed. 

It wasn't until third hour rolled around that Dezeray felt like she finally could get a break. Drawing, one of her favorite classes. The teacher had already gave her a pass on the project she'd missed, which she was thankful for. She sat with her earbuds in, the drawing of MC sitting in front of her. She grabbed her colored pencils, which Zisteau had given her, and started filling in the white spots, bringing color to the colorless page. She colored in his beautiful brown hair and his lips, which where a pale, red-ish color. He was honestly so beautiful, she found, staring at the drawing. She loved the way his hair fell; never quite perfectly. And the way his blue eyes shined with cheeriness. 

"Dezeray. Wow, this is beautiful." The teacher says, catching Dezeray's attention. 

She pulled out her earbuds, and looked to the teacher. "Thanks." 

"It really captures the essence of innocence and peacefulness of sleep."

She hadn't thought of it like that, all it really was, was the cute boy who happened to be her best friend. But, maybe that was true, sleep showed innocence and peace. MC had plenty of innocence left. She briefly wondered what was left of hers, but quickly dismissed the thought, already knowing the answer. 

"Yeah, it does." She agrees. 

"Great work on this, really. Could I enter it in an art show?" 

"Uh.... sure, I guess." Dezeray says.

"Great! I'm confident this will win a prize." 

Dezeray smiled as she took one last look at the drawing. She handed it over to the teacher who smiled and walked off. Sometimes she didn't see the beauty in her work, but others did. Maybe that's what's it's like with MC. She doesn't see her own beauty, but he does. 

She didn't happen to see MC at all during the rest of school. She didn't even see him as she made her way out to Zisteau's car. 

"Hey Dez, how was a school?" Zisteau asked the distracted girl.

"It was okay."

"What's up, you seem distracted." 

"I feel really bad.... MC is so worried about me." 

"That's just who he is Dez, he'll probably always worry about you, as sad as that sounds." 

"I know." 

Dezeray grabbed her phone as it rang in her pocket. 

MC: sorry I didn't see you, had to stay late. Can I come over? We need to talk.

Dez: Yeah, you can.

"MC's coming over." Dezeray said, glancing at Zisteau as they pulled in to the driveway.

"Okay, do you want some pizza for dinner then?" 

"Sure." 

"I'll order some, pineapple and ham, right?" 

A smile tugs at Dezeray's lips. "Yeah."

"Still don't get how you like that, it sounds disgusting." 

"It's really good, you should try some." 

"I think I'll pass." Zisteau says with a goofy smile.

Dezeray gets out and heads into the house, throwing her bag on the couch. "I'll be in the art studio, can you send MC there when he gets here?" 

"Yeah." Zisteau replies. 

She head in and picks up a new canvas and sets it on an easel. She grabs a paint brush and some paint and starts painting; letting colors fill the blank canvas. She painted a sunset over the ocean, the reds, blues, oranges, pinks, and purples of the sunset all mixed and blended, creating something absolutely gorgeous. She tugged at her sleeves, trying to keep them from getting paint on them, but she ended up just pulling off the shirt and tossing it aside, leaving her in a form fitting white tank top. She ignored the bandages on her wrist and continued painting, occasionally smudging certain areas to mix colors. 

"Hey Dezzy." Came a soothing voice from the doorway. 

"Hey MC." Dezeray replied, glancing up from her painting briefly. 

"Whatcha working on?" 

Dezeray motioned for him to come over and see. "Trying to use small elements to create a bigger picture. Each color mixes and blends, creating the sky and the shimmer of color on the waves." 

"It's really good." 

Dezeray just shrugs. "Its just another painting." 

"Can we talk?" MC asks, changing the subject suddenly. 

"Yeah, pull up a stool." 

MC does and sits, staring at Dezeray. "You were gonna say something this morning, what was it?"

"That I'm sorry." 

"Dezeray, there is no reason to be sorry, and you know that." 

"But there is MC. I'm just this pathetic broken girl who just happened to wander into your life and you've done nothing but worry about me since I first met you." 

"Don't say that about yourself Dezeray! You are not pathetic. You may not be perfect, but pathetic and broken is not words you should use to describe yourself." 

"How would you describe me then?" 

"Beautiful, creative, amazing, sweet, brave, strong. And doesn't even scrape the surface." 

"I'm none of those things." 

"Look at the painting Dezeray." MC says gently. "You see how all the colors mix and combine together to make a beautiful bigger picture?" 

"Yeah..." 

"That's exactly like you. Different colors that all mix to make who you are, the beautiful bigger picture."

"I don't get how you see that." 

"Because I don't see the tears and the scars and the years of pain. I see what's inside. I see the beautiful, creative, smart, strong girl who has been burdened with a lot, but she's still there Dezeray, you are."

Dezeray stares at MC incredulously. She didn't understand how he could see past any of that, all she was is a mess of a person. 

"I know you can't see it Dezeray, but everyone else can, especially me." 

Dezeray sighs, staring at her painting again, instead of MC. She saw all the colors, blending to make a beautiful picture. MC tried telling her that it was exactly like her, but she didn't understand. She thought back to all her other drawings and paintings. When she first started drawing, it had been simple, but still complex, and happy. Then it turned dark and dreary, with the occasional kinda happy one. Maybe MC was right. Each drawing added up to create who she was. 

"Dezeray..... I didn't just want to discuss this.... I just want to know how you really feel. I don't care what you're going to say, I just wanna know." 

Dezeray sighs, feeling like a war was raging on, her heart wanted one thing, but her brain was yelling at her, telling her something else. But, she did realize, MC wasn't Max. 

"MC.... I-I love you..... but can we take this slow?" 

MC's eyes shine with excitement and joy. "Of course!" 

A smile tugged at Dezeray's lips as MC hugged her tightly, lifting her off of the stool she had been sitting on, and spinning her around, laughing, a real laugh, one she hadn't heard in a while, and pure joy on his face. 

Dezeray giggled and was sat down, unable to help the fluttery feeling in her heart and the pure joy on MC's face made her feel all the more light. MC nuzzled his nose against hers, blue eyes meeting blue-green. Their foreheads rested against each others. That's when lips brushed against lips, before a real kiss, one that felt like the most magical thing in the world, as eyes fluttered shut and hands wrapped around hips and fingers tangled lightly in brown hair.

"Awww! Look at you two!" Came a cheery, joking voice. 

Dezeray jumped back, having her mind being snapped back to reality. But she giggled as she saw Kurt leaning against the door frame, smirking slightly. 

"Pizza's here if you two lovebirds would like to eat." Kurt says, pushing off the door frame and turning on his heal; walking back down the hallway.

Dezeray laughed, but stepped back and grabbed MC's hand, noticing how incredibly soft it was. "I hope you like pineapple and ham."

"I love pineapple and ham." MC says with a laugh. 

Dezeray giggles. "That's a first." 

MC squeezes Dezeray's hand, sending her a bright smile that actually portrayed happiness. Dezeray smiled back, a real smile, the first real smile in a long, long time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She is finally happy, really happy, but is that happiness here to stay?

Dezeray and MC entered the house hand in hand. They had been out walking Eva when it started storming, thunder rumbled in the distance, lightning flashed brightly, and the wind howled. Poor Eva was terrified. 

"We're back!" Dezeray called out as she unclipped Eva's leash, letting her run off into the living room. 

"Dezzy, come here." Zisteau said, his voice coming from the other end of the house. 

MC sent her a questioning look. She shrugged and dropped his hand, walking towards Zisteau's voice. She ended up finding him in the art studio. 

"What's up?" She questioned.

"Did you paint this?" He questions, holding up a canvas.

"Uh yeah... why?" Dezeray asks, staring at the sunset confused. 

"It's amazing. How do you even manage to get the colors to blend so well?" 

Dezeray laughed. "Its a little trick my mom taught me. You use two paint colors, acrylic paint, and then use a white gloss to blend." 

"That's really awesome." 

"Yeah, is that all you needed?" 

"Yup." 

She heads back to the living room, seeing MC relaxed on the couch and Kurt sitting on a window seat, staring outside sadly. She sits beside MC, sending him a smile, but turning her attention to Kurt. 

"You okay there?" She asks with a laugh.

"There's supposed to be a transition tonight and now I won't be able to see it." Kurt replies with a pout.

"A transition?" 

"Yeah, it's hard to explain." 

"Okay then." 

"How was your walk?" Kurt asks, changing the subject randomly.

"It was nice, till it started raining at least." 

"That's good." 

"Yeah." 

MC kissed Dezeray's head, brushing hair out of her face. Dezeray sent MC a happy smile and snuggled into his side, laying her head on his chest. 

"You guys are adorable." Zisteau says, entering the room. 

Dezeray blushes, throwing him a half hearted glare. "I could say the same about you and dad." 

Kurt blushes as Zisteau moves to sit on his lap instead of in the empty spot beside him. "I'd have to agree, there's no one cuter than this cutie." 

"Z!" Kurt says, growing flustered, causing Everyone else to laugh. 

"You know I love you." Zisteau says playfully. 

"Sadly." Kurt says with a smirk.

"So mean." 

Kurt chuckles. "Love ya too." 

They smile at each other before sharing a kiss. 

"They are too cute." Dezeray whispers to MC. 

MC chuckles, nodding. "They are." 

For once, life seemed normal, well as normal as it can get for Dezeray. She was happy. Truly happy. Her and MC and been together for almost a month now. She was so glad that she finally put her trust into the right person. She was glad that MC loved her. She was glad to have someone so amazing by her side. She still had bad days, where all she could do was cry and try to face the day, but those were so few now. She has more good days than bad, and MC has definitely helped with that. He makes everything brighter, happier. He makes life more enjoyable. 

"I'm gonna go make dinner, you staying MC?" Kurt questions, lightly pushing Zisteau off of his lap so he could get up. 

"Yeah, I probably will." MC replies. 

Kurt heads into the kitchen, Zisteau trailing behind. 

"Z! Knock it off!" Comes Kurt's voice from the kitchen around giggles. 

"Are they always like this?" MC questions with a laugh. 

"Yep." Dezeray replies with a smile, glancing up into MC's bright blue eyes, suddenly getting lost in them. 

Her eyes fluttered shut as they both leaned in, lips met lips and they shared a kiss. It was slow, sweet, magical. The kiss deepened as she tangled her fingers in his, already messy, brown hair. This was so magical, she found, nothing like with Max, nothing at all. MC didn't just want her for her body, he wanted her for her and loved her even, unlike Max. In moments like this, it was just them in the world. No one else, just them. No one to annoy them, to be mean. It was just them, both in a place of bliss, happiness, love. It was something magical indeed. Dezeray pulled away and rested their foreheads together, unable to keep the smile off of her face. 

"I love you." She breathed out, her voice barely a whisper.

"I love you too, Dezzy, always." 

She smiled lovingly at MC, pure joy the only thing she felt. She was happy. Happiness was a thing she hasn't actually felt in so long, too long even. Sometimes she felt like this was all a dream, like she'd wake up and be back at her last foster parents house. She knew it wasn't though. It all felt too real to be. Though the thought did pop up occasionally, but she pushed it aside, trying to be happier, trying to be the real her; the one that's locked inside.

She felt like she had come so far since the day she almost killed herself. She knew she wasn't the same girl as she was then. She was more like herself now. She was more like who she used to be, happy, creative, smart, strong, so hopeful. She felt like she could actually live now; like things were exactly how they were supposed to be.

"Dinner!" Kurt called, causing Dezeray to be pulled from her thoughts. 

She smiled and gave MC a quick kiss before standing up and heading to the kitchen, MC not far behind. They sat down at the table as Zisteau brought plates to the table. Dezeray couldn't help but notice Kurt's hair messier than usual and the slight bruise that was just barely visible under his shirt. Zisteau and Kurt both sat down. Kurt poured to glasses of scotch, handing one to Zisteau, who accepted it with a smile and a wink, which caused Kurt to blush. 

"I forgot to tell you guys." Dezeray starts, a little while into dinner. "One of my drawings is going to an art competition this weekend." 

"That's awesome! Which one?" Zisteau questions, obviously very interested.

"The one I drew of MC while I was in the hospital." 

"Oh, that one?" MC questioned.

"Yeah."

"I loved that one."

"Same." Dezeray says, a blush coloring her cheeks. 

"How do you think it'll go?" Zisteau asks. 

"I dunno, hopefully well. I'll find out Monday how it did." 

"Awesome." 

The rest of dinner went smoothly, with a bunch of teasing from Zisteau, like always. Afterwords, they all went into the living room to watch a movie. Dezeray curled up against MC's side and MC wrapped an arm around her shoulder and laid his head on hers. She loved him and that's all there really was to it. After the movie, it was almost ten, so MC had to leave, though Dezeray really didn't want him to. She wanted him to be by her side always. 

"MC, there's a flash flood warning, you probably shouldn't be out driving." Kurt says.

"Oh.... can I stay here then?" 

"Of course! But no funny business." Zisteau says with a wink. 

"Dad!" Dezeray says, a deep blush coloring her cheeks. 

"Hey! It's not like I don't know what goes on." 

"Of course you do." Kurt deadpans.

All Dezeray could do was laugh as Zisteau winked at Kurt. "Oh, you know it." 

Everyone dissolved into laughter. It was so joyful, happy. This is what a real home was like. Her real home. And she loved it. She was actually starting to love life. She loved being able to wake up to the thought that she'd get to see MC and she'd get to spend time with her dads. 

"Well we're going to head to bed, goodnight dads." Dezeray says after her giggling had ceased.

"Alright, goodnight guys." Zisteau responds with a smile. 

Dezeray rolls her eyes and gets up, grabbing MC's hand. They walk together in silence as they approach Dezeray's room. This was the first time MC would be staying over, which was only a slightly scary thought, but getting to spend more time with MC made that thought basically disappear. 

She headed into her closet and grabbed a tank top and shorts to sleep in, as it was far too warm for anything else. She went back into her room, but stopped in awe as she saw MC sitting shirtless on the bed. He had surprisingly toned muscles. She blushed and looked away. MC laughed, sending her a smile. 

"I uh.... I'm gonna go change...." Dezeray says, unable to keep her eyes off of MC. 

MC chuckles. "You do that." 

Dezeray turns and heads to the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind her. She strips down and changes. The tank top was light blue and skin tight, it liked to ride up, showing off some of her stomach. She pulled on the shorts, which were honestly too short, but she didn't care. She brushed her teeth and ran a brush through her long auburn hair. 

She headed back into the room and it was MC's turn to stare as his cheeks heated up. Dezeray smiled and made her way to the bed, where she sat beside MC. Though it wasn't long before MC's hands were on her hips and her lips were against his. Her hands wandered his bare chest as they kissed passionately. Earlier it has been slow and sweet, but now, now there was nothing holding the two back.

All Dezeray wanted was MC. She'd always want him. MC pulled her tank top off of her, letting it fall to the ground. He gently pushed her down onto the bed, trailing kisses down her thin body. She gasped as he sucked a small bruise into the pale skin of collarbone. She tangled her fingers in his hair, gently leading his lips back to hers, initiating a heated kiss, that left them both breathless, but unwilling to be away from the other, both wanting so much more. 

MC grabs the elastic waist band of her shorts, gently tugging them out of the way. He kissed the inner part of her thigh, causing her to moan; wanting nothing more than for him to continue. As MC's blue eyes met hers, she saw an image she never wanted to see again. Her mind brought up Max, and the way his eyes shined with lust. She shot backwards, scrambling away from him, ending up with her back against the headboard as she shook and tears welled up. 

"D-Dez?" MC asks, his voice wavering. 

Dezeray stared at MC, eyes wide with fear. "I-I.... I-I...." Was all she could manage.

"Did-did I go too far?" 

Dezeray shakes her head. "No.... I just.... all I could see was Max... and... and...." Dezeray says, bursting into tears. 

"I'm sorry Dezzy. I'm so sorry... I-I didn't even consider that.... I'm sorry." MC says, staying away from Dezeray, almost too scared to touch her. 

"MC.. it's-it's ok... I-I wanted this... I just.... I don't think I can handle it yet...." 

"I'm sorry." 

"No, don't be sorry MC.... I wanted this. I wanted you. Just don't be sorry." Dezeray says, pulling MC close, resting her head on his chest as he strokes her hair. 

"Can... can we just go to bed now?" Dezeray asks, trying to forget the image of Max. 

"Yeah... that's probably smart." 

They curl up against each other, cuddling under the fluffy purple blanket. Dezeray knew MC wasn't Max, but sometimes it just seems like he can't ever leave her mind.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somethings are truly bittersweet

Dezeray awoke to soft snoring and strong arms wrapped around her. She took a deep breath, taking in MC's intoxicating smell and resting her head on his bare chest, listening to his heart beating rhythmically. She remembered last night, and just how badly she had wanted that, but she also remembered how she just couldn't handle it because of what happened with Max. She felt MC stir beside her, his blue eyes almost instantly meeting her blue-green. 

"Good morning." She says around a yawn. 

"How'd you sleep?" MC asks, bitting his bottom lip. 

"I slept well." She says with a smile, which quickly fell to a frown. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing Dezzy." MC says, giving her a smile that she could tell was fake. 

She slowly disentangled herself from MC and stood up, stretching. MC's eyes were trained on her, unable to look away. She sent him a smile and grabbed her clothes, pulling them back on. She tossed MC his shirt and sat back down on the bed, looking at him intently. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't know what. 

"You wanna go eat?" She questioned once MC was dressed. 

"Sure." MC replied. 

They started leaving the room and Dezeray just couldn't not question him. "MC... what's wrong, really?"

"I'm just.... I'm sorry about last night." MC says sadly. 

"Woah, woah, what's going on?" Zisteau asks, getting slightly defensive. 

"Nothing happened dad, I promise." Dezeray says. 

Zisteau gives her a look, but continues down the hall. 

"It wasn't your fault MC and you know that."

"I know.... but I just feel like I'm moving to fast for you and I'm pressuring you into something you're not ready for."

"MC, listen to me." Dezeray says sternly. "I love you, so much, and I wanted that, there's no denying it. You're not moving too fast MC, this is just something I have to get over." 

MC lets out a deep sigh. "I love you too." 

She moves to hug him, holding him close and resting her head in the crook of his neck. 

"I love you so, so much Dezzy." MC says, kissing her head. 

"I love you too MC, I always will." She murmurs, never wanting to let go. 

After a long while, they finally move away from each other, sharing a small smile. They both head into the kitchen, where Kurt and Zisteau are kissing, while Kurt was attempting to cook. They took a seat at the table, awaiting the two others to join them, which they eventually did. 

"You have your first counseling session today Dez." Zisteau says, glancing at her.

"Alright." Dezeray responds. 

"It's right before lunch, so I was figuring we'd go there then go out to lunch." 

"Sounds good." 

"I actually have to get going Dez." MC says, glancing up from his phone. 

"I'll walk you to the door." Dezeray says, standing up. 

They reach the door and Dezeray wraps her arms around MC's neck. MC sends her a smile before pressing their lips together, kissing her gently. 

"I love you." Dezeray says after they pull away. 

"I love you too." MC responded. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

"Yeah." 

MC left with a wave. Dezeray made her way back to the kitchen, where she took a seat, getting a look from Zisteau. 

"What?" She asked, looking at Zisteau confused. 

"What was that about this morning?" 

"Oh.... that...." Dezeray says, glancing done at her lap, before her eyes met Zisteau's again. "Last night, we uh.... almost, you know..... and I couldn't do it because of what happened with Max.... and..... MC was blaming it on himself...." She finishes awkwardly.

"Oh..." Zisteau says, looking almost unsure of what to say. "Anyway.... why don't you go get around so we can head to counseling." 

"Okay." Dezeray says, getting up and heading into her room. 

She turned on the shower, letting it warm up before stripping down and stepping in. She almost instantly felt some tension from her shoulders release. She loved hot showers. After she was out and dried off, she pulled on a pair of jean shorts and a low cut white shirt. She brushed out her hair and pulled it back into a high ponytail. It was weird, seeing herself like this, she looked cheery and happy. 

She headed out into the living room and sat on the couch, pulling her legs up close to herself. People always say girls take longer to get around then guys, but here was proof that they were wrong, Dezeray pondered as she waited at least twenty minutes for them. They did eventually show though and they all headed out to the convertible and Kurt started driving. It was a nice summer day. It wasn't as hot as the west coast, but it was hot enough, especially for how early in summer it was.

They reached a small building, which looked oddly out of place among the skyscrapers. They got out and walked in. The reception area was small and had a few chairs and a desk. The three walked up to the desk, where a woman smiled cheerily at them. 

"How can I help you?" 

"We're here for Dezeray's appointment." Kurt replies. 

"Last name?" 

"Hunter."

"Take a seat and we'll be with you shortly." 

They all take a seat in the, very small, reception area. It was really quiet, which Dezeray didn't like, it was almost unnerving, if she was to be honest. This place gave her an eerie feeling, but she couldn't tell why. 

"Dezeray." She heard from a, not so cheery, sounding person. 

She took a deep breath and stood up, walking towards the woman standing in a doorway. Zisteau and Kurt followed behind. They were lead back to an office and they all went in, being greeted by a woman with dark brown hair, hazel eyes, a thin face, and a bright smile. 

"Hello, just take a seat and we shall begin." 

Dezeray sat in between Zisteau and Kurt, feeling overly uncomfortable with the situation. 

"Dezeray, it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Anne." The woman, Anne, says, holding out her hand. 

Dezeray shakes it. "It's nice to meet you too."

"And you must be her parents." 

"Yes, I'm Zisteau and this is Kurt." Zisteau says, also shaking her hand. 

"Alright, well Dezeray, I know this is gonna be a hard thing for you to do, but could you please describe what happened that night please." Anne says, her smile falling to a thin line and her tone becoming serious.

Dezeray takes a deep breath and looks down at her scar filled wrists, not wanting to meet Anne's gaze. "Max had been wanting to take me on a date, and I agreed, even though MC had warned me about him. We went out to dinner, and it was nice, we talked about living on the west coast and moving here. After dinner, it was still relatively early, so we decided to go to his house. His parents weren't home, which I thought nothing of at first." Dezeray stops for a second, taking a deep breath and willing the tears building up to go away. "Then he pushed me back onto the couch.... and I told him no..... but he didn't listen to me.... he tied my wrists together and...." Her voice trailed off as tears slowly fell down her cheeks.

"Thank you for telling me Dezeray, I know how hard it is." 

Dezeray wipes at her face, wanting the tears to be gone. She didn't want to cry anymore. She had done far too much of it in her life. 

"Who is MC?" Anne questions, getting Dezeray's attention again. 

"My boyfriend." 

"Boyfriend?" 

"Yeah.... we got together about a month ago." 

"And, he warned you about Max? How?" 

"He told me he wasn't the best person. That he only wanted me because I was just another pretty face..... and he was right. I was stupid not to listen to him." 

"You are not stupid Dezeray, don't ever say that. Sometimes people are just too blinded by what they want to see the truth." 

"I guess." Dezeray says sadly, biting her lip. 

"How are you coping now?" 

"I'm okay....I guess. Better than I have been at least." 

"Did something happen recently?" 

"MC and I.... we uh.... almost did something.... but I couldn't because it reminded me of Max.... and.... I saw that image of him and I couldn't do anything but break down and cry..." 

"I just have one other thing to discuss, then we can be done for today." 

Dezeray nodded, bitting her lip, not wanting to relive anymore moments. 

"Your parents, your real parents that is, can you tell me what happened?" 

Dezeray pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them, letting out a deep, shuddering breath. If talking about Max wasn't bad enough, now she had to talk about her parents death. She felt a hand on her back, rubbing it gently. This was so difficult, almost too difficult. 

"I was seven when they died." Dezeray starts, her voice muffled by her legs. "We were on our way home from a thanksgiving dinner and it was really late and storming. There was a drunk driver and he hit our car and it flipped. My head hit the window and I passed out..... but I woke up in a hospital a day or so later.... no one told me what had happened, they were all avoiding the question. But, the doctor eventually told me that they had both been killed during the accident. The drunk driver had lived with minor injuries, but he was sentenced to jail for life." She finishes, unmoving, not wanting anyone to see her tears. 

"Thank you for telling me Dezeray, we can be done with this for today, though Zisteau, Kurt, we have a few things to discuss." 

"Do you want me to leave?" Dezeray questions. 

"If you would." 

Dezeray nods and stands up, heading out to the hall, where she sunk to the ground, hugging her knees close to herself, and resting her head on her knees. She honestly hadn't known what to expect from today, but it had been a thousand times worse than she expected. She never, ever wanted to do that again. Living through it once was bad enough. 

 

"I know this has been tough on you guys, but I thank you for sticking with her and not giving up." Anne says, addressing Kurt and Zisteau after Dezeray had left. 

"Well, it's not like we were just gonna give up on her." Zisteau replies.

"True. Anyway, I think she has PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder." 

"How do you treat that?" Kurt questions. 

"Stuff like we did today, it's called exposure therapy. We have her recall those times and relive them through memories. It's one of the best and most effective cures." 

"Alright." Kurt says, sounding very unsure. 

"We also need to discuss the court case, have you told her about it yet?" 

"No, we didn't want her to be stressed out about it." Zisteau replies.

"Well, you should probably tell her soon, since she'll need to be questioned during it and she will have to see Max again, which could be good or bad." 

"Good or bad?" Kurt questions.

"Seeing him could either help her get over her PTSD, or it could trigger a relapse." 

"Oh...." 

"Lets just hope it helps her." 

"Yeah." 

"Alright, well that's all for today, I'll see you again in a few weeks." 

 

Dezeray glances up as she hears a door opening. She sees Zisteau and Kurt, who instantly looked at her, worry evident on their faces.

"You ready to go?" Zisteau asks gently.

Dezeray nods, and grabs the hand that was held out to her and pulls herself up. They walk out in silence. Dezeray just honestly wasn't sure what to do. She had felt like she had come so far, yet she felt like she was tumbling back into darkness at the same time.

"Anything you want for dinner?" Kurt asks, pulling out of the parking lot. 

Dezeray shrugs. "Whatever is fine." 

Kurt glances at her, a worried expression on his face, but he continues driving. They end up at a Mexican restaurant, which smelled amazing, Dezeray found. They headed in and got seated. It was quiet for the longest time, but eventually, Zisteau did speak up. 

"Dezeray, we need to tell you something." 

"What?" 

"You will have to attend, and be a part of the court case." 

Dezeray gulped. "The court case?" 

"About what happened with Max." 

"When?" 

"Two weeks." 

"Okay." Dezeray says, bitting her lip. 

"Hey, Dezzy, I was thinking we could pick up MC and go to the beach." Kurt says, obviously trying to brighten the mood. 

A smile tugs at Dezeray's lips. "That would great, actually." 

"Awesome, once were finished her we'll run home and get our stuff then pick MC up and head there." 

"Great." 

Maybe there was always a bright side to things. For even within the bad days, there was always good moments.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always joy in the darkest of times

Dezeray pulled on her light blue over shirt and headed out to the living room, where Kurt and Zisteau were waiting. They headed out to the convertible again. Dezeray got settled in the backseat, pulling out her phone. 

Dez: You wanna come to the beach? 

She sat her phone on her lap and pulled out her sun glasses, slipping them on. She pulled the hair tie out of her hair and her hair blew back in the wind. She glanced down at her phone as it went off. 

MC: I'd love to! Want me to meet you there?

Dez: No, we'll pick you up. 

MC: Alright, I love you.

Dez: I love you too.

They pulled up to MC's house after a little while and he approached the car with a smile. He climbed in beside Dezeray and gave her a smile. Dezeray leaned in and kissed him gently. It was quiet the rest of the way, though it wasn't awkward. They pulled up to the beach, which was barely outside of downtown, and the sun glistened off the water.

"You guys go ahead, Z and I will bring the chairs and stuff and get a spot." Kurt says as they all climb out of the car. 

"Okay." Dezeray says with a smile. 

She grabs MC's hand, twining their fingers together and walking towards the beach, their arms swinging slightly. It was peaceful, despite the kids running around screaming, people playing volleyball, the waves hitting the shore, and people talking while they laid in the sun. They reach the sand and she kicks off her sandals, picking them up, preferring to feel the hot sand on her feet.

"How'd counseling go?" MC asks, glancing over at Dezeray as they walk along the waters edge. 

"It was.... rough." Dezeray says, glancing out at the water, which never seemed to end.

"How so?" 

"Anne had me tell her about that night with Max and about the night my parents died." 

"Oh.... I'm sorry Dez." MC says, gently squeezing her hand. 

Dezeray sends him a small smile. "It's okay, it actually kinda helped."

"That's good." MC says, returning the smile. 

"You want to go put our stuff down so we can swim?" 

"Sure." 

The two head over to where Zisteau and Kurt are setting up the stuff. Dezeray puts her sandals down and pulls her over shirt off, exposing what her swimsuit didn't cover, which honestly was a lot. 

"We're gonna go swim." Dezeray says.

"Alright, but be back in a little bit, we brought stuff for dinner." 

"Alright." 

MC and Dezeray walk back towards the water, with MC unable to keep his eyes off of Dezeray. 

"You look amazing." MC says, his cheeks heating up ever so slightly. 

"Thanks." 

Dezeray had on a purple bikini, which had spaghetti straps and didn't cover all that much, but she had the body for it. They walked into the warm water, swimming as far out as they could. It was peaceful, as most people stayed closer to the shore. The water was warm and felt great on her skin. 

She splashed some water at MC, making his hair stick to his forehead. MC, in return splashed water back at her. She giggled, swimming closer to MC and wrapping her arms around his neck. She nuzzled their noses together, looking lovingly into MC's blue eyes. She pressed her lips to his, kissing him gently, letting her fingers tangle in his wet brown hair as MC's hands started exploring her bare stomach. The kiss deepened and grew more passionate, as the two floated in their own isolated little part of the lake.

Dezeray eventually pulled away, totally out of breath, though she never, ever wanted that moment to end. She rested her forehead against his, unable to keep her eyes from his. She caressed his cheek gently. 

"I love you." She murmured.

"I love you too." MC replied, his voice barely a whisper. 

They slowly swim back to shore, heading towards Kurt and Zisteau. Zisteau was relaxing in the sun and Kurt was cooking hotdogs on a mini grill. Kurt sends the two a smile and tosses them both a towel. 

"Dinner will be ready shortly." Kurt says. 

"Whatcha up to dad?" Dezeray questions, sitting beside Zisteau. 

Zisteau glances at Dezeray briefly. "Oh, you know, just watching that cutie cook." 

Dezeray laughs and moves to sit on MC's lap after he sits down. 

"What? Ground not comfortable enough?" MC asks with a chuckle, wrapping his arms around Dezeray. 

"Nope." Dezeray giggles, kissing MC's nose.

"Dinners ready!" Kurt says cheerily, passing out plates and grabbing a bottle of something, scotch, to be exact, out of the cooler.

Dezeray laughs. "You can't have a meal without that stuff, can you?" 

"Nope." Zisteau says, taking the bottle and opening it. He takes a long drink before handing it to Kurt, who does the same. 

"Too bad you're not old enough for this, cause it's really good." Kurt says. 

"Eh, I'm old enough." Dezeray says jokingly. 

"Eh, couldn't hurt." Kurt says, handing Dezeray the bottle. 

"You're serious?"

"Yup."

Dezeray shrugs and takes a sip, letting the alcohol roll across her tongue. "I like this."

Kurt laughs, taking the bottle back. "Well, that's all you get, can't have you addicted to this stuff just yet." 

They all relax in the sun, eating their dinner and chatting, laughing, and teasing. If anyone really paid attention and looked at them, they looked like a family, a real family. And, just like every other family, they had problems. they weren't perfect, but that's okay; being perfect isn't all that fun. 

They sat, talked, and relaxed for a long while, long enough that the sun had started its descent, casting beautiful colors over the lake, and almost every other person leaving the beach, making it seem deserted. Just like the picture she had painted. A beautiful, perfect moment, captured in paint and memory, for she'd surely never forget this moment, ever.

"The first time I went to the beach, or the first I can remember anyway, my parents and I left the house before the sun had risen, we were the first ones to get to the beach, and we watched the sun rise over the water, all sitting together on a blanket." Dezeray says with an innocent smile, staring lovingly at MC as the light faded and the moon began its ascent.

"That's cute. Maybe one day we could come and watch the sun rise together." MC responds, wrapping an arm around Dezeray's shoulder.

"I'd like that, a lot." 

Dezeray cuddled into MC's side, resting her head on his shoulder as they watched the final rays of light fall victim to the moons light.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the strength within you is not a big friery flame for everyone to see, it's just a tiny spark that whispers ever so softly "Keep going. You go this!"

Dezeray made her way to the kitchen, her hair a mess and a tired, concerned look on her face. She sat down at the table with a sigh. She wanted to be happy; to bask in the bliss from the day they went to the beach, happiness and, what felt like for the first time, freedom. But, a thought nagged her mind, made her unable to sleep as she tossed and turned and different scenarios played through her mind. 

"You okay Dez?" Kurt asks, his voice laced with worry. 

"I'm just worried about today...." Dezeray replied quietly, looking at her scared wrist, which was, in some weird way, comforting. 

"It'll be okay Dez, Zisteau and I will both be there to support you." 

"I know... It's just.... seeing him again.... I don't know if I'm ready for that." 

"Dez, hon, you will be fine, I'm confident of it." Kurt says, trying to sound confident, though his voice wavered slightly. 

Dezeray sat quietly, unsure of what to say. She felt like she was so close to loosing control, maybe from the lack of sleep, or the fact that she'd be forced to see Max again, or both. But it was all adding up, pushing her closer to that edge that she'd finally distanced herself from. She had thought that she had finally reached the bottom of the darkness, and it had been kind to her; given her a way back into the light, but she felt like she was falling again, but with that light still there. If only she could truly reach it. 

"Dezeray.... just promise that no matter what happens today, you'll stay strong.... I just.... ah...." Kurt sighs deeply. "I just can't stand to see you depressed like that again. It's been so nice, seeing you happy, actually enjoying life. I don't want to see that taken away from you." 

Dezeray takes a deep breath, trying desperately to shove away those dark, dreary thoughts away. "I promise." She whispers, bitting her lip.

Kurt glances out the window, before his gaze is back on Dezeray. "Why don't you go get around, we have to leave in an hour." 

Dezeray nodded, standing up and heading back to her room. She felt the odd feel in the air, it was sadness, laced with tension and foreshadowing. She felt like something was going to go terribly today. She felt like it would all come crashing down. But she just desperately hoped that it didn't. She slowly got around, taking her time. She was kinda hoping that she wouldn't have to go, that something would happen and safe her from going, but she knew, deep down, that she had to face this, face her fears, and her demons. She knew that all along she'd have to face this, but she'd been trying to keep that as far away as possible.

She headed out to the living room, feeling a weight on her shoulders. She had to just face this, there wasn't any avoiding it now. She knew she had to be strong, not just for herself, but for the ones in her life; she couldn't have them constantly worrying about her, it wasn't fair to them. She gave Zisteau and Kurt a smile, though it was forced, as they made their way to the living room. 

"You ready?" Zisteau asks gently.

Dezeray takes a deep, steadying breath. "Yeah, lets get this over with."

The drive to the court house was quiet, and an odd tension hung in the air. As they entered the, very intimidating, building, she suddenly felt so self conscious, like she wanted to go and cry in a corner. She grabbed Zisteau hand, squeezing it tightly, finding the contact, at least a little, reassuring. Zisteau sends her a worried look, squeezing her hand in return. 

They were lead into a large court room, and beyond the many, many seats lined up. They were told to sit and wait at the table for their lawyer to arrive. Dezeray kept ahold of Zisteau's hand, almost afraid if she let go that he'd just disappear and leave her alone to face this. She knew being alone for this was the worst thing that could possibly happen to her. She knew she needed the support and love that Kurt and Zisteau, her dads, provided her. Eventually, a man, tall and chubby came over to their table. He looked well educated, though appearances can be deceiving, as she had found out. 

"I'm Scott Bow, I'll be your lawyer." The man, Scott, greets. 

After he sat down, beside Kurt, he addressed the three. "The game plan; I'll call Dezeray up to the stand and ask some questions, but she'll be last, I'll call both of you two up." He starts, nodding to Kurt and Zisteau. "I will try to defend you as well as possible. I think we have this case, honestly. There's a lot of evidence against Max, and basically none that says Dezeray is in the wrong."

Zisteau and Kurt nod, agreeing with the plan. Dezeray just sat there quietly as some people filed in to sit in the crowd. Eventually though, the doors opened, revealing a guard and a boy in an orange prison outfit. Dezeray gulped, squeezing Zisteau's hand tightly. She wasn't ready for this. She didn't know if she'd ever be. Max was lead in, his hands cuffed together, a guard leading him in. His grey-gold eyes instantly locked on Dezeray. She shuddered in fear as that damn image of him came back to her mind. She took a deep breath and looked away. 

"Hey cutie." Came from Dezeray's right. 

She glanced over at the table Max was at. "Fuck off." She said, venom in her voice and pain fueled anger burned in her blue-green eyes. 

After a little while longer, the judge entered, starting the case. Zisteau was the first called to the stand, the lawyer, Scott, asked simple questions, getting the answers he needed. Then Kurt, which followed the same basis of questions. Then, it was Dezeray's turn, and she wasn't ready, but she shakily stood up and walked over to the stand anyway. 

"Dezeray, you went on a date with Max, correct?" Scott started, giving her a gentle, kind look. 

"Yes." Dezeray says, bitting her lip. 

"You were aware that his parents weren't home, correct?" 

Dezeray nods. "Not right away, but I did know." 

"Did Max force himself upon you?" 

"Yes." 

"Could you please describe the situation?" 

Dezeray nods slowly, taking a deep, calming breath. "He pushed me back onto the couch, and, when I told him no, he tied my wrists together." She wipes at her face, trying to rid herself of the inevitable tears. "I couldn't do anything.... I didn't want that.... I didn't want him...." She breaks down into tears as her voice drifts off. 

"I rest my case." Scott says, stepping back. 

"Would you like to question Dezeray?" The judge asks, directing the question at Max's lawyer. 

He nods, standing up and moving to the center of the room. "Ah, miss Dezeray." He starts, sending Dezeray a look. "How exactly did you say Max 'forced' himself upon you?" He questioned, using air quotes. 

Dezeray wiped at her face again. "He-he pushed me back onto the couch and..... and he used me...." 

"Right, and how exactly did you end up at his house?" 

"He took me on a date..... and then we went there...." 

"So, you're saying that this is your fault, for allowing yourself to be taken there." 

Dezeray stared incredulously at the man with teary blue-green eyes. "H-how is this my fault?" 

"You allowed him to take you to his house, which meant that opened the opportunity." The man says simply, throwing her a pointed look.

"The only thing that's my fault is trusting that bastard." Dezeray says, sneering at Max. "He had no fucking right to do that to me, to force me into something I wasn't ready for and frankly didn't want. I had already been through that shit once! Why the fuck would you make me live through it again?" She finishes, her voice almost a yell as tears poured down her face, her blue-green eyes locked onto grey-gold. 

Dezeray was furious. She wasn't sad, or scared. She was angry. She hated Max with a burning passion. She never, ever wanted to see his sorry ass again. She didn't care what happened to him, as long as he was never in her life again. 

"Miss Dezeray, I need to ask you to calm down." The judge asks kindly, her eyes having a knowing look. 

Dezeray takes a few deep breaths, trying to let the burning anger simmer down. 

"Is that all, or do you have more questions for Dezeray." The judge says, her voice full of authority. 

"I have one more." He starts, a smirk on his face. "You said you already lived through this once, what does that mean?" 

Dezeray's eyes fill with fear as those terrible images came back; the drunken, lust filled eyes, the hands gripping her wrists, bruising them, holding them above her head. The feeling of being used. That's when she snapped. She pushed that all aside, tired of being so scared by it, tired of the pain, the sadness, the memories. Tired of feeling worthless and empty. Tired of the fear and always wanting to start over. She was tired of missing people who had left her. She was tired of the countless nights of tossing and turning. She just wanted to let it go. She was honestly just tired of being tired, of trying to act okay; a constant game of lies. She was done with it all.

"If you really want to know, my last foster dad raped me and abused me." She answered coldly, holding out her wrists. "You see this, the scars? This is what terrible people like Max and my last foster dad cause. I almost killed myself because of those bastards. He pushed me over the edge, and you know what? I'm done with being scared and running from my problems. I'm done with being used and abused. And mostly, I'm fucking done with Max. I really hope you rot in hell." She finishes, the tears no longer falling, every bit off sadness replaced with anger and hatred. 

The court room was silent, everyone in shock at the young, quiet girl's words. There was no movement, no sound, you could hear a pin drop, as everything seems to freeze. 

"T-thank you, Dezeray, I think that will be all." The judge says, cutting through the deathly silence, her voice wavering slightly. 

Dezeray stood and walked back to her seat at the table. 

"Is her being angry a good thing?" She hears Zisteau whisper to Kurt.

"I-I don't know." Kurt replies in a whisper. 

"Would you uh, like to call anyone to the stand?" The judge asks, directing the question at Max's lawyer. 

"Yes. Max." He states simply. 

Max stands, after getting a nod of approve-meant from his guard. He makes his way to the stand, casting his gaze to his lawyer. 

"So, Max, you asked Dezeray to go on a date with you and she agreed?" 

"Yes." 

"What did you do on the date?" 

"I took her to a nice restaurant, then we went back to my place. I told her my parents weren't home and she said that was okay."

"Did you rape her?" 

"No, she let me." 

"Right, so, you didn't force her into anything?" 

"No, I did not." 

Dezeray sat angrily listening to the string of lies that Max spoke. She wanted to yell, to argue, but she didn't. She was civil, at the very least. 

"Would you like to question Max, Mr. Bow?" The judge questions when Max's lawyer had finished his questions. 

"Yes, yes I would." Scott replies, moving to stand in front of the stand. "What exactly happened, in your own words, that night when you went to your house?" 

"Well, Dezeray and I were talking on the couch and we started making out, which lead to things, and she was the one who encouraged me." 

"So, you're saying that Dezeray asked you to have sex with her?" 

"Basically." 

Scott starts pacing. "Then why, Max, did Dezeray end up on the street crying, desperately calling MC to come get her? And why did she end up at home sobbing and in tears, having a panic attack?" He asked skeptically, throwing questions at the, innocent acting, boy. 

Max was quiet, almost like he couldn't answer, or didn't know how to. 

"That's what I thought; uncertainty. You don't know how to answer, because all that stuff you said earlier, that was all lies. We all know what really happened that night Max, we all know what you did to this poor girl. I just hope you see what a terrible thing you've done." Scott says, walking away from the stand. 

"Alright, we will take a recess while the jury makes their decision." The judge says, after a moment of tense silence.

"You okay, Dez?" Zisteau asks, looking more confused than worried. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Dezeray answers, trying not to sound angry at them, for she wasn't.

"Hey Dezeray." Came a husky voice. "I'm sorry... about everything." 

"Max." Dezeray says coldly. "I'm not doing this again. I'm not falling into your trap again. And if you don't stay away from me, I swear to god, I'll punch that pretty little face of yours." She finishes, glaring daggers at him. 

He takes a step forward, obviously not taking the hint. "Dezzy." 

Zisteau threw Dezeray a nervous glance as she stared down Max. 

"Don't." She says, anger lacing her voice. 

"Please listen Dezzy." 

"I've been listening to your shit all day. I'm done Max. Can you not get that through your thick skull?"

"But Dez. I love you." Max says, moving to place his hand on her arm. 

Dezeray punches him in the face, hearing the crack of his nose. Max staggers backward, clutching at his face as blood gushed out of his nose. "What the fuck?" He spat out. 

"I warned you." Dezeray says coldly. 

The guard quickly pulled Max out of the court room, more than likely to get something for his nose. 

"Was that really necessary?" Kurt asks, looking befuddled. 

"I'm sorry, but I warned him and he didn't listen." Dezeray says, speaking calmly to Kurt, not wanting to hurt either of her parents. 

"Just don't do it again?" 

"I won't." 

After a long while, Max was lead back in, a bandage, which looked temporary, was on his nose and there was already bruises, which she knew would be there for a long while. He glared at her, which was met with a glare from her. Finally, after what felt like hours, the judge and jury entered the large room again. The judge gave Max a confused look, but quickly let it slide and moved on. 

"We have come to a decision. Max has been found guilty, and will be sentenced to nine years at a minimum with no parole." She says, her voice sounding stern and commanding. 

Dezeray watched as Max was dragged out of the room, heading to his new home. Dezeray felt that anger subsiding. She wasn't sad. She wasn't scared. She wasn't angry. She felt normal. She didn't feel a huge weight on her shoulders, she didn't feel that pang in her heart. She felt okay. Maybe, just maybe, she could let it go.

"You ready to head home?" Zisteau asks. 

"Yeah, I am, lets go home." Dezeray says with a smile, the first genuine one since she was a young girl. All those she had given MC, of course they were real smiles, but they had still been backed by sadness and depression. But this, this was a genuine smile. 

She followed them out to the car, getting buckled in the backseat. It was quiet for a little while, but there was a lot of things left unsaid.

"How are you feeling Dezeray. Not the typical answer, how are you really feeling?" Zisteau asks, turning in his seat to look at Dezeray. 

"I'm feeling good." She says with a smile, taking a deep breath, loving the smell of nature. "I'm really feeling good." 

"That's good...." 

"Can we go to the beach to watch the sunset?" 

"Yeah, sure." 

"Why don't we stop and get some ice cream before hand?" Kurt asks with a smile, glancing at Dezeray through the rear view mirror. 

Dezeray smiled. "That's a great idea." 

As they watched the sun set, the cooling sand beneath them, colors blossoming on the water, Dezeray felt okay. Well and truly okay for the first time since she was a little girl.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while derp, sorry, but were back!

"I heard the court case went well." Was MC's greeting as Dezeray sat in her seat for first hour. 

"Yeah. I'd say it did." Dezeray responded happily.

"You okay there?" MC asked, a slightly confused look on his face. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You just seem.... I dunno, not like yourself in a way?" MC said unsurely. 

"I'm fine MC, great actually." Dezeray said with a smile. "I feel like I'm finally free." 

MC looked super confused. "Finally free?" 

"Yeah. I just don't feel sad anymore, not really anyway. I feel like I can finally figure out who I am." 

MC smiles, shoving the confusion aside. "That's wonderful, Dezzy."

Dezeray smiled happily, moving to press her lips against MC's. The kiss was sweet, and she never wanted it to end, though the bell rang, startling both of them. They pulled away, smiles prevalent on both of their faces. The class period went by quickly, especially with MC constantly distracting her with jokes, though she couldn't care, he was too cute to ignore.

After class, they parted ways with a kiss, maybe more than one, and Dezeray headed to her art class. It was rather nice, especially without Max there to constantly bug her and remind of something she'd rather forget. She pushed all that aside, wanting to forget about it and let it go. She started drawing, something simple, just some lines on a paper really, but it was something to keep her distracted. A lot of the people in this class were rowdy and really didn't care about art at all, which aggravated her. This was just a class they took to get by easily. 

"Dezeray, could you please come out to the hallway?" The teacher asks, standing beside her, observing her work. 

"Uh.... sure." Dezeray replies awkwardly. 

She stands up, following the teacher out of the classroom. She saw another guy out in the hallway, he looked very prestigious in a way, his posture held high, and his suit looking crisp and clean; thin framed plastic glasses resting on his thin nose. 

"Miss Dezeray, it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Kyle Rall." The man says, holding out his hand for Dezeray to shake, which she did. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you too." Dezeray says politely. 

"So, down to business." He says, his face becoming serious. "I have a proposition for you." 

Dezeray raises an eyebrow. "What type of proposition?" 

"I would like to sponsor you by helping you open an art gallery." 

Dezeray stared at Kyle in disbelief. "Are you serious?" 

"Very. I've seen your art work, I'm a huge fan, and I'm positive everyone would love to see it as much as I do." 

"You're really serious?" Dezeray asked, unable to comprehend this.

"Yes." Kyle says with a chuckle. "We'll have to keep in touch. I'll have to contact your parents....?" 

"Zisteau and Kurt." 

"Ah yes, Zisteau and Kurt, and we'll discuss this further. But for now, I must be going, but it was a pleasure meeting such a talented young lady."

Dezeray's cheeks turned a rosy red from the compliment, but she smiled anyway. "Thank you." 

After a few more shared words Kyle leaves, letting Dezeray head back to class, though she was far too destructed to actually accomplish anything. After school she met up with MC by her locker, where he was waiting for her. 

"Hey." MC greeted with a smile.

"Hey." Dezeray responded, wrapping MC in a hug, taking a deep breath, loving his husky smell. 

"How was your day?"

"Pretty great." 

"Oh?" 

"Someone wants to sponsor me by helping me open an art gallery." 

"Wow! You're serious?"

"Yeah, he said he loved my work." 

"That's really awesome Dezzy." MC says with a huge smile.

"You know." Dezeray says, twirling a piece of MC's brown hair around her finger. "I don't see how he could like my work so much. It's just colors on a paper." 

"Now Dez, you know that's not true. You know your work is amazing, but not as amazing as you yourself."

"Ever the charmer." Dezeray laughs, kissing MC gently, unable to stop smiling.

"So, I was wondering if you'd like to go to prom with me?" MC asks out of the blue.

"Of course I would." 

"Awesome." 

"Indeed." 

They both laugh, sharing this nice little moment together, in the middle of the bustling hallways of the school. These moments, the ones she never thought she'd have again, the ones that were peaceful, quiet, happy; happiness in which she never thought she'd feel again. But somehow, she was lucky enough to have these moments again; lucky enough to have such an amazing person to bring her that happiness.

She was finally realizing how lucky she was to have MC in her life. And how lucky she was to have such great parents, who support her and love her unconditionally. Sometimes she really questioned how she deserved anything she had, but she realized she had to stop questioning the good things in life, for she just needed to enjoy them, favor them, cherish them, for you never know how long things like this will last, especially in her case. 

"Lost in thought silly?" MC asks gently, caressing her cheek, pulling her out of her thoughts.

She smiles gently. "Did you expect any less from me?" 

"Not at all you derpy girl." 

They smile at each other, sharing another kiss, slow, sweet, full of love. A true love, one that ran deep through both of them. A love that they both hoped would never ever go away. 

"Come on, I've gotta go before Zisteau gets mad." Dezeray says, grabbing MC's hand, leading them from the basically empty hallway. 

They reached the curb where Zisteau's car was parked and shared a parting kiss, one that lasted an impossibly long amount of time, which was spent in a world for only those two. They eventually pulled away, resting their foreheads against the others. 

"I love you." Dezeray breaths, getting lost in MC's beautiful blue eyes. 

"I love you too." MC replied, a loving smile on his face. 

Parting words were spoken and Dezeray got in Zisteau's car. Zisteau started driving, throwing a glance at Dezeray. 

"How was your day?" He questions.

"Pretty good. MC asked me to prom." 

"Awe that's amazing! We'll have to go shopping and get you a dress and some shoes." 

Dezeray smiles, giggling at her father's excitedness. "You seem way too excited for this." 

"Well sorry for trying to be a good dad." 

"You are a good dad."

Zisteau sends her a playful smile.

"Anyway." Dezeray starts. "This guy, Kyle Rall wants to help me open an art gallery." 

"Wow, really?" 

"Yeah. Said he wanted to talk to you and dad soon about the details."

"That's really amazing." Zisteau says excitedly. "You really don't understand how awesome an opportunity this is, do you?" 

"It's just an art gallery...." 

"This could be the start of your art career, you already have someone who wants to sponsor you, he'll probably bring in tons of people. This'll be great for you." 

"I hope so." 

"It will!" 

She smiled, loving how encouraging Zisteau was; he always was. She would always love and cherish things like this. She just hoped this type of thing was here to stay.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to see the value in the pain from the past to help you move on

Dezeray meandered into the kitchen, taking a seat at the table, watching as Kurt made his way to the table, two coffee cups in hand and Zisteau trailing behind him with his own cup of coffee. 

"I was thinking we could go shopping today. We need to find you the perfect dress." Zisteau says cheerily. 

"Awesome." Dezeray says with a smile. 

"Perfect dress?" Kurt questions. 

"MC asked her to prom!" Zisteau says, just as cheerily. 

"That's adorable." Kurt says with a smile. 

"Did Dez tell you about the art thing?" 

"Art thing?" 

"I'm gonna take that as a no." Zisteau chuckles. 

"This guy wants to sponsor me by helping me open an art gallery." Dezeray says, trying to ignore the light blush that colored her cheeks. 

"That's amazing Dezzy!" Kurt says, a smile plastered on his face. "Have you decided what works you want to use?"

"Not sure about all of them, but I definitely want to use the one of MC and the one of the sunset." 

"Those are both good ones. How did that art show go by the way?" 

"Got gold ranking." 

"Cool."

"Indeed." Dezeray giggles.

"Oh man, she took you phrase Kurt, whatcha gonna do about it?" Zisteau asks teasingly. 

"Nothing at all, it's kinda cute." Kurt says, throwing Zisteau a playful look. "But not as cute as you." 

"Flatterer." Zisteau says, nuzzling their noses together and kissing him gently, letting his fingers tangle in Kurt's brown hair. 

"Ew." Dezeray says, scrunching her nose. "I'm gonna go and get around before this gets any more awkward." She giggles as she gets up from the table, grabbing her coffee cup and starting to head for the room.

"We might need an hour." Zisteau teases.

"Ew! Dad!" Dezeray shouts as she vacates the room. 

She couldn't contain her giggles as she made her way to her room, her warm cup of coffee in hand. She sat on her bed, pulling out her laptop and sitting it on her lap. She sipped her coffee as she pulled up her email. She typed in a email address, one she hadn't used in a long time. She knew there was a lot to say to the person in question, but a lot of it she didn't want to say until they meet in person again, which she honestly wasn't sure she ever would, but one can hope.

_  
Hey Aurey, it's been a long time, I'm so sorry I haven't tried contacting you, I've been through a lot since my sudden move. There's so much I want to tell, I need to tell you, but I'd rather do it in person, if we see each other again, which I hope we do. Anyway, life is pretty great here in Chicago, my foster parents are wonderful. You'd never believe how cute they are, like it's almost unbearable. They are amazing to me, they've gotten me everything I've ever really wanted or needed. Today their taking me to get a prom dress._

_And yes Aurey, I got asked to prom. My wonderful boyfriend asked me. I wish you could meet him. He is absolutely perfect. He's so sweet, caring, beautiful. He's the best thing to ever happen to me Aurey, I honestly think he's the one. Not just the high school thing. I really think he's the one, like the one I want to be with forever._

_Enough about me for now, how are you? How are you and Vechs doing, you guys still together? You'll have to email back soon, or call, you know, like normal people. Love ya bunches Aurey!  
_

She hit send and sat back, taking another drink of her coffee. She missed Aurey quite a bit. It had been far too long since she'd seen her, let alone talk to her. But, just a few months ago she really wasn't stable enough to do anything, obviously. She had been a complete mess, and she realized that, but she also realized she had to learn from it, and she was.

She had learned so much from all of the stuff that had happened. She had learned how trust is truly a burden and a savor, you just have to learn who to trust. She learned that there's always light in the dark, always happy in the sad, you've just got to be open enough to see it. She learned so much about herself. She learned to have control, even when everything was crumbling beneath her. She knew each scar told a story; each one telling of a harder time, reminding her when she was weaker, when she was vulnerable, but she learned from each of those scars. And, she was still learning how to let go. 

She pulled herself out of her thoughts as she got up to get around, closing her laptop gently and leaving her steaming mug of coffee on the bedside table. After a nice hot bath she brushed her teeth and managed to tame her hair and got dressed. She wore a nice purple tank top and jean shorts. She didn't mind showing off her scars anymore. She was proud to bear them, not because it reminded her of her past, but it showed that she was strong enough to overcome the darkness that had plagued her life for too many years. She was proud to be strong, to be who she really was, and those scars helped create who she really was. She checked her laptop, seeing an unread email pop up. She smiled as she sat down to read it. 

"You coming Dezzy?" Zisteau calls out.

"Yeah, give me a minute!" Dezeray responded.

She glanced back at the screen, unable to keep the smile off of her face as she read. 

_  
Oh my gosh Dezzy!!! I'm so glad to hear from you!!!! It's been forever!! I'm glad to hear you're  doing well. Hopefully we will see each other again soon, that would make me so happy! Is your boyfriend cute?? He hasn't done anything terrible to you, has he? Cause if he has I will march over there and kick his butt!_

_Vechs and I are doing great, he's amazing to me Dez. I'm sad I can't be there so we can hangout at prom, but that's okay, as long as you send me a pic of your dress AND of you and your boyfriend! I love ya bunches Dezzy!  
_

Dezeray was so happy, she finally got to talk to her bubbly red headed best friend again. It had been far, far too long. She could just imagine Aurey practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. It made her laugh, as she closed her laptop again and made her way out to the living room, where Kurt and Zisteau were kissing. _Why are they always kissing when I come into the room?_ She momentarily pondered, but quickly shoved the thought aside, unable to deny how cute it was; how cute they were.

"You guys gonna take me shopping or are you gonna make out all day?" Dezeray giggles. 

"I dunno, I could kiss this cutie forever." Zisteau says, giving Dezeray a playful smile, which only grew wider as Kurt's face turned red. 

"You can't deny you don't like it cutie." Zisteau says, kissing Kurt's nose.

"I could, but it'd be the biggest lie ever." Kurt retorts, smiling despite the blush that spread to the tips of his ears. 

"Exactly, now come along before Dez has to watch us kiss more."

"You guys are gross." Dezeray teases, unable to stop giggling.

"Hey! it's not like you haven't done anything with MC!" 

"Dad! You're terrible!" She says, shoving him playfully.

"I know, now let's get going."

They pile into the convertible and start the drive to the mall. Dezeray slipped on her sunglasses, that were naturally in the car already, and watched the Chicago skyline come into view. It was still just as spectacular as the first time she'd seen it. But then, she had been a different person, she was a shell of a person then, not that she was perfect now, not by any means, but she was almost whole again.

She brushed some hair out of her face and looked out as they drove through the heart of the city. So many different diversities, so many different cultures, religions, arts, passions, so many different things being displayed, so many different people, each and everyone unique. She liked being able to see this type of thing now, before it had all been dark, dreary, nothing worth it, but now, now that none of that was true anymore, she could see how great life truly was. 

Of course she still remembered the past and all that had happened, but it wasn't as weighing on her, it didn't constantly burden her. She felt free, happy. Finally able to live the life she always wanted to. She was finally able to find herself again, not the person she thought she was, but the real her, the hopeful, smart, artistic, happy go lucky girl she really was. 

They pulled into the parking lot and parked, only taking an hour or so to actually find an open spot. Then, they headed in, going towards a dress shop, which had a whole bunch of dresses displayed, which all looked very, very expensive. 

"Alright! How about you pick out a few and try em' on." Zisteau says with a smile. 

"Okay......these all look so expensive." Dezeray says, running her fingers along velvety fabric. 

"Eh, no worries, we want the best for you."

"You're sure?" 

"Positive." 

She finds a couple of different dresses and matching heels and they headed for the dressing room area. She went into the stall, which was rather big, and put on the first dress, which was a floor length blue dress with sleeves that ended at the edge of her shoulders and a neckline that showed off a lot without showing off too much. She pulled on the matching shoes and headed into the small sitting area where there was a full body mirror. 

"I'm not really sure about this one.... I don't really like the color that much." Dezeray says, glancing at her dads through the mirror. 

"I think you look beautiful, but it's your choice." Kurt says, giving her an encouraging look. 

Dezeray changed into another dress, this one crimson red, and a lot shorter than the other. It had lace sleeves that ended at her elbows and the neck line didn't show off quite as much. She pulled on the tall black stilettos heels and walked back out to look at herself in the mirror. She liked this one more than the last, it definitely showed off her thin, yet toned, legs. It was definitely a good look on her, she couldn't deny that, but she wasn't sure if that was the one either. 

She put on the last of the dresses she had picked out. It was a short white puffy skirted dress. It was beautiful, like all the dresses were, and it matched the wedges well, but she still wasn't sure. She walked out to show Zisteau and Kurt, wanting their opinion.

"So..?"

"They've all looked amazing on you Dez." Zisteau says, looking her up and down. 

"Here Dez, I think you should try this one on." Kurt says handing her a purple dress and black heels. 

She takes it with a smile and heads back into the room. She pulls of the white dress and slips into the purple one. It was form fitting, showing off her curves. It had slits on the side, showing off her stomach and the back was almost all lace. It matched perfectly with the black heels and her hair and eyes. It was perfect. She walked out with a smile, looking herself over in the mirror. 

"I didn't know you were into fashion dad." Dezeray says, giving Kurt a smile. 

"I'm not. You look good in purple and I thought that one would look nice on you, which it does."

"I think I want this one." 

"Awesome. Go change and we'll get you checked out." 

Dezeray goes back into the room and pulls on her tank top, shorts, and flip flops. She joined Zisteau and Kurt at the cash register with the dress and shoes in hand. She saw the receipt as it was handed to Zisteau, and saw just how expensive it really was. She honestly wasn't sure why they'd spend so much on her.

"You ready to go?" Zisteau asks.

"Yup." Dezeray says with a smile. 

The three head back out into the crowded mall, making their way back to the parking lot, where they took a long while trying to find their car, which Dezeray found comical, much to Kurt's disdain, though he couldn't help but smile. They were truly like a family, and it was nice. She finally had a family, a real one, and she honestly couldn't ask for anything more.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even in the best of moments, there's always a little bit of darkness, even if it's not too visible

Dezeray put the last bobby pin in her hair and sighed as the task was finally done. She had managed to get her auburn hair into a braided bun, which looked better than she thought it would. She pulled on her dress and carried her heels out to the living room with her. 

"You look great Dezzy." Zisteau says with a smile.

"Thanks."

"We really want you to have fun tonight Dezzy, but please, please don't do anything too much. We were very lenient about this before, but we don't want you to just throw away your life." Zisteau says, suddenly becoming very serious. 

"I won't dad, I promise." Dezeray says, a knowing look on her face. "I don't know if I could handle something like that anyway.... it's just too soon." 

Zisteau gives Dezeray a hug. "I know sweetie." 

Dezeray steps back from Zisteau's embrace when the door bell rings, signaling MC's arrival. She opened the door with a big smile. MC looked absolutely fantastic in his slick black tux. 

"Wow.... Dez.... you look amazing." MC says, awe coloring his face. 

"Thanks, you do too." Dezeray responded with a smile. 

They took a few pictures, which turned out really great, especially one, which was the two laughing. MC's skin crinkled around his eyes, making him look so happy. It was the perfect picture. It showed just how happy both of them were. 

"You guys have fun tonight." Zisteau says with a wave as the two make their way out the door.

"You really do look amazing Dezzy." MC says as they start their drive to the school where prom was being held.

"You really do too." Dezeray responded. 

It was quiet for a while, but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. Dezeray glanced over at MC as he drove. His usually messy brown hair was slicked back and his blue eyes shined just as brightly as they always had. He was absolutely beautiful and she honestly wasn't sure how she deserved him, or how she was lucky enough to have him, but somehow she was. And, she knew if she pondered it for too long, it would just become even more confusing than it already was. But, she loved MC more than anything or anyone. He was so perfect, so amazing. He was everything she'd ever wanted and more. She was so, so thankful to have him. 

"Earth to Dez." MC says, pulling the other out of her thoughts. "We're here."

Dezeray gives MC a smile and kisses him, wrapping her arms around him. He kisses back instantly, pulling her closer, wanting nothing more then to kiss her breathless and hold her close forever; never, ever wanting to let her go. 

"You wanna head in?" Dezeray asks quietly, staring into MC's beautiful blue eyes after they pull away. 

"I dunno, I could stay here and kiss you forever." MC responds playfully, though he was kinda serious. 

"I know." Dezeray breaths. "I could too." 

MC brought Dezeray into another kiss, this one deep, passionate, full of love. The pure excitement and love bubbles through both of them. But, Dezeray pulled away, rather reluctantly.

"Why don't we head in." 

"Sure."

They get out and head into the school hand in hand. MC gave her hand a gentle squeeze as they made their way into the gym, which had been transformed into a beautiful forest esc scene. Rose petals where littered about the room. Candles lit most of the room, casting a golden glow on everything, making the already beautiful room more romantic.

"Wow... this is beautiful." Dezeray murmurs, looking around the room in awe. 

"But not as beautiful as you." MC says, brushing his fingertips across her face, caressing her cheek. 

Her cheeks become a rosy pink. Sometimes she hated her shy composer, but right now, she didn't mind it. 

"We should go dance." MC suggest, grabbing Dezeray's hand. 

"Yeah." 

They head towards the dance floor, where tons of couples were already dancing and groups of friends laughing while they 'danced' to the songs that played. Right as they reached the dance floor, a slow song came on. Dezeray smiled as MC put his hands on her hips, gently pulling her closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his chest as they slowly swayed back and forth. 

Dezeray listened to the words of the song, truly taking them in. Can't help falling in love. She never truly realized how true that was. But, it was very true. You can't help falling in love, not just with people, but with the life you have been given. She loved her life. She loved having amazing parents and an amazing boyfriend, that she loved dearly. MC was everything to her. He was the first person she ever actually trusted. She felt like she could tell him anything and he'd never utter a word of it to anyone. She felt like she could be herself around him. She felt like he actually loved her, which he did. And she loved him right back. He was the love of her life. 

"I love you MC." Dezeray murmurs quietly. 

"I love you too Dez." MC replies, pressing a kiss to her head. 

Long after the song ended, they stayed in each others arms, never wanting leave the others embrace. Eventually, a bunch of more rowdy high schoolers started dancing obnoxiously. Dezeray and MC left the dance floor, not really wanting to have to deal with them. 

They stuck around and chatted for a while, but eventually decided on leaving as the time grew latter. Though it wasn't too late, and they decided to go to the beach for some silence, apart from the waves crashing against the shore, which was rather soothing. Dezeray left her heels in the car and walked bare foot beside MC, their fingers twined together. 

"Hey Dezeray." MC says, stopping suddenly, causing Dezeray to stop as well. 

"Yeah?" She questioned with a raised eyebrow. 

"I got you this...." MC says, handing her a small black velvety ring box. "It's a promise ring."

"Oh my gosh.... MC... it's beautiful." Dezeray says in awe as tears glisten in her eyes. She looked at the gold banded ring with an intricate design made of purple gems.

"There's so many things Dezeray, so many things I promise to you." MC starts, tears glistening in his blue eyes. "I promise to protect you, to never, ever do anything to hurt you, to hold you close. I promise to never do anything like Max did. I promise to always love, no matter what happens. I promise to never leave, to never let you go. I promise to love you."

"MC.... I-I love you so much.... you're the best thing to ever happen to me." Dezeray says, hugging MC tightly as tears slid slowly down her cheeks. She couldn't have possibly been happier in that moment, it just wasn't possible.

"I love you too Dezeray, always." MC murmurs, hugging her back just as tightly. 

They stayed there, their arms wrapped tightly around each other as the moon cast it's soft white glow upon them, lighting up the beach, which was just for them, in that moment at least. After a long, long while they went back to MC's car hand in hand, though this time a small glimmer of metal stood out on Dezeray's hand. 

It was quiet on the drive back, but it wasn't a bad type of silence, it was the kind that only two people who were truly in love could have, a silence that spoke volumes about how comfortable they were around each other. They were both so, so in love. Neither could imagine ever being without the other and didn't know how they lived so long without the other.

The silence was suddenly smashed by tires screeching. Dezeray frantically grabbed for something as she felt herself being thrown forward. Her hand found MC's as her head hit the window and her vision faded to black, along with the rest of the world.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope is a burden and a blessing, it's something everyone finds out eventually.

Dezeray awoke to a soft beeping of a heart monitor. She slowly opened her eyes, groaning as the bright light hurt her head. A white ceiling. A hospital. The crash. She shot up, suddenly terrified and worried as tears started running down her face. She ripped the IV out of her arm, which caused her to wince and the heart monitor to go crazy. But, that didn't even begin to make her care. She rushed for the door, but was quickly stopped as nurses and a doctor ran into the room.

"Phew..... you're okay. Thank god." One of the nurses, one Dezeray recognized from her last visit here, said.

"Where's MC? Is he okay? He's gotta be okay." Dezeray says desperately, trying to get out of the door. 

One of the nurses stopped her. "Dezeray, you have to get back in bed, you shouldn't be up and moving yet." She says gently. 

"But MC...." Dezeray says as she dissolves into sobs, collapsing against the closest nurse and sobbing onto her shoulder. 

"Go get Kurt and Zisteau." The nurse whispered as she stroked Dezeray's hair, trying to calm the upset girl. 

"It's okay Dezeray, it's okay." She murmured, trying so desperately to comfort the girl, though she was positive she was failing. 

"Dez!" Zisteau says excitedly, hugging her tightly, allowing the nurse to step back. "Im so glad you're okay! We were so worried."

Dezeray just hugged Zisteau tightly. "Where-where's MC?" She questions quietly, so terribly worried. 

Zisteau glances at Kurt and the nurse who stood by them, they both shrugged. "Come with me sweetie." Zisteau says gently, taking her hand. 

They walk out into the hallway together, hand in hand. "Dez, sweetie, I just want you to know that no matter what, we love you." Zisteau says, handing Dezeray something. 

It was her ring. The promise ring MC had given her. She slipped it on her finger and squeezed Zisteau's hand tightly as they approached a room with a closed door. Zisteau squeezes her hand and gives her a sympathetic but encouraging look. Dezeray takes a deep breath and opens the door with a shaky hand. She shakily walked to the side of the bed where MC lay, his body bruised and bandaged. The tears continued to fall as she just stared in horror as everything came crashing down. A car crash. Her parents died. A car crash. MC is hurt. 

"He's in a coma sweetie." Zisteau says gently, offering Dezeray a hug. 

Dezeray collapsed against him, crying onto his shoulder. "Is-is he gonna be okay?" She asks, her voice barely a whisper.

"I don't know Dezzy, I really don't." Zistesu says gently, knowing she needed to hear the truth instead of being comforted with a lie. 

"Why does this have to happen?" 

"I have no idea Dez." 

"I've already had so much taken from me.... I can't loose him dad! I love him so much!" She sobs.

"I know Dez, I know." 

"I-I can't live without him."

"Just stay strong Dezeray, just stay strong." 

Dezeray just nodded as Zisteau lead her back to her own room, where a nurse was waiting, a knowing and sad look on her face. Dezeray curled up on her side on her bed and cried. She cried and cried until she just couldn't cry anymore. 

She had thought everything was going so well. She was finally talking to her best friend again. She was in the best relationship she'd ever had. She was in love with the sweetest, kindest guy ever. She had the best, most supportive parents ever. She thought everything was going perfectly. She had thought nothing could go wrong, that everything was laid out for her and she could finally, truly be happy, that nothing could take that happiness from her. 

But god was she wrong. She had finally let go of everything that had held her down, that had kept her falling into darkness. But it only takes a single moment for everything to be taken away from you, for everything to become dark again. She'd experienced it so many times, too many. She had just wanted to be happy, to finally live happily and be in love and have everything she wanted. But that wasn't what her life was. No, her life wasn't perfect with rainbows and unicorns, it was darkness with little bits of light that constantly kept teasing her, making her feel like she could actually live happily. 

But it was all a big lie. She kept trying and trying just for everything to be taken away from her, for her to begin falling into darkness again, where there's only two outcomes as you finally find the bottom, feathers or rocks. She just hoped it wouldn't be the latter of the two, she just hoped that she could find her way back to the light. Why did she constantly keep trying when she knew what was going to happen? 

Have hope. Be strong. It'll be okay. All those things said, trying to bring her comfort, give her support, but for what? Trying to make the rocks seem a little softer? A little less painful? Everything was crumbling down and she didn't know what to do. She never did. No matter how much she'd learned, nothing could prepare her for this moment. Nothing could prepare her for the moment the love of her life was on the verge of death. Nobody knew when or if he'd wake up. No one knew if he'd be okay. No one knew if he'd make. She didn't either. She didn't know if he would ever be able to kiss her or hug her again. 

All she could do was hope to god he'd be okay. Hope is a burden and a blessing she realized. It makes you believe that everything can be okay, but it can also make you blind to the fact that things aren't okay, and they might not ever be. But, all she could really do was hope. She stared at the purple gem'd ring on her finger, unable to look away. She just hoped MC kept his promise.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some times, things that should be heard aren't

"Dezeray, you should probably go back to your room." A nurse says calmly, giving the young girl a sad look.

"Can-can I please just see him..." She asks, teary blue-green eyes begging.

"Yeah, go ahead sweetie." 

Dezeray nods and walks into MC's room shakily. It had been almost a week. They hadn't let her leave yet because they thought she was suicidal, which may be slightly true, but as long as MC is still alive she promised she wouldn't ever hurt herself again. She intended to keep that promise, always. 

She sat in the chair beside his hospital bed and grabbed his hand with both of hers. The gold ring with purple gems stood out against her pale skin. She sighed and rested her head on their hands. She wanted him to wake up, to finally be able to talk to her again, to hug her, to comfort her, to tell her everything would be okay, to love her. But she was losing hope quickly. She wanted her beautiful boyfriend to be okay more than anything, including living. 

"I love you." She whispered, letting the tears that had built up fall, letting them drip onto their hands. "I wish this didn't happen to you; you don't deserve anything bad to ever happen to you. I should be the one in the coma, not you. I should be the one shouldering all of the burdens, not you. I've done it so many times before, its not like I couldn't handle it." 

She takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm keeping my promise MC. I'm never breaking it, not for as long as I live. I promised you I'd never hurt myself again, and I won't, I haven't. I'm trying so hard to stay strong for you MC, but it's so hard. I can't stand seeing you laying here unmoving. It's killing me not being able to help you, not being able to make you feel better. I just want you to be okay."

Dezeray squeezed her eyes shut as she took a deep breath, trying to push away all the thoughts. _I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to live. I would rather die than deal with loosing anyone else._ She just needed to stop those thoughts that constantly swirled in her head. She made MC a promise and she was determined to keep it, no matter what. Even if MC didn't make it, she'd keep that promise, because she knew he'd want her to be happy, to be okay. She knew he just wanted her to be okay, even if he wasn't with her anymore. 

Life was like a roller coaster. You started off slowly. Then came an up, it made you scared, but happy. Then the top of the hill where you were so happy and thought that absolutely nothing could go wrong, you were on the top of the world and anything was possible. Then came the fall. It was scary and you just hoped it would be over as you felt yourself free falling. Then the process started over again, with twists, turns, and loops along the way. Her life was full of those terrifying free falls. 

She gave MC's hand a gentle squeeze. "When you told me you loved me for the first time when I had almost killed myself, I knew then and there that I loved you too. There was no doubt in my mind about that. I knew from the first kiss that you were the one for me. That you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The one I never wanted to leave. You make me so happy MC. You make my life worth living. You're the only reason I'm still breathing. If you hadn't waltzed into my life and swept me off of my feet I would have been six feet under long ago." She paused for a second, but not long enough for the silence to overtake everything. "Before I met you MC, I was a lost girl that was thrown into a crazy new life. I was so lost. I had no idea why I was here, why I was living. I had no idea what my purpose was and why I was put through so much shit. I didn't know why I kept trying."

She stopped again. She wished MC was awake to hear this. She wished she could actually tell him this, but she knew she wouldn't be able to, not right now at least, maybe not ever.

"When I was thirteen I tried to kill myself. My foster dad raped me and beat me and threatened to do it again if I told anyone. I had already been cutting when that happened. And that night, I had gone too far. But at the last moment I stopped, but it had been too late. I ended up in a hospital. My foster parents had told the nurses, doctors, and police officers that I had been depressed and was still not over my parents death. They didn't even try to mention the fact that they had abused me. But I didn't die MC, something made me stop, made me want to live. I had never known what that was until recently MC. You are the whole reason I'm still alive. You're the whole reason I never killed myself all those times I had the thought to, or tried to. I didn't realize it for the longest time, but now that I have, I can't live without you. I won't hurt myself.... even if you don't make it.... But it'll be hard.... because you're my everything. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I never want to be away from you, I couldn't ever imagine it." 

Dezeray lifts her head, looking at MC's bruised, but still beautiful face. "Please keep your promise." She whispers as tears slid down her pale cheeks. 

Suddenly the heart monitor flat lined, its beeping turning into a drone as everything turned into a blur. Doctors and nurses rushed in, moving his bed from the room, as time seemed to stand still.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes dreams are better than reality

Dezeray rushed out to the hallway, turning the corner quickly to rush after them, but was stopped by strong arms wrapping around her. 

"Let me go!" She shouted, struggling against the person. 

"Dezeray, you can't, I'm so sorry." Kurt says, holding back the struggling, distressed girl.

"But dad!" Dezeray sobbed.

"You can't go after him Dez." 

"But I can't loose him! I-I can't...." Dezeray's voice trailed off as she sunk to the ground, her knees giving out. 

Kurt pulled her onto his lap, hugging her tightly. "He will be okay Dez." 

"How can you say that?!? His heart just stopped!" Dezeray yells, unable to keep anything back.

"Oh." Was all Kurt could say.

"I don't want to loose him dad." Dezeray says as she breaks down, crying against Kurt's chest.

Kurt stroked her hair, trying to soothe the girl. "I know Dezzy, I know. I don't want you to loose him either, I know you can't handle loosing anyone else." 

"I-I promised MC I wouldn't hurt myself..... And I'm not breaking that promise.... even-even if he can't keep his." She says, teary blue-green eyes staring at the purple gem'd ring. 

"What did he promise?" 

"He promised to never hurt me, to always love me, to protect me.... He promised to never leave me." 

"If he promised it Dez, then I'm positive he'll try to keep it no matter what. He's a strong boy Dez, you know he's fighting through this. You know he'd do anything to stay with you." 

"I know." Dezeray mumbled, her voice muffled by Kurt's chest. 

"Dezeray, Kurt, MC's stable now, if you'd like to see him." Comes a gentle voice. 

"He-he's....?" Dezeray says, hope filling her teary blue-green eyes.

The nurse shakes her head sadly. 

Dezeray shakily stands up and walks towards MC's room and sits back down in her chair. Zisteau and Kurt join her, both looking quite sad. 

"Hey Dezzy.... I brought you this, thought you might like to draw or something." Zisteau says, handing her a sketch book. 

"Thanks." She says quietly, taking it from him.

"You look really tired Dezzy, have you gotten any sleep lately?"

She shakes her head sadly. "How can I sleep when the man I love is... is..." She just can't finish her sentence.

"You should really try to. I know it's the last thing you want to do with MC how he is, but not sleeping isn't healthy." 

"I'll try.... I guess." 

"Alright sweetie, we have to get going, call us immediately if anything happens." 

"I will."

They leave shortly after, leaving her to her thoughts, which constantly seemed dark now. She wanted to believe everything would be okay, but she wasn't actually sure it would, to be honest. Everything seemed horrible and terrible. She grabbed MC's hand again, giving it a gentle squeeze before she stood up and placed a kiss on his forehead. She moved to her room, and curled up in her bed. She quickly fell asleep, from her exhaustion filled state.

_  
"Mommy! Look at my drawing! Its kitty and wolfie!" Dezeray giggles, running up to her mother._

_"Awe that's beautiful sweetie!" She says encouragingly. "We should hang it on the fridge."_

_"Yeah!"_

_She grabs Dezeray's picture and they head out to the kitchen together._

_"Hmm... where should we put it?"_

_"Next to the family picture!" Dezeray declares happily._

_"Purple magnet?"_

_"Yeah!"_

_She laughs as she pins it in place with a small purple heart magnet._

_"There you go. Now, we have to go meet your father for lunch."_

_"Can kitty and Wolfie come?"_

_"Of course."_

_Dezeray smiles happily before running up the stairs to grab her treasured stuffed animals. She slides down the carpeted stairs, giggling all the while._

_"Where are we eating at?" Dezeray asks with a smile._

_"Oh you know, that one place." She teases._

_"Mom! Where are we eating at?"_

_"Come on silly, you'll see."_

_She leads Dezeray out to the car and gets her buckled in. The drive was filled with jokes, laughs, giggles, all around happiness._

_"Awesome! Can I have money for games?" Dezeray questions cheerily as the restaurant comes into view._

_"I dunno, I think you're too old for games."_

_"No I'm not!" Dezeray says defensively. "I'm only six!"_

_"I dunno, that sounds pretty old to me."_

_Dezeray crosses her arms. "I am not old."_

_"Alright. You win." She says, throwing her hands up in defeat._

_"Yay!"_

_"Come on silly, lets go meet daddy."_

_"Alright." Dezeray giggles, following her mother into the restaurant._

_"Daddy!" Dezeray half yells, half giggles as she runs over to her dad._

_"Dezzy! My girl!" He says cheerily, picking her up and spinning her around, making her auburn hair go everywhere._

_"Guess what I have for you." He says with a playful smile._

_"What???"_

_"These, but you gotta reach em." He teases, holding a bag of quarters far above her reach._

_Dezeray jumps for them, trying desperately to reach them, but failing epically. "Daddy! Come on!"_

_"Alright, here you go sweetie." He says, handing her the bag and ruffling her hair._

_"Thanks!"_

_"Run along and play some games, but come back soon for food."_

_"Alright! Bye!" Dezeray giggles, as she bounces off to play games, waving to her parents.  
_

Dezeray awoke to sunshine streaming in through the only window in her room. Something felt different about today. She got up slowly, making her way to MC's room. Her heart pounded as she opened the door. She saw MC sitting up, his blue eyes glancing up, meeting Dezeray's blue-green. 

Dezeray ran over to MC, pulling him into a tight hug, which was quickly returned. She couldn't even believe he was awake, that he was actually okay. She couldn't believe it, but somehow it was true, somehow she was lucky enough to keep the man she loved by her side for as long as they lived. Any notion of caution was thrown to the wind as joy overrides everything. She kisses him deeply, never, ever wanting to be apart from the love of her life again. 

"I would never break my promise." MC whispers, holding Dezeray impossibly close.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just need to make the best out of the worst

"I was so scared MC! I-I thought I was going to loose you!" Dezeray sobs, her voice muffled by MC's chest. 

"I would never leave you Dezeray." MC whispers, his voice hoarse, as he strokes her hair soothingly.

"I-I just...." Was all she could manage to say as MC held her close, trying to soothe the emotional girl. 

"Dez. Look at me." MC says gently, and waits for her blue-green eyes to meet his blue before continuing. "I'm okay. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I love you Dezeray, so much, I'd never, ever leave you."

"I-I know.... I just can't loose anyone else... especially you."

"I couldn't loose you either Dez, you mean the world to me." 

It was silent for a minute, as blue-green gazed lovingly at blue. She was overjoyed by this. She was so happy that MC was okay. There wasn't even a word to describe exactly how she felt. 

"Why are you still admitted here?" MC asks curiously, breaking the peaceful moment of silence.

"They thought I was suicidal and wanted to keep an eye on me."

"Were you... are you?" 

"Without you MC..... my world is so dark.... But I wouldn't hurt myself even if you didn't make it. Yes I thought about it, yes I was, but I didn't do it." 

MC smiles gently at her, caressing her cheek. "You know my beautiful Dezeray, I heard every word you said."

"....What?"

"The other day, when you were here with me... about me being the only reason you're still alive." 

"Oh...." 

"I'm glad you're still here, Dezeray, I'm glad I'm the one who kept you here." 

"I'm glad I'm here too."

"Dezeray, sweetheart, you really shouldn't be on the bed with him." Comes a voice from the doorway. 

She glances to the door, seeing the same nurse from before standing there, a small smile on her face. "I...." 

"I know Dezeray, but you gotta give him some space, let him recover." 

She sighs and moves away from MC, sitting back in the chair beside the bed. 

"Thank you." The nurse says with a smile. "Now, MC, how are you feeling?" 

"A little sore, but I'm okay."

"No major head or neck pain?" 

"Nope." 

"That's great." The nurse says cheerily. "Thankfully the airbag in your car reduce most of the physical damage. A doctor will be by in a little while to discuss things further. But, for now, you need to get some rest and take it easy. And Dezeray, one of the ceos would like to meet with you."

"Why...?" 

"Not sure, but if you could come with me, I'll take you there." 

"Uh...." Dezeray says, glancing at MC, not really knowing if she could leave him just yet.

"Go ahead Dez, I will be fine." 

"Alright." Dezeray kisses his head. "I love you."

"I love you too." 

Dezeray follows the nurse out of MC's room. They head to an elevator and the nurse hits a couple of buttons, sending the elevator up. 

"You and MC sure are cute." The nurse says.

"Thanks." 

"How long have you guys been together?" 

"Four months."

Before the nurse can respond, the elevator doors open and she leads Dezeray down a few hallways and to an office like area. 

"Alright, she's just in there." The nurse says, gesturing to a room. 

"Thanks." 

Dezeray approaches the door and knocks. She hears a voice beckoning her in, so she opens the door and walks into the office like room.

"Ah Dezeray, it's so great to meet you." A middle aged woman says, holding out her hand.

Dezeray shakes her hand. "It's nice to meet you too." 

"I'm Amelia, I help run the charity here at the hospital." 

"There's a charity here?" 

"Yes, we help raise money for the kids who are stuck here for whatever reason. Generally, the money helps makes being here more enjoyable, but it also helps with medication and treatment if the families can't afford it." 

"That's awesome." 

"I was curious if you could help us with something." 

"Of course, what do you want me to do?" 

"We just built a new play room for the kids, and I heard you paint, so I was wondering if you could paint the walls." 

"Paint them how?" 

"Something the kids would like, maybe a sky with airplanes. You could also ask the kids, they'd love to meet you." 

"I'd love to help you with this. When do you want me to do it?" 

"Whenever you're free, just give me an advanced notice." 

"I could do it today, or start today if that's fine, since MC can't leave yet." 

"That will work actually. I'll show you to the room and I'll let you meet the kids. While you're talking with them, I'll have someone get some paint."

"Awesome." 

Dezeray followed Amelia back to the elevator, where they went down a few floors and got off. 

"So, here's the room." Amelia says, stopping in front of a big open room with a big window on one wall, creating plenty of natural light. 

"Wow, this room is really nice."

"Yeah, I'm very happy with how it turned out. Now come along so we can meet the kids." 

They continue down the hall a little bit before entering a smaller room with a bunch of toys and stuff strewn around the room, and kids running around playing, laughing, talking. 

"Alright, I leave you to it and I'll have someone come get you when the supplies get here." 

"Thanks!" 

Amelia leaves with wave and Dezeray is left with the kids, who are all playing and running around. She goes to the center of the room and yells, gaining all the little kids attention.

"You guys wanna gather round? I'm gonna be painting your new playroom and I wanted your guys input." 

They all gather around as Dezeray sits on a chair that's far too small for her and grabs piece of paper and some colored pencils. 

"Alright, what do you guys think I should paint?" 

A little boy raises his hand giddily. "I think there should be astronauts!" 

"And princess!" A little girl giggles.

"Superheroes!" 

"Oh oh! And ponies!" 

Dezeray laughed as she jotted down all the ideas. She started sketching out an idea. All the kids watched eagerly. 

"Miss?" A little girl says, catching Dezeray's attention. 

"You can call me Dez." Dezeray says. "And what's your name?" 

"I'm Sammy." 

"What did you want, Sammy?"

"What are those scars from?" She asks pointing to Dezeray's wrist.

"Well Sammy, I went through a lot in the past four years and I wasn't making great decisions." 

"What happened?" 

"My parents died when I was seven and I was out into foster care. My foster parents abused me."

"Wow.... That's horrible Dez." 

"Yeah, it was horrible, but I've learned from it. One thing you should always remember Sammy, there's always going to be struggles, especially right now, but you'll get through it, I'm positive of it, just keep your head up." 

"I will remember that Dez." 

Dezeray smiles at the young girl. She really liked being here and being with the kids. They were so young, so full of energy. 

"I have an idea guys. How about you all help me paint." 

All the kids cheer. "So, here's what I have so far. I was thinking we could have a whole bunch of different planets, each on a different theme, and have a sun in the corner of the room. And, we'll have a bunch of stars among all the planets."

"That's awesome Dez!" Sammy says, excitement in her eyes. 

"Hey, Dezeray, the paint is here if you're ready." 

"Awesome. Why don't you guys head in there, I'll be there soon." 

The kids all head from the room, laughing.

"Wow, they seem to really like you."

"Yeah, they're a lot of fun to work with. Oh, they're gonna help me paint, if that's okay with you." 

"Of course! They'll have a lot of fun." 

Dezeray gives Amelia a smile and makes her way to the new playroom where the kids were waiting for her.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The simplest moments are sometimes the best

"Alright, so I was thinking we start off with the planets and the stars." Dezeray says, grabbing a couple paint brushes; sticking a few in her pocket. 

The children all look so excited, so happy, it warms her heart. She was so glad she could make them happy, make whatever was keeping them here a little easier. She smiled as she opened paint and poured some onto the trays they had provided. 

"Can you guys paint the stars?"

"Yeah!" Came the children's reply.

She laughed as she watched them start painting 'stars' which were realistically small blobs of gold-yellow. She got to work, drawing out big circles with a pencil and sketching a very basic ideas for each planet. The sketching itself took a long time, and, by the time she was done, the kids had finished all the stars. It was around dinnertime, and the kids were covered in paint. 

"Alright guys, why don't you go get cleaned up for dinner." 

Most head out of the room, but Sammy stayed behind. "Aren't you coming Dez?"

"Naw, I'm gonna stay here and work; don't worry about me."

"You sure?"

"Positive." Dezeray says with a kind smile, which reached her mismatched blue-green eyes.

"Alright, bye Dez." 

"Bye Sammy." Dezeray waves to the young girl as she heads from the room.

 

She continued to work for hours. She was covered in paint, but she felt successful, the room was looking positively wonderful. She really hoped the kids would like it; she wanted to see them smile through the pain of their illnesses. She wanted to see them happier than she was at their age. 

"Hey Dezeray." Came a soft, child's voice. 

"Hey Sammy, whatcha doing?"

"I brought you dinner; thought you might be hungry." 

"Thanks." Dezeray says with a smile, accepting the plate of food from Sammy and sitting on the floor.

Sammy sits down across from her. "Why are you here in the hospital?"

"My boyfriend and I were in a car crash."

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he is now."

"How old are you Dez?"

"I'm sixteen." 

"Wow! I'm only ten."

That's brings a smile to Dezeray's face. "If its okay that I ask, why are you here?" She asks, becoming much more serious.

"I was diagnosed with Leukemia." 

"How long have you been here?" 

"Only two months."

"Wow, I couldn't imagine being stuck here for that long."

"It's not that bad, I get to go home occasionally, but things have been getting worse lately." 

"You're gonna beat this though."

"I am! Nothing can stop me!" Sammy says triumphantly with a huge grin.

Dezeray smiles fondly at the young girl, who was so full of hope. "Where do you live, near here I'm guessing?"

"Yeah, I live in downtown."

"Cool, I live just outside of there, but I used to live on the west coast."

"Wow, really? What's it like there?"

"It's usually really sunny and warm. The beaches are beautiful, especially when the sun is setting."

"Are you ever gonna go back there?"

"I dunno, maybe one day I will."

"Do you miss it?"

"Yeah, sometimes, but I love it here."

"I like it here too."

"It's getting late Sammy, you should probably head to bed."

Sammy pouts. "You probably should too!" She giggles.

"You're absolutely right, its my bed time too." Dezeray says with a laugh.

Dezeray and Sammy headed from the, now painted, room. They split ways with a smile and a wave. Dezeray walked to the elevator and hit a few buttons, sending it back to her own floor. She knew she could probably leave at any point; she knew she would be fine with not being here. Maybe they thought she was still suicidal, she pondered that thought briefly, but she wasn't, not really at least. As long as MC was okay, she would be okay. 

She knew that beyond everything and anything, MC was her north star, the thing to always guide her home. He was the one and only thing to keep her alive, to keep her sane, to make sure she was actually okay. He was literally her everything, and she wasn't sure how, or if, she could live without him, but thankfully, she didn't have to find that out. She stopped by MC's room, knocking lightly before entering.

"What's so funny?" Dezeray questions as she hears MC's beautiful laughter.

"You look Hilarious covered in paint." Was MC's reply.

Dezeray sent him a half hearted glare, but couldn't help but smile as she approached her boyfriend, who she cared about more than anything in the world; she loved more than anything. MC patted the bed beside him, scooting over to make room for her.

"The doc said not to be in the bed with you..." Dezeray says unsurely. 

"Eh, I say its fine." MC says with a smile. "I just wanna hold you close." 

Dezeray can't help but smile as she moves to snuggle with her boyfriend.

"So why are you covered in paint?" MC questions curiously.

"Amelia asked me to paint the new playroom for the kids."

"Amelia? Kids?"

"Amelia is the director of the charity they run here, it helps raise money for the kids here, some of it goes to medical research, some to the medication if families can't afford it, and some goes to keeping the kids happy while they're here in the hospital."

"That's wonderful, Dezzy."

"It was a lot of fun, the kids are so nice, especially Sammy, she's so sweet and hopeful."

"I'm guessing you had a good day then?"

"I did indeed, how was yours?"

"My parents visited today, and I slept a bunch, so I'd say, pretty successful all around."

"Sounds very successful to me." 

It was quiet for a moment, the only sound MC's rhythmic heart beat in Dezeray's ear. "I'm really glad you're okay." She whisper, holding MC impossibly close.

"I'm glad I'm okay too, I couldn't imagine being without you."

"I don't think I could be without you."

"You don't have to be."

"I know."

Dezeray feels herself slipping into sleep, tired from the tiring, but successful, day she'd had. She was far too tired and too comfortable to leave, so she let MC's heartbeat sooth her to sleep.

"I love you Dezeray, always." MC murmurs, placing a gentle kiss on Dezeray's head.

"Love ya too." Came Dezeray's sleepy reply.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, just letting yourself learn from pain and mistakes, makes a huge impact.

"I'm so glad you finally got to leave the hospital." Dezeray says, her fingers twined with MC's as they walked through the park; the sun shinning brightly and the wind blowing softly. 

"Me too, being there made me feel cramped. I've missed the sun." 

"You and me both." 

MC sends Dezeray a small smile, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "Isn't tomorrow your birthday?" 

"Yeah, it is." 

"Awesome. Now you'll be seventeen." MC glances sidelong at her. "You'll be so old." He chuckles.

Dezeray playfully shoved him. "That's not that old!" 

"Suuure." 

"So mean." She gives him a half hearted glare, but couldn't help but smile brightly. 

"Are your dads planning anything?" 

"No idea, things have been kinda, weird lately." 

"True, but even if there isn't a party, I'll still be there." 

"I know, and I'm glad you will be." 

"Me too, wouldn't wanna miss such an important event."

Dezeray just smiles, enjoying the sun on her face and the soft breeze that rustled her hair. She felt okay, actually more than okay, she felt great for once. There had been quite a few things that had torn her down and built her back up. But, it all made her stronger. Every single moment that tore her down, helped build her up, make her stronger, and help her see the good in life; which was something she would probably always struggle with. 

"You know, you get this cute pouty face when you're thinking." MC says, pulling the other from her thoughts.

"I didn't know." She laughs.

"What's on your mind?" 

"Eh, nothing really, just enjoying life." 

"I'm glad you are." MC squeezes her hand gently. 

Dezeray sends him a smile, a true smile, one that reached her eyes. "Are you gonna stay over tonight?" 

"I can if you want." 

"I'd like that.... but nothing too much, okay?"

"Of course." 

"I just.... I just don't think I can handle that yet.... or for a while, really." 

"Dezeray, it's perfectly fine, I'm willing to wait." MC rubs endless circles into the back of her hand. "I'll always wait." He says, his voice soft, full of love, un denying love.

"I know.... I just feel like I'm not being, oh, I dunno, invested enough in our relationship." 

MC stops, causing Dezeray to stop as well, and takes both of her hands in his, gently rubbing endless circles in both. "My beautiful, beautiful Dezeray, just because you aren't ready for something so intimate doesn't mean you're not invested. You stuck with me even when I was in a coma and possibly wouldn't make it. Most people would've given up, but you didn't, you stuck with me and literally never left my side. So don't let something so trivial get to you." 

Dezeray just stared at MC for a second, her blue-green eyes meeting his blue. "How could I just give up on you? I love you, so, so much, and I couldn't loose you, I refused to. I knew you were strong enough to get through it. I knew you wouldn't break your promise. I knew you wouldn't leave me." Tears glistened in her eyes as she fought to speak around the lump forming in her throat.

MC used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a tear as it slowly fell down her pale cheeks. "I'd never leave you, and you know that."

"I-I know.... it.... it was just so hard seeing you like that..... not seeing your smile or the way your eyes light up when you see me.... or-or hearing your laugh, its the most amazing sound ever.... I just.... it really, really hurt I guess....." 

"I know Dez, I know, but I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere, because my everything is right in front of me." 

She blinks away the tears as she hugs him tightly, letting her head rest in the croak of his neck, where his intoxicating smell overwhelmed her. This was what she loved. That no matter how upset she was, or how much weight was on her shoulders, he always made here feel better, always. 

"I'm just so glad to have you." Dezeray murmurs, her voice quiet. 

"I'm glad I have you too." MC replies softly, pressing a gentle kiss to her head. 

Eventually the two made their way back to Dezeray's house, were Zisteau and Kurt were making dinner, or trying to at least, Zisteau was constantly teasing Kurt with kisses and touches. It was too cute, honestly. It was a nice quiet evening, spent relaxing as a family, just enjoying life. It was peaceful, nice, perfect even. 

Just being able to relax in MC's arms was perfect. Being able to relax and feel okay with life was something she had been desperately needing in her life. Solace, that's what she needed. Stillness in a world that seemed to be constantly moving and changing. MC helped bring that stillness; Kurt and Zisteau did too. It made her love life, not like before, but actually love life. She looked forward to waking up and spending time with people she cared about. 

It had been far too long since she was truly this happy and okay with everything. And, those thoughts stuck with her as she slipped into a dreamless sleep, her head on MC's chest, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart.

 

"Dez.... Hey Dez." Came MC's soothing voice.

"Huh...?" Dezeray asked around a yawn, her mind still clouded with sleep. 

"You wanna go watch the sunrise on the beach together?" 

She blinked a few times, staring up at MC in the pale light of the early morning. "Yeah, that would be great." 

She gets out off bed and throws on a hoodie and sleepily heads out to the car with MC leading. It was a quiet drive through the deserted streets as Dezeray tried to stay awake, which was only slightly difficult. But, they reach the beach soon and they head out onto the cool sand and sit by each other on the deserted beach. She cuddled into MC's side, her head resting on his shoulder as they sat and watched the sun slowly rise over the horizon, coloring the small waves with purples, reds, pinks, and shades of orange. It was beautiful, unique and always changing, just like their relationship.

"Happy birthday my beautiful Dezeray." MC murmurs, placing a gentle kiss on her head.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprises can be amazing, even if they are scary

The two walked hand in hand, a small glimmer of purple shinning against the early morning light. Nobody was out yet, making the usually bustling Chicago quiet, still. It was calm, exactly what she needed. She glanced at the huge city around her. Skyscrapers towered up around her, blocking some of the sun that shined down brightly.

It was beautiful, but the city would soon be flooded with people all rushing to get to work and appointments, or just enjoying the city. She looked over at MC, seeing the peaceful look on his face. He looked calm, happy, beautiful. She would never get over how amazing and handsome he was, it baffled her, but she didn't linger on that thought long, for surely she'd start questioning how she was lucky enough to have him.

"I was thinking we could head to breakfast, whatcha think?" MC asks, pulling the girl from her thoughts. 

"Yeah, that sounds great." 

"Awesome." 

The two head back to MC's car and drive through the quickly livening city. They pull up to a nice little restaurant and head in. It was quiet between them for a while, but it wasn't awkward or tense, it was nice.

"Dez... I was just curious.... have you ever thought about going home?" MC asks, a look of hesitancy in his blue eyes. 

"Home?" Dezeray asks curiously, not truly understanding.

"Back to the west coast...." 

"Oh.... I dunno MC." She says unsurely. "Why do you ask though?" 

"I guess I'm just nervous that you'd miss it there and want to go back...." 

"That place is full of bad memories MC, I'm not sure I'd want to." 

"I know I shouldn't worry, but I do. I'm afraid to loose you." 

"Oh MC." Dezeray says gently, grabbing his hands with her own, twining their fingers together. "I'd never leave you, and you know that." 

"I know. I love you." 

"I love you too." She gives MC's hands a gentle squeeze. 

 

Eventually they made their drive back to Dezeray's house, where it was rather quiet, which is odd. She walked into the living room, but didn't make it far as she was tackled in a hug. She stumbled and almost fell, but quickly caught her balance. 

"Dezzy!!!" Came a familiar voice that she hadn't heard in too long. 

"Aurey?" Dezeray asks in disbelief. 

"Oh my gosh! It's so good to see you!!! It's been so long!"

"Why are you here?" 

"It's your birthday! I couldn't miss it!"

"Happy birthday Dezzy!" Zisteau says, coming into the room with Kurt close behind.

"Did-did you guys have her fly here?"

"Yeah, we thought it would be a good surprise." Kurt says with a smile. 

"Awww thank you guys so much!" Dezeray hugs her dads tightly, before going back over to Aurey. 

"Is this that boy you told me about?" Aurey asks curiously, eyeing MC. 

"Yeah.... he is." She says quietly, her gaze briefly meeting MC's.

"If you dare hurt her, I will do.... I don't know what! But it'll be horrible!" Aurey says, giggling slightly.

MC puts his hands up in defeat. "I wouldn't dare hurt her." 

"Good. Now Dez, we have soooo much to catch up on!" 

"We do indeed." 

"I can just go Dez, if that's what you want." MC says, looking torn.

"No... actually MC, I want you here." 

"I'll stay then." 

"How long are you gonna be here Aurey?" 

"Only today sadly." 

"Well, then we really have a lot to catch up on." 

"Yes we do!" Aurey says cheerfully, though she could sense Dezeray had something serious she wanted to talk about. 

"Lets head to my room." 

The three head into her room and MC and Dezeray sit on the couch while Aurey sits in a chair adjacent to it.

"Aurey.... I want to tell you some stuff. You deserved to know this so much sooner." 

"Dez, you don't have to, really." 

"But you deserve to know." 

"Dezeray. Are you sure it's wise to do this.... I'm not gonna stop you, but I don't want to see you depressed again." MC says, his blue eyes meeting her blue-green.

"I'll be ok MC, as long as your here." Dezeray replies, love filling her eyes as she leans in, her lips meeting his, a sweet kiss, the reassurance of his touch, all she'd ever need.

Aurey giggles. "You guys are so cute!" 

Dezeray sends her a small smile, though it quickly fell to a thin line. "You knew my parents died and that I was in foster care, but that's all you really knew." She takes a deep breath. "I was depressed after my parents died and my first foster parents didn't help at all. They abused me. My next few families did too. Then I went to the Cook's house. They were also abusive. You know that week I wasn't at school?" 

Aurey nods, her emerald green eyes full of shock already.

"My foster dad raped me and I tried to kill myself. I ended up in the hospital because of it. I came back to school and pretended like nothing happened. That year or so I was there and you were my friend, I was depressed, but I faked a smile and pushed through each day. Then I came here. I met this boy, Max, I thought he would be the one for me, but I was wrong." She pauses, giving MC a reassuring look. "He raped me and used me, just like my last foster dad. I... I tried to be ok after that, but I wasn't, and I tried killing myself again. All I had wanted was to be away from the pain. But my dads saved me. And I'm glad they did." 

"Wow.... Dez.... I'm so sorry I didn't notice. I'm so, so sorry." Aurey says, tears brimming in her emerald green eyes.

"It's okay Aurey, that's all in the past and I'm happy now. I have MC and a great family." 

"I'm glad you're happy now Dezzy." 

"Yeah, me too. It's been too long since I've actually been able to say that." 

"I got you something Dez, for your birthday." Aurey says, grabbing the bag from somewhere else in the room. 

"You didn't have to Aurey." 

"They gave this to me after they arrested your foster parents and I thought this would be a good time to give it to you." Aurey says, handing an old worn black leather sketchbook to Dezeray.

Dezeray takes the sketch book and just stares at it. "You-you actually found it.... I-I can't believe it...." 

"Yeah, I thought you might like it back, since, you know, it's from your parents and all."

"Thank you Aurey." Dezeray says quietly, unable to tear her gaze from the drawings as she flipped through the pages.

"You guys wanna have cake and ice cream?" Zisteau asks from the doorway, breaking the silence of the peaceful moment. 

"Yeah, that'd be great." Dezeray says, placing the old sketch book on her bed and heading out into the kitchen with her best friend and her boyfriend. They all ate cake and ice and sat around talking, laughing, enjoying each others presence. 

"Dezeray. Kurt and I have a surprise for you." Zisteau says, handing Dezeray a big envelope. 

"What is it?" She asks, eyeing the envelope curiously.

"Just open it, you'll see." Kurt encourages. 

She gives them a questioning look, but opens the envelope anyway. There were two papers inside. She pulled one out, and looked at it questioningly. 

"That is the letter from Amelia and the charity at the hospital. We gave them a five hundred dollar donation in your name." 

"Wow... really?" Dezeray asks incredulously. 

"Yes, now look at the other paper." 

She pulls the other paper out and looks at it curiously. It was an official looking document of some sort with both Zisteau and Kurt's signatures. 

"And that is the real surprise." Zisteau starts. "Those are the official adoption papers." 

Adoption papers. The words sunk in and tears glistened in her eyes. "You.... you really want to adopt me?" 

"Of course silly, you're our daughter, and we love you."

She hugs them both tightly. "I love you guys!" 

"We love you too."


	31. Chapter 31

"Alright Dezeray, this is your final pick of the pieces you'd like to show?" Kyle asks, glancing up from the pile of pictures.

"Yeah, this is it." 

"How old are these drawings?" 

"Uh, some are over five years old." 

"Wow. You've been drawing for a long time, haven't you?" 

"Yeah, ever since I can remember."

"These are really impressive."

"Thanks." 

"So, on the opening day, you'll be expected to give a speech presenting what your collection is about." 

"Oh.... I think I can manage that." 

"Great! I'll make sure everything gets taken care of here, you just worry about getting that speech written. I'll see you in a few days."

"Indeed."

Dezeray headed out of the small-ish building that would serve as the gallery. She climbed in the car beside Kurt. 

"So...?" Kurt questioned as he started driving. 

"It's going well. Kyle says I have to give a speech opening night."

"You nervous?" 

"Very." She laughs. "Im not good at the whole speaking in front of people thing." 

"You and me both." Kurt chuckles. "I'd be a stuttering nervous mess."

"I think I'll do okay....but you never know." 

"You'll be fine."

"I hope so."

 

"Hey Dezzy, whatcha up to?" Came MC's cheery voice.

"Writing a speech." Dezeray replied, glancing up at MC briefly. 

MC sat cross legged on the bed beside her, glancing at her notebook. "That's a long speech." 

"Yeah, but I really wanted to give the people that show up a true understanding of my work." 

"I have no idea what you mean by that, but I know that your speech will be great." 

"I hope it will be. I've worked on this for hours."

"You wanna take a break? I was thinking we could take Eva on a walk or something." 

"Yeah, sure, I could definitely use one." 

"Awesome." 

Dezeray pulled on a pair of shoes and grabbed Eva's leash. She dangled it in front of Eva, who immediately got excited.

"You wanna go on a walk girl?" 

A woof was the reply she got. She patted the small dogs head and clipped the leash onto Eva's collar. 

"We're taking Eva on a walk." Dezeray yelled up the stairs. 

"Okay, be back soon." Came a reply, which sounded like Kurt.

"But not too soon." A second voice, presumably Zisteau, said playfully. 

Dezeray laughed and made her way to the front door where MC was waiting. She took his hand in her own and made her way out the door with Eva walking excitedly behind them. She smiled as the warm sunshine hit her face. It was relaxing, just what she needed. 

"I don't mean to bring up a touchy topic, but isn't the anniversary of your parents death coming up?" MC asks hesitantly. 

"Yeah, in about a month." 

"I'm sorry if that isn't something you don't want to talk about." 

"No, no, it's fine. It's not as hard to talk about as it used to be." 

"That's good." 

"Yeah. I guess I've just come to terms with it." 

MC sends her a smile and gives her hand a gentle squeeze. "I love you."

"I love you too." 

 

Dezeray glanced at herself in the mirror, biting her lip nervously. She knew she was ready for this, but that didn't mean she couldn't be nervous, which she was. She took a deep breath and grabbed her notebook, which contained her speech. She fixed her dress as she made her way out to the living room, where Kurt, Zisteau, and MC were waiting. All three of them were dressed up as well, looking quite great in tuxes. 

"You look beautiful, Dezeray." MC says, looking her over. 

"You don't look too bad yourself." She teased. 

They headed out to the car. It was a beautiful day out. The sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was a quiet drive through the city, but she didn't mind. She liked the quiet, especially when she needed to focus and try not to be nervous. She cut through the crowd, which had accumulated outside the building, and was allowed inside, along with MC, Kurt, and Zisteau. The gallery looked spectacular, she was thoroughly amazed by it. 

"Ah Dezeray, you look lovely." Kyle says, approaching the group. "Are you ready?" 

"As ready as I'll ever be." She responds nervously. 

"Good, we'll be opening very shortly. You'll be giving your speech over there." He points to a small raised platform, which had a microphone on it. 

"Alright." 

MC took her hands in his own. "Don't be nervous Dez, you'll do great." 

"I can't help it." 

"I know. But you'll be fine. And I'll be right by your side if you need me." 

"Thanks MC. I love you." 

"I love you too." 

"Alright Dez, it's time."

She took a deep breath and made her way to the stage-like platform. Kyle opened the doors, allowing the crowd in. People flooded in, all congregating towards the stage. Dezeray waited a few moments before she cleared her throat, gaining the crowds attention. 

"I'd like to welcome you all to the opening of this gallery. My name is Dezeray Hunter. My work has been drawn and painted throughout the years. A lot of them had been created when I was in a dark place. Each help tell a story; my story. My parents died when I was young, and that brought a lot of pain and confusion into my world. Some of the painting and drawings you see will see reflect that." She paused briefly, taking a deep breath. "More of them reflect a time when I was being abused by my foster parents. A few were from when I tried killing myself." 

Gasps ran through the crowd, causing the her to pause briefly. 

"But, the last few are from a happier part of my life. I know my story isn't the most pleasant one, but it's my story, and I feel it needs to be told. Now, I thank you all for coming."

There was a brief silence, which was broken by applause. She smiled as she stepped off stage. She accepted the hugs from her fathers and the kiss from MC. 

"I'm proud of you Dez, I hope you know that." MC says gently, giving her hand a squeeze. 

She sent him a smile. "I know." 

"Dez!" Came an excited young girls voice. 

"Sammy!" Dezeray says with a big smile. "I'm so glad your here!" 

"I insisted my parents bring me." 

"How are you doing? You look great." 

"The doctors say I'm doing really well with my treatments and I'm feeling fantastic!" 

"That's amazing Sammy!" 

Dezeray gives Sammy a big hug. 

"Hey Sammy, this is MC, my boyfriend." 

"Hi MC!" 

"So you're the one I've heard so much about." MC says with a smile, causing Sammy to giggle. 

Sammy started talking excitedly, causing Dezeary to smile brightly and laugh at the young girl's energy.


	32. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you worry about something that really shouldn't worry you.

"You ready to go?" Zisteau asks, standing in the doorway of her room. 

"Uh... I think so."

"Are you really sure this is the best idea?" 

"Yes dad, I think it is."

"Okay, I just don't want anything to happen, you know...."

"I know, but its okay. I'll be okay."

"Alright, well we've got to go." 

"Okay, I'll meet you out in the living room." 

Zisteau nodded and headed away from her room. Dezeray looked through her suitcase again, making sure she had everything she needed. She zipped it up and lugged it out to the living room, where Zisteau and Kurt were waiting with their suitcases as well. 

"Are you absolutely positive you want to go through with this? It's not too late to back out." Zisteau asks, again. 

"Why do you keep asking?" 

"I'm just afraid of what could happen. We can't go through another scare like we did before..." 

"Guys, I'm okay now, I really am. I can handle this. Besides, I need to do this." 

"Alright." Zisteau says with a loud sigh.

They head out to the car and start the relatively long drive to the airport. It was quiet, which she wasn't quite okay with. Usually she would be, but she knew it was only quiet because Zisteau and Kurt were really worried about her. She knew they thought this was a terrible idea, and the she shouldn't go, but she felt like she needed to. So of course they were going to support her and take her anyway, no matter how bad an idea they thought it was. They made their way into the airport after they had parked, and greeted MC who was waiting for them. 

"Morning guys." He greeted.

"Morning MC." Dezeray greeted, giving MC a kiss. "You ready to go?" 

"Yup."

"Well we've got some time till our flight, so get comfortable." Kurt says, glancing at his watch. 

She sits down on a chair and MC sits beside her. She knew he was also worried, even though he didn't show it. They were all worried; they had every reason to be too. This was something she knew she had to do eventually, so why not now? She could handle this, though the more she pondered it, the more worried she herself became. She kept reminding herself, _I need to do this._ Everyone kept saying she didn't, but they didn't know the truth behind it. She needed to do this more than she really wanted to admit. 

"You're awfully quiet, is everything okay?" MC asks, glancing sidelong at the girl.

"Yeah, just thinking."

MC sends her a smile and wraps his arm around her. "Just remember I'll be there for you no matter what."

"I know you will. I love you."

"I love you too." 

They share a kiss, it was sweet, magical even. Each kiss always reminded her of the first and how truly magical that had seemed. It really reminded her how much she truly loved MC and how she never wanted to be away from him. Their time together always seemed too short, and their time apart, too long. She couldn't imagine being any happier than she was with MC, he was everything she could ever possibly want. 

"Flight 111 will be departing shortly." 

Dezeray pulled back and gave him a smile before standing up and taking MC's hand in her own. The group made their way to the plane, after checking in their luggage. They boarded the plane and found their seats. MC and Dezeray were together and Zisteau and Kurt were together, but a few rows back. It was quiet for a long while, both just sitting and trying to relax as the plane took off. 

She took a picture out of her pocket and looked at it sadly. Her parents. Her beautiful mother, who everyone always said she looked so much like. Her amazing father who gave her everything she ever needed and wanted. Of course she missed them, but she knew they were gone. She knew she'd never see them again; that she'd never know a truly normal life because of them. She would never know what is was like to grow up happy. She would never know the life of one without scars. But this was the life she was given, and she was thankful for what she had, despite the very rough and dark journey so far.

"Is that your parents?" MC asks, catching Dezeray's attention.

"Yeah, it is."

"You look a lot like your mom." 

That made her smile slightly. "That's what everyone used to say." 

MC chuckled. "You really do though. She was beautiful, just like you." MC brushes hair from her face and caresses her cheek.

She leaned into his touch, blue-green eyes meeting blue before both eyes fluttered closed and a kiss was shared. Once they pulled away, which seemed like a lot longer amount of time than it actually was, she put the picture back in her pocket and curled up against MC, or as much as she could with the arm rest between them. She laid her head on MC shoulder and yawned, suddenly feeling really tired. 

_  
"Hey MC, can you come here?" Dezeray called from the couch._

_"Whatcha need?"_

_Dezeray opened her arms, signaling she wanted a hug. MC sat on the couch beside her and she cuddled into his side as he wrapped his arms around her. She looked up into his blue eyes, a loving smile on her face._

_"Can you believe that we'll be parents soon?" She asks, twisting a piece of MC's long-ish brown hair around her finger._

_"It's very hard to believe." MC replied, rubbing her belly soothingly._

_"Its so hard to believe, honestly. Five years ago if you would have asked me if I would've wanted kids, I probably would've said no, honestly."_

_"Ah, but five years ago you were in a dark place my dear."_

_"I know, but still."_

_There was a moment of quiet, though it wasn't at all awkward or tense._

_"Aren't your dads coming to visit tomorrow?"_

_"Yeah. I'm glad they are, its been a while since I've really gotten to spend time with them."_

_"Its been a while since I've seen my parents too."_

_"Well soon enough all of em' will be around."_

_"Very true. Soon enough we'll have a baby to take care of too."_

_"That's a scary thought."_

_"It is, but I can't wait."_

_"I can't either."  
_

Dezeray blinked a few times, yawning as she awoke. She saw MC was fast asleep beside her, looking quiet adorable, as always. That dream really had here thinking. Would that really happen in the future? Of course she wanted to be with MC forever, but did she really want kids? But, then again, remembering Sammy and how much joy it was to have the young girl around, made her think that yes, maybe she did.

"Lost in thought?" MC asks around a yawn.

"Yeah."

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"A dream I had."

"Oh?" 

"It was us in the future. We were married and I was pregnant. It really got me thinking though." 

"About the whole having kids thing?"

"Yeah, I'm not really sure what I want yet." 

"Well, that's okay Dez, you don't need to know yet. We still have so many years till something like that needs to be decided. And whatever you decide, I'll be okay with." 

Dezeray sent him a loving smile. "Thanks MC, really." 

"I love you." 

"I love you too." 

The rest of the flight was spent talking about much lighter topics. Once they landed they got their luggage and headed to the main area. Though they didn't make it far as Dezeray was tackled in a hug.

"Aurey!" 

"Dezzy!"

"I heard you were gonna be in town and I got so excited!" 

"Yeah, I've got some stuff to do tomorrow." 

"What.... Oh..." 

"Yeah." 

"I know this is sudden, and maybe not the best time to ask, but there's a dance tonight and I was hoping you and MC would accompany me and Vechs."

Dezeray glanced at MC who nodded, along with Kurt and Zisteau, who seemed to approve. 

"We'd love too." 

"Great! You can come over to my house and you can borrow a dress and I'll do your hair and makeup and it'll be so much fun!!"

"Woah woah, calm down Aurey." 

"I'm just so excited!"

"Me too." 

"And Vechs probably has something MC can borrow if he needs it." 

"Awesome." 

"You guys wanna head with Aurey?" Zisteau asks.

"Sure." 

"We'll head to the hotel. I guess we'll see you later tonight then." 

"Alright, bye dads." Dezeray says as she follows Aurey and MC from the airport.

They head to a car with a person sitting in the driver seat. 

"Hey Dez." Vechs says, glancing at her with icy-blue eyes.

"Hey Vechs, long time no see." Dezeray replies as she buckles in.

"You guys coming to the dance?" 

"Yes." 

"Great." 

The drive was filled with laughter and jokes, especially between Dezeray and Aurey, who had lots to catch up on. Eventually they made it to Aurey's house. MC went with Vechs and Dezeray went with Aurey. 

"So, what should I have you wear." Aurey pondered out loud as she dug through her closet. 

"Do you want long sleeve....?" Aurey questioned awkwardly. 

"I'd prefer no sleeves; I'm okay with showing off my scars." 

"Right.... Well I didn't know, just wanted to make sure." 

Dezeray chuckled, as she watched Aurey.

"Here, try this one." Aurey says, handing Dezeray a short, strapless purple dress. 

Dezeray takes it and heads into the bathroom, where she changes into the dress, which fit perfectly. When Dezeray went back into the bedroom, Aurey was in a dress too and she had a pair of heels in hand. 

"Come sit down, let me do your hair and makeup." 

Dezeray did as instructed and sat down. Aurey pulled her hair back into a fancy-looking braid and applied makeup, making her look amazing.

"Thanks Aurey." Dezeray says.

"Your absolutely welcome!" 

 

Dezeray met a bunch of people she used to know at the dance, though she didn't really want to talk to them. Instead she stuck with MC, Vechs, and Aurey. They danced to a bunch of fast songs, laughing all the while. Though, as the final song of the night played, they split off into couples to dance. MC wrapped his arms around Dezeray's waist and she wrapped her arms around his neck. They swayed back and forth to the music, enjoying each others presence. After the dance, which had been very enjoyable, they went back to the hotel. They found Zisteau and Kurt cuddling watching a movie. 

"How was the dance?" Zisteau questioned.

"It was fun." Dezeray replied. "But we're tired, so were gonna head to bed." 

"Alright, night guys." 

"Night." Dezeray and MC say as they make their way to their own room. 

After they had gotten ready for bed and laid down, Dezeray was having trouble sleeping. She was really nervous about tomorrow, rather worried in a sense. It was going to be the first time in probably eight years since she'd been to her parents graves. 

"Don't worry about tomorrow Dezzy, it'll be fine." MC says groggily, pulling her closer in the process.

She snuggles into MC, loving the feel of having him close. "I won't." She rests her head on his chest and lets his heartbeat sooth her to sleep. 

 

Dezeray glances out the window of the car as they approach the cemetary. MC gave her hand a gentle squeeze. He knew just how much this was getting to her. Though he also knew just how much she needed to do this. She took a deep breath as they parked. She got out of the car and took MC's hand in her own again. She walked along the path, each step shaky. It wasn't long until they reached the two grave stones that seemed to stand out amongst the rest. 

She dropped MC's hand and approached the grave stones by herself. She laid a bouquet of flowers in between the two and took a deep breath. It had been too long since she'd been here, and she felt terrible about it, but she knew over all those years that she couldn't handle it. But now, now she could.

"I never really said goodbye to you guys, I was too broken to." Dezeray started shakily, tears spilling onto her cheeks. "I also never really told you how much I loved you. I used to blame you for all my problems, but I don't anymore, not since I grew up enough to see what it truly was." Another deep, shaky breath. "I guess I really just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for raising me like you did, it made me strong enough to face all the challenges I've had to overcome." 

She glances at Zisteau, Kurt, and MC, before glancing back at the grave. "Thank you." She whispered. "I love you." And she walked back over to MC and took his hand in her own. 

"Ready to head home?" Kurt asks gently.

"Yeah, I'm ready to go home."

A gentle breeze ruffled the leaves and caused the grass to sway slightly. The sun shines down brightly, not a cloud to block it's beautiful light. A smile graced Dezeray's face as she walked off with her amazing parents and the love of her life, happier than ever, for she had finally let go of the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't the ending you were expecting, was it? The whole time you guys were saying that she was in a dream I was just shaking my head laughing while encouraging the theory. I'm really sad to see this story finally come to an end, but everything must end eventually. As for what's to come, A Blind World will continue and a bunch of new stuff is to come. I would like to thank you all for sticking with me through this emotional roller coaster of a story!


End file.
